Matrimonial Blues-Part 2

The Matrimonial hunt is also hit hard by the recession.I hear less of engagements,but more of marriages as I believe people dont want to lose their fiancees too, along with losing their jobs.

Its been almost a year my relatives have been after me to look for guys in the matrimonial sites.Though I am a beginner compared to my friends who are far ahead in this process, I have had some wonderful experiences and have made some notes which might help all those who would be in this process sooner or later.For the ease of it let me call the Prospective candidate as PC and the Applicant as AC :D

1.Unlike the primitive times where we had to make phone calls to our friends/relatives to know about someone,today the first thing the AC does his 'google' his/her name in orkut search.Well if you find a really impressive profile picture,Whew!Next comes intense postmoretm of the the profile which includes the interests,profession even 5 things you find in his/her bedroom :P.If you have really wacky'dull 'headlines' or 'about me' its gonna be a big turn off.Then comes the testimonials.Make sure you have really impressive testimonials and please do not lock your testimonials if you are a PC!On a lighter note,if you have the testimonials from ur ex-gfs/bfs,its high time you delete those mushy testimonials.

Most of the albums and scrapbook are locked these days.But trust me, people like me even go to the extent of reading the scrap books of PCs from the first page and have been turned off by the insight of their past relationships.I know quite a lot of people who have been disappointed to see the album locked and end up asking the 'mutual friends' to download and send them the pictures :)

Communities are another major criteria in the selection process.Getting to know the guy is through the communities he is a member of.First things first.You check on the 'mutual communities'.Yipee!!  We have 5 communities in common. Make sure you screen your communities well if you are in this process.Recently my friend rejected a guy just because he was part of a liquor community as it was not quite acceptable in their religion.

Well if you are a blogger,Bingo!It helps ur AC to get a good idea about you.Many of those doing ng MS/PhD have their own academic web pages which also helps the AC.

These days 'googling' in orkut has become so common that many of the elders in my family do that to learn more about the fiancees of their dear ones.If you are already engaged or announced your commitment to the family,You can expect to see a lot of of profile visitors.

Unfortunately Facebook doesnt allow unsolicited loitering in their profile,So many are disappointed to find PCs having no accounts in orkut,but only in Facebook.

2.Never start a conversation with a AC with a notion that he or she knows nothing about you.In this era of cyber matrimonial and dating,its very easy for anybody to find details of the past relationships.To be on the safer side,its always best to be truthful about your social life,else  you'll be sued for cheating with ur scrapbook or testimonials as evidence.

Recently my cousin came up with this proposal for me from a IITM  guy.She expected me to get excited as once upon a time I had put 'IIT,NIT'in my specifications and kept rejecting her selections as they are not from IIT,NIT.Though I did it to escape from this process,Now I realise most girls from my college days prefer the same.Well coming back to the story,I googled the guy's name in orkut and was surprised to find no common friends as I always end up finding at least a common friend with a NIT or IIT guy.I wasn't very much impressed by his pic nor his profile which looked dead without even one testimonial.My cousin was kinda proud of giving me a guy of my choice and was talking about the future plans and how his face reminded her of me.But I knew I could find an excuse,I kept fiddling with his profile,and here is the catch.Well its not IITM BUT IIITM :) Bingo!I jumped and told her about my intelligent finding!

But all that she told me  was.'Edi ,Cmon Big deal..He has an extra 'I' not one less;so its a plus right?' :D

Good Luck guys n gals with your 'HUNT'.Time to polish ur profiles :)

Trial of words

Holding hands of those shadows beside me

I stood there frozen to feel the dream

Did you tell me I could feel the warmth?

Or did the shadows just echoed my past?

The space and time crumbling in myself

I could see you in that crackled mirror

Walking to you with those dark eyes in pain

I smiled to those stars that showed me my way

Deep steps might leave a mark for you

to make you regret on the blood that it shed

crippled faith wont let me surrender to you

my silent scream would reach you soon

to wake you up from the dream you showed me.

I believe behind every sorrow there is an expectation.To feel true happiness or content we have to get rid of all expectations we have in others,society and future.But I dont think anyone of us could have the leisure of not having any expectations.If you claim you dont,I bet you are the biggest hypocrit.I personaly have seen a lot of people who claim to be really strong struggling to establish their strength or emphasize that in their deeds.But the truth is its all about how well you hide your weakness.Strength is that virtue which people develop to hold on to  satisy their ego ....Cliche?

Whoop!!

Inspite of changing my orkut status to 'Graduated', I was not really excited about the graduation.I didn't know why I wasnt excited.Must be my 'unemployment' status or might be the fact that I wanted a few people to be with me on this special day.Graduation ceremony might not be a big deal for many,But there is something that brings a lot of friends and family to this occasion.Some unknown feeling of pride on their dear ones.While I walked in in Regalia with thousands in the stadium,for some reason I started walking strong,something pulled back my stoop and pushed my chin up.I smiled..I looked around,I felt that the entire crowd was there to cheer me :)
This lasted for a fraction of a second.But I wish I could get that smile back.
Everytime you smile ,you pay for it.I did say goodbye to few people who were a big part of my life here.Tears cant hold them back,nor the friendship.All that you can hope is that 'smile' when you scan through those beautiful moments we shared :)

I better stop this Post here on a happy Note!!
PS:
1.Bush's Speech was not that bad.I really enjoyed it.He has a good sense of humour :)
2.Thats me in the pic ;)Whoop!I graduated!Proud to be an Aggie!!

Who is your President?

Our Brain is very wicked!It sometimes put you in awkward and embarrassing situations.Yesterday had a good trivia time with Ms Brain(Not sure if I should address my own brain Ms or Mr).:P
We were a group of 5 celebrating my friend's graduation at a Cajun Sea food restaurant.Three Indians and 2 French. When struggling hard with lobster tails, I always prefer to be silent as I don't like others to find out that I am clumsy with food.
Trying hard to avoid the Euro-Indo relationships,we were having a good time discussing the food,music and culture.Appreciating their interest and knowledge in Indian cities, we were just trying hard to act 'International'.(Thanks to those ads by the tourism ministry that pop up in our TV Channels).
Here comes the twist.This French girl asked me an innocuous question.So 'Baadera',Who is the President of India?Gulp!I kept chewing nothing!President of India(Not Obama,Not Mc Cain,Not Bush).I looked at the other two(Similar gestures).Busy meddling with lobsters.
Finally my other friend charged.Our Prime Minister is Manmohan Singh!The next in row,Our former President was Dr Abdul Kalam.Both of them looked at me as if I was supposed to take the ball in my court.
Cant I remember the name of the President of my country.Felt as if their looks were crushing me.Trying to hide my shameful face, I started a conversation to justify our memory .'You know unlike in France,President is not so important to us,Its PM for us, and our President is a she..(I said inside..dam..so what?Just because its a female how can you forget her name).
French Army:"But cmon guys,none of you know her name?"
Indian Army:(Giggling)(All eyes on me)(I hate to admit here I was in the quiz club both in school and college)
All that I could remember was the article I read in Times of India where her comments on Bombay attack.But Still no luck with name..I cursed my memory.!
Waiter looking at my exhausted face..'Yes Mam,what dessert can I get for you'
P...Patail..Yesss Pratiba Patil
Whew!I just didnt notice the weird and confused look on his face.I just looked at everybody and screamed..Its Pratiba Patil..The President of India :)
I heard laughter,I heard sarcasm!But I was happy.I didnt forget her name.
Should I blame the media for not binging her name?Should I blame her for not being an active President?Or is it just my brain or my lack of current affairs!
My friend did a good job asking me another innocuous question..'Pratiba Patil?Are you sure?I thought she was some old bollywood actress'!
God Bless India!

Notes on /of Sarcasm 4

Writing some nonsense philosophies late night do invite some troubles.I was on a transient state while writing the previous post. Didn't even think twice before I pressed the 'Publish post' button.But today morning I am in a hyper mood.Thanks to the post and those emails I got yesterday night.I would love to publish the gist of the emails here.It is indeed funny!
A Classmate:Girl,are you ok? Did u start drinking?(Saturday night syndromes)
Friend :I wont comment for this post.It just made me :(
Friend :Oh please enough of this crap!Please start your 'love philosophies' again
Friend :Please come back to India dear.We will look for jobs here.
Friend :Not again!As usual grammatical mistakes.Why don't u read twice before u publish something.Your sentences are unstructured
Cousin :I showed this post to Amma.She asked you to stop blogging and stop worrying.
Aunty :Mole,Stop worrying!Everything will be alright.We have resumed the hunt in 'Bharat matrimony'

Well for those who havent emailed me!I am eagerly waiting!These emails just made my day!

Just for me!

November 23!Well Astrologer was absolutely right!It was a turning point.A day which gave a good foundation to my pessimistic outlook towards the so called journey'life'.
Being philosophical about life doesn't help you to escape away from the truths of life.I am a typical cancer who is over emotional and touchy but at the same time intuitive and imaginative.I have a dream world deep inside me where I am a that little girl who wants all the stories to end in 'Happily Ever after'.But unfortunately I could never tag it to any part of to my life.
All most all of us have a worry.We frame our worries and anxieties so big that we ourselves make it impossible for us to concede the depth of it.Somehow planning never works for me.I have this strong faith or may be the lack of it, that things will definitely go wrong with me.Inspite of all those people who loves me giving me the strength to look forward for that hidden happiness which has been deliberately evading me for so long,somehow my mind never lets me optimistic.I put my chin up and walk forward expecting an obstacle not the hidden treasure.But belive me it does help me out to face everything that comes by.
Couple of weeks back,I had a verbal offer from one of the top companies in my field.Though I had every reason to be excited,I knew I couldn't be so lucky.I tried to keep it within me without letting my smile curl up.Finally I did get a call from them informing me about their' Hire Freeze' decision.
I felt like running away from this truth.I couldn't bring that 'strong' self of mine.Like the little girl who had to go to bed without hearing fer favorite line,I felt so incomplete and confused.
Recession is not my mistake!Hire Freeze is not my mistake!I would be criticized if I say my decision to take MS was a mistake!
All that I know now is ,there are things out of your control.Its easy to tell others or give them an assurance that things are gonna be alright.But do we all mean it when we say it?
The 195 innocent souls who were brutally murdered this week,what was their mistake?We don't know.We can never even put ourselves in the shoes of their dear ones.Sometimes its better to just smile at this so called 'fate'.'Uncertainty' is the keyword.When we live we should try to live our life to fullest.But for people like me its a difficult task because I always look for a fall not a rise!But I sincerely hope if ever there is something called an 'ultimate' power,Please prove me wrong!I want to be wrong about my faith this time.

Howdy!!

Well Its been a long time I scribbled something in this space.My blog looks so dull and 'not happening'.It truly reflects my present state.One more month for graduation.I'll have a masters degree in my hand!!Whoop!
Have a lot of dreams and expectations from the month 'November'.As per some astrologer 'Nov 23' 2008 is a turning point in my life.I wish it turns forward not backward!!Hope I could make my trip to India in December.My next post will be here as soon as I am officially 'employed'

:)

The Ghost of You!

When we feel really helpless or rather embarrassed about something,we move into a stage of hostile procrastination.The element of dissatisfaction about someone or the way you responded to it, will instill some knee-jerk behaviours.
At times, when we are really pissed about something and also have a self realization that there is no sense in being silly/pissed about it,we try to act as if we wouldn't vent it out to make a fool of ourselves.But the irony is that,such foolish attempts might lead toa zillion destructive assumptions.
Most of the people(though majority of them don't admit) are sensitive and possessive.But their sensitivity and possessiveness are camouflaged well or rather many can carry themselves pretty well without letting the world know that they do have the so called 'Female traits'.The most foolish thing one can do about this would be going around telling everybody about your behavioural traits.We might think this would help others in understanding us in our state of 'Chaos',But for those who do that,they will be tagged with such traits even if they behaviour is normal and sensible.
The best way of dealing with the mood swings and behavioural inconsistencies would be the so called adaptive intelligence.Take small steps at a time and try to correct every single breath you take right form the beginning of emotional chaos.
Try to look at yourself as you would see any other person in trauma.Never let yourself run away or towards the reason of the conflict.'Diplomacy' is the right term here.Our own self can be very interesting at times.Learning ourselves and the frequency curves would lead us to a state of simplicity.A world without any preset philosophies.Just go for a free fall.Re frame your thinking mode.Don't make yourself the hero of a cult movie but,Like in romantic comedies,try to be that stupid hero who fails to be himself in front of the heroine.

Happy Birthday!!

'Lifting shadows off a Dream turned 1 today'..Ooops a long Name..I should rather call him(Yes Yes its a him) by his pet name.I still haven't come up with a cute name yet.But suggestions are welcome.;)
Well last year when I decided to start a public blog,my intentions were just to kill time and frustrations.
My friends always complain that I never edit my emails and letters!When I started blogging I never wanted people to comment on my sentence structure,spellings and grammar.But then like somebody says 'Who Cares'.;)
But today my little cute diary is dormant.I am into the tasking of 'Saving Tress'.
Well it was a pretty good networking with blogging.On this day my intention is to write about some funny incidents and characters I met in this space.
Thanks to the blogpane for the popularity and the hits.Special thanks to Ajith for linking one of my posts in his blog and his comments for almost all my posts.I used to stalk on all the visitors using my sitemeter and have a good laugh when I realise that some people read my blog everyday!
There used to be this anonymous person who used to comment about my writing style and sentence structure.I guess he thinks there is no use giving me advices rather warnings :P.
The Anonymous Economist:Mr Anand,the economist from world bank!No idea who this guy is.I tried hard finding him in orkut with the help of all the information on his IP.No luck.He no more reads my blog!Well it was fun reading your comments Mr Economist.

Vintace aka Thomas: Someone who pretends that he is commenting but writes longer stuff than what I post.Finally he ended up starting a blog for his 'Creative writing'.

Anonymous Austin:Every single day I used to have a visitor from UT Austin who had linux OS,I have just two friends in UT.One is someone who wouldn't even read his assignments properly.The other friend,well to be honest I thought she would be the last person to stalk on me.I belived there is some anonymous admirer in UT until last week,When all the suspense ended,it was her..Ms NP!!;)

Trivandrum-Kolkata-LA Somebody who never wants me to blog just because he knows I write only when I am extremely depressed.Thanks to him for all those international and now free AT&T calls starting 'What happened da?'

Delhi Team:The Alstom Females :Daily Cup of coffee!!

My Family:
My Chettan and Chechi who keeps an eye on my Blog!
My Chechis in Bay Area who reads my blog from their office.(Nortel,Cisco)

Work(Internship):
Thanks Jamie for reading my blog regularly1Missing You all!!

College Station:For all those stalkers in College Station:More to Come :P

Finland: Thanks Laila Chechi

Chennai:Ms I never knew you would read read my Blog Aaaana :P

Anonymous Anonymous!Still quite a lot of critics are anonymous.I just know their locations!
Singapore
New Delhi
Bangalore(I know a few)
Bombay(Special thanks to Jolly for adding my blog)
Trivandrum
Cochin
Trichur
Clemson,South Carolina(I think I know who this can be)
UIUC,Illinois
Well I should stop this here!
Thanks a lot for all those visits and comments,I missed a lot of regular visitors here,But then I am not sure If they will be happy to have their name in my post :P
More to Come :)
PS:Duh!Not edited!!

My Chicken Soup

1.Career Fair :Not at all Fair.
Headline:'We don't sponsor International Students'
Process:Wash all the plates before you go to bed!Start the next day with a clean kitchen.
PS:Conserve Trees.Do not give your resumes just because u spent 2 weeks preparing it.

2.Friendship:A Complex Possessiveness
Headline:'Seasons in the Sun'
Process:Vent out all that insecurities,possessiveness,fear and anxiety you have for your friend.Act like a total fool.Toast the bread with extra Cheese for him/her.
PS:Do not try this before you plan to sleep.You'll lose your sleep,next day's classes and assignment deadlines.

3.Mono act:A Satire
Headline: Weapon of Choice
Process:Laugh aloud,smile as if you got the best surprise ever,weep inside with a thought that I fooled them again.Switch off the Pressure Cooker before 6 whistles,else it will be the 'last Smile'
PS:The Audience area set of prejudiced souls who are busy with their personal affairs.Never ever expect that the theatre will be house full everyday like the inaugral day.

Stairway to Heaven :D

Doomsday talks all around the world,people are slowly accepting the fact that the rumours might actually come true.Every single person I meet has some interesting piece of information about the doomsday.I started noticing posters here and there about various 'world ending' party announcements.Well,such doomsday announcements have come and gone.I still remember atleast a dozen of such announcements in past 15 years.But this time media is giving an unusual coverage to the whole 'Big Bang' experiment.
I really don't why should everybody worry,because even if it happens we wont even know.Its gonna be like a dream.Its just a fraction of a second.A blink!I just read about a girl in India who suicided just because she though world is gonna end.Even if its true she will be the only loser!For me the whole 'doomsday' is not making any sense.I don't think any agency would let an experiment happen without studying the consequences.May be its the experiment team itself bringing up such possibilities to give popularity to this experiment!I am just glad I did a bit of learningg about Big Bang! :P
With the 'Ike' Hurricane hitting our place tomorrow,everybody is excitedly talking about their last wishes.But I am glad I got a holiday for Onam to welcome the'Ike' maveli.Its gonna be a thrilling experience tomorrow,with a zillion emails poring in my mailbox from the university authorities regarding the weather conditions and preparations,I am getting more and more curious how severe it is gonna be.May be this is a hype,But may be not.
Happy Onam and Happy 'Ike' to all in College Station :)
I am missing Onam terribly!May be Onakodis more ;)
PS:I would love to know what everybody thinks of doomsday!

Monday Tidbits ...

Till yesterday we did not know it,
Even tomorrow, we may not know it,
The death to this trunk which is the body that we see today,
Know we not when it is.
We do not know what we were in the last birth,
We do not know what we will be in the next birth,
Even in this birth in this human body,
Know we not when all this is going to end.

This is the English translation of the famous 'Jyanapana' by Poonthanam.
My knowledge or exposure to vedanta is limited or honestly nil.But then jyanapana was a simple poem which I used to chant every evening assuming it is a prayer song.But for some reason I feel that this wonderful work is a nutshell of the so called 'Life'.We run around grabbing all that we can get hold of,every step pre planned and scheduled.But we hardly get time to realise the truth that we might have to stop the race even without a warning.There can come a crazy fraction of a second which is gonna pull you back to where we all started.But what drives us to our destination is the ignorance of this truth.Once we are enlightened,we might never run again and give up this race which we might finish with a Gold!Well few weeks ago I had a wonderful enlightenment !A'coming back to life'.I have called myself unlucky a zillion times,But a luck wrapped me up and lifted off that dark shadow which had been following ever since I lost faith in Lord.Never knew my own prejudices might betray me.But now I see the path ahead and behind, in the same bright sunlight.But without my own shadow.
The excitement comes in that uncertainty we have in our minds.Life is more complicated than Ekta Kapoor serials!Even after years the clock continues ticking,but all the actors look fresh and flamboyant!Its because we never know when and where is the climax.So do keep watching the recaps and precaps.To be Continued....

PS: Lately I have been criticized for the lack of structure,spellings,grammar etc.I am really sorry to disappoint all those who sincerely wanted me to improve..Its too late I guess.. :P
I just hate editing!!

An incomplete Note

A phase of dejection and then there comes a phase of geniality!Like the general public say after every down phase in life,there is indeed a up side.Though I completely disagree with the second statement I decided to embrace the so called 'geniality' in the subconscious mind.My enthusiasm to fool around and hide my actual age by narrating interesting gossip masalas in my kiddish way helped me a lot in giving me a immature image!(For those who haven't met me,I look like a8 grader :P)
I wanted to come back to Texas with a mature image this time.Though I cant have a make over,But I thought this semester I wanted to be what I used to be 3 years ago.
May be like a dear friend told me the other day,I indeed need a fine tuning in the way I carry myself.An elegance or rather a maturity!
This summer I realised my priorities in life have changed a lot.My B school dreams,my career interests everything has changed.I have started compromising on a lot of things,my expectation about myself,people around me.
My pessimistic views or rather experiences that made me realise there are only very few things u can take control of.You are NOT the boss of yourself.
I came back with a hope,I can be a new self,a fake idol.
Like a new year resolution its just vanished on the second day!I forgot about the resolution..I felt it was a silly dream I had.Though I changed my track from matrimonial track to my career path,there is still some fine tuning missing somewhere.Can we indeed change ourselves in a month?Is this fine tuning going to help me grab all my dreams??Or is it the time I start doing what I hate the most!Loving my self!
With 4 courses,full time job hunt and no part time job,may be I wont get anther chance to waste my time for a silly thought like this.But may be some years down the line,when I read these lines,I might laugh at this post with the same immaturity with which I completed this post.

Matrimonial Blues!!

I guess this post may turn out to be a bit controversial. :p
But this is something I really wanted to write ,but never had the 'Guts' to.But today after being asked by my relatives to create a profile in Bharat Matrimony,I guess a few words of sarcasm/helplessness should be vent out from a soul that is burning out a remote sense of humility!
Few years back when I joined college and used to watch my friends get into relationships,I used to believe myself that it is a taboo!My previous posts about my perspective of theories of 'Love' has labeled me as a conservative idiot who is not ready to move on life because of her silly principles and ideologies.
Well, as grad student who took courses in Risk management still do believe that its not a worthy 'Risk'.Four years of a wonderful college life taught me a few more theories about 'Falling in Love'.
1.Its all meant for people who can just change plates and simply moves kissing goodbye to all those emotional entanglement whatsoever they had.
2.Never ever assume that couples you see around you are gonna get married.
3.If you are just looking for momentary fun,Romance is a bliss!!

Well I am deviating from what I intend to write,so let me just come back to the point.There comes a point early/late in most of our lives we have to think seriously about finding a partner for ourselves(This is a very generic statement,I agree there might be exceptions).So for all those unfortunate souls who tried to stick with the Risk management theories will have to go through a humiliating torture which might ultimately lead them to a turning point in life.
But the method has undergone a major evolution in past few years.Newspaper adds and brokers are not attractive anymore.Its all about how well you can describe in a few words about yourself and your family.
I found it funny and a bit frustrated when I logged into one of the matrimonial sites to register myself.May be its not a big deal.But for a few seconds I felt as if I was gonna be put on sale in E Bay!To describe yourself in 50 words,your expectations about your partner in another 50 words!Should I just cut copy paste my Resume or put a link to my orkut profile?? (Which I think is a better idea)
Is this how everything works out in our society??My friends had some terrible experiences with the so called' checking out' a guy as a part of the arranged marriage business.You go meet a guy who your parents found you from a newspaper/site talk to him for an hour and give them a 'Yes' or 'No' in 24 hours!
Well,like the dating sites ,it a gamble which few people have to go through I guess.A punishment for keeping up your priciples and theories and mitigating a risk!
On a lighter note,like in Bollywood movies 'Mr Khan' would be there next to you in the flight.I should make sure I talk to the guy next to me when I fly next time!
The time is not so far when we see matrimony classifieds in personal Blogs!!

Whining Guitar String!

'Strength is a Virtue always admired,Never Desired'.
This is the ultimate truth that I have been living for a couple of years.I was quiet ignorant about the great philosophies the authors of 'self motivating' books narrate which makes the readers feel that they are with a bunch of equally affected species.Their trauma is something they need to work out and one fine day they see themselves standing on a pedestal.
But the truth is that when people call somebody strong,the person never realises the depth of their strength.Strength of mind is generally misunderstood has some sort of a capacity to take any kind of tragedies and move ahead faking all the sorrows with your chin up!!As time goes those strong minds are stamped on and taken for granted by others that they are numb to any kind of trauma!!All that the world can tell them is'You are strong,we know u can handle this'!
What that matters is the reselience,how much an indiviual can handle a change in life,some people cant even digest a small change in their daily schedule,but for some others every day can be a new experience.Its how ur soul is made.Rubber or Rock!!
But cant the strong mnd wish for a weak moment?A moment to be framed as a weak soul and cuddle for warmth!A stronger ladder to climb on with a weak mind, But a trust to those foots that it will never make you fall!!

A Random Thought!!

All of us have zillion goals in life ranging from doing the laundry during the weekend to becoming the CEO of the company you work for.A group of people find pleasure and are content with a mediocre set of dreams or tasks that they think they can fit in ,but some others chase the kite without any idea how to get back to where they started.
Every kid we see today are toppers,multi talented,waiting for a stage to show the world that they are ready for the race.Parents training them with talent buiding and a few hours of fun periods in their timetable.Of all the people we see in the front of the race have an anxiety,a fear if they will succeed!But do we notice those people at the far end of the lane??
Are they ready for it?Do they know what a 'Race' is.But we see a smile of content,happiness that they made a day happen and a confidence that they will make tomorrow a better day.Just a hug from their dear ones giving them a warmth in this winter of pain.
NB: Thats my cute nephew who just turned 1 this week :)
PS: This post is a movie hangover!!A movie of 'special' kids

To live a Song

I smiled with a sparkle that made everybody blind
Closing my eyes I shuddered to feel the darkness
swallowed those heavy tears that was bitter
My Chin up,I tried to feel those zillion hands holding me
strangling fingers and sweating hands slipping away
Those promises I counted on fading away
I let them go, holding on to my fake strength
I cried aloud within to smile through my eyes
waving goodbye to all those words that helped me breathe
Choking inside to cover up another new rhythm
A song I wish I never lived to be a dirge!!

Lifting Shadows Off a Day

I have been longing to write a post about some small and interesting things I have been coming across ever since I started my Internship. But Unfortunately I don’t even get time to login to ORKUT!! Yes I am busy.:P
Warning: Please don’t read this post unless you are absolutely jobless. Its a mixture of all tenses. Please don’t sue me for not using the right tenses nor for the lack of structure and Grammar.I am writing this for my own record ..:P
The following is my typical schedule ever since 12 May 2008
# 5:26 am : Wake Up Alarm ,Oh no.. Please let me sleep for 2 more minutes, Reminds of me of school days when my Mom used to wake me up at 7:30 and I used to plead her to let me sleep for 2 more minutes hiding inside the blanket. Nobody to listen to your excuses and complaints, Just a thought ’Damn I hate waking up early’
# 5:55 am : Microwave beeps, Gulping the cup of milk grabs the jacket and Backpack and runs out of a silent house
# 6:05 am : Meets Ms ‘skirt lady’ who greets me everyday ‘Hello Hovayu’.I still have not asked her for name  .We talk about the weather and why it is still freaking cold even though they call it summer here. She is very excited about the long weekend and her plans to meet her grand daughter who is going to be home
#6:10 am : Boards 214 AC Transit. Driver greets.’Goood Morning’.I am busy looking for quarters to put in the coin machine. I see a middle-aged woman sitting in a wheel chair who greets everybody with a smile. She is mentally challenged. I wonder where she is heading to early morning ,except for her everybody busy taking a small nap.
#6:26 am :BART train: Everybody rushing to get the first train, I cant even find a single person who is not running, except for me who is dazed!!
I get inside, pulls out my IPod trying to listen to some random song, so that I wont fall asleep and miss my station and get the next train.I see a girl waiting for someone right next to the door screaming in her phone' come fast…'I assumed it must be her boyfriend. But I was surprised I see a lady in her late forties running inside. Both of them sat inside,she plugs on her IPod and the lady kept looking at her as if she is seeing her after a long time.She touches the girl’s hair, her handbag and the girl started explaining to her about her shopping experience last week. She took out her sunglasses and showed it her. The lady smiled and said she looks good in that attire. It was a mom and a daughter meeting in the train may be after week.
#6:50 am :Lady gets off at a station hugging and kissing her daughter, A guy sitting next to me switched on his Radio and started rapping. Indians in the train busy making calls home and wishing their dear ones Goodnight.
# 7:05 am :Boards the 77 Eastridge Bus: Not many commuters, just a few Mexican laborers and I look outside and see big rush of people waiting for their buses
# 7:20 am :Gets off at Alum Rock which is a major Mexican Heritage area.Everything is written in Spanish. I walk almost a mile to my office watching a lot of small scale shops that reminds me the workshops and some stores in India.Mexicans and Indians are similar in lot of ways.
# 7:35am : I enter my office(Which is satellite office) and Jamie greets me with a big Good orning.She is my friend in office, somebody who helps me with everything right from Day 1.We talk about everything when we get time. about family,culture,career and what not!!.I read how much she worries about her teenage daughter and a desire in her to see her daughter get a good education. From her I learnt a lot about the American community and how difficult is bringing up kids in this part of the world.
# 7: 45 am. Greets my boss Jason and stand there smiling at him waiting for him to give me some work.Hurray!!I am working at Hitachi today. Hitachi is one of the major projects of the company and I go there once in a while to help the project managers there.
Quickly checks my mail and wore my boots and took out my field hat and vest.

#8:45 am : Jamie drives me to Hiatchi site giving me a wonderful trip in her car.I still have no idea how we made it up there without any tickets. She thought me’ What not to do in roads’
# 9:00 am. Meets Mike who is a project Engineer @Hitachi and took me inside a conference room. Yes it was the first official meeting of my life.This was a meeting with the General Contractor. I see all familiar faces in my company side and new Faces with other side.An Indian Boy!!!Wow.Thats a big surprise.The meeting started with my introduction as I was the new one to everyone. Mike said ‘This is Baaadra Naeir’ who is a new intern and she is from TexasA&M..Blah Blah’..The head of the table said..Oh No. another tough name.!!He asked me ‘Could you please go write your name on board’
I walked to the board and saw in bold letters ‘Karthik Jayachandran’ under that and came back and sat there.hen they started talking about the ‘Nair’ hair removing cream. It was so embarrassing. Luckily the meeting started and No more ‘Nair’ talks.
After the meeting one guy came and asked me are u also from India like Karthik?I said yes and then he showed me a map with lots of pins on it and asked me ,where u from.I pointed out Calicut and also noticed a pin in Madras. e gave me a pin and I pinned it on Calicut. Supposedly all those who work on the project from every company, government or the owner side has to put a pin on the map.I felt so Good. kudos to Calicut.I felt as if I won a Gold medal in olympics and I was standing on the podium listening to National Anthemn.:P
#1:00 pm : working on scheduling, was careful not to make any mistakes and not to ask any idiotic questions.
#2:00 pm :Took out my lunch box and had the three chapattis I made the day before
# 4:45 pm:Mike said he will drop me off at SanJose where I take my Bus back home.
Got into his truck.Had a talk about how he started his career and about his experiences in Construction Industry
#5:00-Waiting for the bus with a bunch of school Children,too tired to observe to write what is going around.Boards another two three buses.Many IT people on bus,tired faces
# 7:30:Phew Finally home:My nieces busy watching their favourite program,the house unlike I left is lively,I ask Nitu about her School,But no reply.Little one looks at me,I asked her about her day,she had so much to tell me.Helps Chechi with Dinner Preparation
#8:30 :Dinner Time.I talk about my day and my office,I am happy to see some Good Food on table 
#9:00 :Checks mails, Just going trough the different mails and different events happening in other parts of world.’Lifting Shadows off a Dream’ is idle..My phone rings.I smile and repeat the wholeday to a poor soul who made a IST call.Waited for some more calls..No 
#10:00 Trying to sleep:Feels like I am in the bus.I hear TV downstairs,I so very wish go watch it
#10:30 Dreams  Lifting shadows off a day

Made in China

A few minutes back my 6 year old niece asked her parents a smart question."why is that all my toys are 'Made in China',Doesn't India make anything??.Well her IT parents replied by shooting another question to her "Molu,who works in Yahoo and Google??As her Father works with Yahoo,she was convinced India does make something!!

Well personally I used to feel that label just indicates cheap quality.All those China shops which used to pop in small towns, Rs 15 cute bunny shaped alarm clocks with the 'made in china' sticker.The fake ipods,mp3,watches.I can think a lot of China now :) Even in the suburbs of India or may be in almost every country,all the restaurants,the Menu would have Chinese!!They have a signature everywhere and on everything!!!
Largest population,one of the largest economies,culture,what not!Still they are also second class citizens like we Indians in the so called 'One World Concept'.
Even when the Olympic torch going as high as Mount Everest,the country's effort of popularizing the event was plummeting, the US and UK Newspapers are talking about Human rights issues and portraying the whole campaign as a show off!!Ironic!
I am not a China supporter, a promoter of Confucianism or an economist!!But all I know is I hate Chinese cuisine lately :P

Fear of the Dark

There are moments or rather instances which puts you in a mood to look within!!I was trying to figure out what is 'ME'.This might sound a little stupid,but then like somebody asked me 'What is the purpose of Blogging' the answer is just again a thought!!
The insecure feeling in me comes out as over posessiveness or rather a very quick decison of 'keeping a distance'.Its difficult to keep up to the expectations of everyone and swinging between the two extreme thoughts is the worst torture.At a point you feel that you donthave anybody to count on and the very next moment you realise the strangling love and care that would make you feel guilty!Am I worth all this?Can I keep up all their hopes and expectations?I really dont know!!But why is that when i just turn back I dont see anybody.Why is that inspite of all assurances I feel that I am standing alone.Am I scared to hold the hands for the fear of losing it on my way!!All I know is I dont want to lose anything more!!I fear to posess anything!
Like a small child hiding her barbie doll under the bed before she sleeps,I wish I could hide all the care and love others give me!!

Home Sweet Home

Never can I say goodbye to those crimson walls
Every brick calling me back for a touch
living behind my heart in those corners
Hiding all those happy moments I had with them
Can they just echo my childhood ??
Those marks I made with my dirty hands
clinging on to them to share my woes
I did heard them promise to keep me with them
Smell of monsoon haunting me every moment
Why did you give me the strength to walk away?
All I could hear was them singing dirges
I don't want to strangle in those memories
My tears can never wash you away
let me live in that heaven for another lifetime

Vishu :)

I feel very nostalgic today..I have been trying to read 'Real Options:Managerial Flexibility and strategy in Resource allocation' for the past 3 hours,But the only thing that is coming to my mind is 'Vishu'.The evenings before Vishu when I used to go hunt for 'Kanikonna' in the campus..(I hope the 'Kanikonna' near Guest house and AB has bloomed)
Its a bit surprising because the only thing I enjoyed about vishu when I was at home was 'Vishukineetams' especially if I happen to be at my Native place on Vishu eve which happens only once in a blue moon.
I used to hate the fact that after'Vishukani' I am not allowed to go back to bed..:(
Then comes the Vishukineetam part and the temple visit for which I had to get ready early morning...I always wondered whats wrong in seeing the kani a bit late..:P
But today I realise that, things which i took very lightly in my life is actually a part of me..I just wish I could see a Vishkani tomorrow,..Have found a google Image of 'Vishukani'..Will put it as my Desktop..Hope I have a nice 'Cyber Vishu Kani' tomorrow
Happy Vishu!!

Just Another Dream

Did I miss you in the crowd?
the bright colors of happiness
making me blind,I stood there
but my hands moved to find you
I felt a cold touch on my heart
I shuddered in the darkness
Let me just feel the shadow
I know you are here right with me
listening to my words with a smile
Can I tell you rest of the incomplete story?
Can you hold my hands to help me walk up there?
I need a lifetime to tell all about I missed telling you
Dont let the sun wake me up today
to tell me this is just another dream!!

An Incomplete piece

I am very inquisitive by nature,especially when it comes to my future.I was born in a community which gives a lot of importance to the horoscope and related stuff.From the very first day somebody is born,a record on his/her name is made,much before the birth registration.'The Horoscope'.Irrespective of class or education it is a common scenario.A handbook of 'How your life is going to be'.A 'Help' file to guide you all your life.where fate is more important not our faith.
I always wanted to read the pink little book my Amma used to take out of our Cupboard whenever we had serious issues in our life.As a child I thought it might be some kind of a magic book when some magician opens would solve our problems.
When I grew up I became more interested in this book.I started reading more about astrology and felt that there was something true about it.Like some statical confidence intervals it can indeed can give you prediction intervals with 0-100% confidence intervals.I started subscribing to daily horoscopes and became a regular visitor to astrology.com
And there came the phase in my life when my friends started telling me that the 'palm and face reading' I used to do for fun had good amount of truth in it.Intuition thats all I said,or may be I am too good at bluffing.Honestly I don't know the significance of even a single line in the Palm,but somehow I became a famous face reader and palm reader amongst my friends in college and family.:)But my very first visit to an astrologer just to ask him the answer to one single question.Though he wasn't successful in giving me the right answer to that,he asked me if I do something like palm reading.I was dazed,it was something only a few people knew..I was so happy that day because I thought his other prediction would also come true,which never did...
Is there a truth in astrology??I do believe that there is.But may be we run after astrologers only when we have troubles in life and completely ignore this when we are in the problem free state.
There were couple instances when I decided I am going to throw away my horoscope and bitched all the astrologers!!But still I couldn't throw it away!But I still am very much into the whole thing which make me more pessimistic in life.I know this would hurt some of my very close friends who tried to convince me that the whole thing is bogus,just to make me more optimistic.
When certain things the astrologers predict don't come true our frustrations cross the limits.Is it because we think they are the life saviours or is it because we wanted this little book to tell us that we are not going to be affected by anything on earth??
I started this post with some other intentions in my mind.But I guess the stars above me are not in the right position or may be I started this post in the 'Rahu kalam'..I am not able to continue this anymore ..:)

A Doubt

I came all the way holding your hand
Every single step I moved in the pain
the warmth of your hands made me strong
I looked on your eyes to see myself today
All I see is me smiling in the seasons to come
I searched for my true self in the present
Did you wash it away with your own tears?
The gleam faded with the pain that I hold
Faking a future that is never to be mine
I know this journey will never end
Every blossom I dreamt dried when the sun came
I wish you never gave your hand to hold on
Flaking memories would keep my smile
Tell me there is another world behind the zenith!!

Notes on/of Sarcasm-3

Last week I was talking to one of my friends about 'Love Part-1&2' issues and she mentioned to me that she was 'living a dream'for three months.From that moment I have been thinking when was the last time I was living a dream?I thought it was impossible for any common man to live a dream,as those things just happen in the climaxes of Bollywood and Hollywood Romantic comedies.I do agree that everybody has different dreams,but then,Do we actually get the chance to live a dream in our Life!Everyday we have a small task ahead of us,by them time we are done,there comes the next day..But when does the'Living the Dream' part come in??

Again something very different from the what I was talking about.
There is this Prof in my Department who everybody hates,because he makes everybody work like hell and end up giving really bad grades.Most of us take his courses just because they are core courses and we cant escape from it.Nobody makes him their Advisor as he might never let us graduate with his strict policies.This semester my Department came up with a new policy that doesnt let the student choose the Advisor as most of us go for the lenient and sweet profs in the department ;).
As Expected this year I was the lucky soul to get 'the prof' as my advisor!!!I wasn't surprised but was happy,nobody would blame me for being always pessimistic..:p
Yesterday I went to meet him in his room..He asked me to wait in his room which actually made me realise a few things.
I happen to see lots of color papers in his room with cute drawings by his daughter.In every picture she has written 'You are the best Dad'.In every corner of his room he had picture os his daughter.I remember him telling us in class that his daughter is adopted..Though he is not the best prof for us,he is the best dad for a somebody.People we completely detest or might ignore because of our silly/stupid reasons might be very dear to somebody else or even mean the whole world to him/her.Isn't it something to be thought about..Everybody has different roles,In some we might fail and in some we might succeed,But failing in one wont make us a loser in life!!!

For My Amma

I have been thinking of giving an obituary in the newspaper as my Amma's anniversary is coming up,It would be a shame on my part if I ask somebody else to do this task because from a very small age she used to encourage me to write.But I couldn't write even two sentences myself in memory of her.I found it weird.I tried to google and went through the usual press obituaries,still I couldn't come up with something of my own.I just wanted two sentences,just 20 words to tell the world that yes its my Amma's anniversary and I so very miss her!!
May be I need more words,more space to talk about her.I dont want to believe that she is somewhere very close to me watching me everyday.I really hope she is not within us today,because if she is indeed watching me she would be the unhappiest soul to see me suffer.
I sincerely dont want to make this post an emotional/sentimental piece by talking about my loneliness or thrill in being the single surviving member of my family.
Just wanted everybody to remember her this month,as I am sure most of my blog visitors personally knew my Amma..
This is all I can do for her in my blog..

US Heading 4 a Recession?

For the past couple of weeks the word 'recession' is the most widely used word amongst the desis out here which includes poor souls like me!!I have been reading a lot on recession and related matters as I thought it would be better I face the consequences in the true spirit.Personaly I got the feel of it after our career fairs where the recruiters themselves told the international students about their difficulty in sponsoring our Visa with the recession coming up.Its a huge blow to people like me as I'll be graduating in the peak of recession.
The chances of the US avoiding a recession appear to be growing dimmer by the day, and any contraction in the economy will likely last longer and be more severe than other downturns in the past 20 years.
As I am specializing in construction management I tried to narrow down my readings to the construction and related field.It is the biggest housing slump in the last four or five decades: every housing indicator is in free fall, including now housing prices.Recent reports have shown the housing market slump and rising defaults in the mortgage market are now taking their toll on job growth and on the manufacturing and services sector.
This december when I was in Las Vegas my sister who works with a real estate company was telling me that one of the worst effected areas was Las Vegas.Gaming revenues suffered their steepest-ever drop — a scare that led casinos to lower room rates to drum up business. New casinos such as the Hard Rock struggled with financing, and three other casinos filed for bankruptcy.Begged for donations to stay afloat, the unemployment rate rose, the governor laid off state workers and housing construction stalled.

May be all this is a hoax.May be not!But there are some indicators which are flashing red.Unemployment is up, consumer spending is down, the housing market has slipped into recession, and the stock market is lurching back and forth like an overloaded washing machine. All of this could have been foreseen by anyone with minimal critical thinking skills and a healthy dose of skepticism of government.

Indian IT Industry seems to be all set to receive the tornado by laying off and cutting down salaries.May be Indian companies are smarter by taking the prevention pill so early.
Lets watch where this fall of the great economy is gonna take us all.May be its too early to pack my bags back home,Its quite ironic ,but still I would end this post with a malayalam cliche 'Papi chennadam pathalam'

V Day!!

Another Feb 14!!Thank god I dont have a boy friend..Else will have to use my creditcard for another expensive stuff.The only good thing about being in love is getting some gifts on such special days .Yea rite, I am too materialistic.To be frank I just LOVE getting gifts.like my 'committed, friends say 'Grapes are sour'.. Anyways just coz I write a lot on love and related stuff,it would be a dishonour to my blog,if I dont post something on Valentines day..So Happy Valentines day to all of you..And here is a small gift to all the single ppl..:P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBFnJX0p_Tc
Have a great day

A Suitable Boy

I would like to start this post with a a disclaimer.Whatever I write are some issues faced by a few people in my species and I am NOT a Feminist!!All the characters in this post are purely fictitious,any resemblence to any person dead or alive is an unavoidable fact!!
Thanks to Vikram Seth for this title and inspiring me to write this post..
I have noticed a strange kind of mania amongst the parents of 22 year old girls and certain frustrating phobia with the 22 turned unfortunate souls.Here is a case study that describes the sequence of events in the life two 22 year old females (Species:Homo Sapiens)
lets call them Miss Hasbeen and Miss Wannabe.For my convenience I would like to call them Ms H and Ms W.
Part 1
March 2007
A month before the final exams,Ms H was busy on phone with her latest boyfriend...Somebody on a call waiting,it was from her home.she wondered why would her Mom call her so late in the night.Yes that was about the mania which has kick started at her home this semester.Her Parents want her to give them a final decision on the the list of guys they emailed to her the other night and her boyfriend wants HER to finish off HIS assignment which is due the next day.She stood there confused.Her cell was showing low battery and her charger was not working,giving few excuses she cut the line and rushed to Ms W's room to get the charger.
Staring at the fully charged cell and refreshing her Yahoo mailbox every 10 seconds desperately waiting for her MS admits there was our Ms W hoping a new place would bring her new oppurtunities[Romantic.Sheesh..A full stop to her singlehood]
Part -2
March 2008
Gtalk Conversation
Ms W:Hey howz it going?Are you over him?
Ms H:Yes dear.Very Much.Biggest mistake of my life
Ms W:Oh cmon,u guys were perfect
Ms H:No way.He was too immature for me
Ms W:Heard you were in Bombay last week to meet someone ;)
Ms H:Oh yea forgot to tell you.Parents are hell-bent on marrying me off before next june
Ms W:So howz the guy?You liked him??
Ms H:No he looks yucky.Kinda bald..But then I met another guy in Chennai last week.I liked him.He is tall,fair,handsome and his Dad owns a software company.He just finished his MBA
Ms W:Wow,But u always used to say u never liked tall and fair poeple
Ms H:Cmon,thats because my ex boyfriend was short and dark.Anyways whassup with you.Howz it there.You found someone??
Ms W:No Yaar,Not yet.Trying hard on Bharat Matrimony.com.I am getting scared.All of you will marry soon ..:(
Ms H:Idiot.You are in land of oppurtunities,try Americans na
Ms W:I cant understand their accent and My English is not good
Ms H:oh yea thats true..But what about your family??
Ms W:Seems My horoscope has some major issues.I'll have to wait for Mars to come near venus.Only then I'll find my guy it seems.Thats what my aunty scraped me in orkut yesterday.
Ms H:Oh thats sad..Did u see Ms P's marriage snaps??She is in US doing her MS..
Ms W:Really?I thought she wanted to do MBA,What happened to her CAT plans?
Ms H:She dropped it coz her husband is an IIM Graduate
Ms W:Thats kool..Did I tell you that I met Ms R's fiancee's parents in NY??
Ms H: Wtf?No way ..she cant have a fiancee,she said she will not marry
Ms W:Seems her grandmom was sick and she wanted to see her grandchildren.So it was a quick decision
Ms H:Nice,Anyways make sure u hook up with some greencard holder,so u wont have problems with your visa later
Ms W:Yea I know.I have highlighted that in Shaadi.com and Bharat Matrimony.ONLY Green card Holders.
Ms H:Hey gtg..Chennai Guy on phone..Have to discuss about finacial matters u know..
Ms W:Oh sure carry on..Let me know what happens..takecare
Ms H:You too..

Well 'THE END' is yet to come...

Special Thanks to Riddhi Doshi

An Ode to Google AdSense

I am a big fan of Pschycedelic Rock.Sounds weird???Well there are days when my existence floats on certain repeated tracks from my Ipod[My roomies find my choice of songs a bit odd and crappy,So I am denied the pleasure of listening to my favourite numbers from my laptop].Flying high,I always end up writing a post in this public forum to mark those 'Dark Days'..
My incessant complains about not getting an assistantship and the twists and turns in my life,I always end up with the so called dark side writing.But one day my roomie came up with an idea of cashing my emotions to few dollars in my bank account.She was the one to introduce me to google adsense..It appeared harmless and I thought why not??Let a few ads come in my post..:P. So we decided to join Google adsense.Never knew it was a devil in disguise...
One of my friends.who happens to be a blogger too,gave me some shocking information.Seems, putting up adsense is a big crime for an International student.For a moment I missed a heartbeat.!!!This Country is weird,they have a long list of clauses to deport F1 people like me.Can you believe that letting some ads in my personal site and earning a quarter dollar could be reason to deport me back.Yes!!!:(.Like I mentioned in some my previous posts,you have to filter even the air you breathe here,what if some American sue me for taking his part of air??..I want to go back..Sit in an autorickshaw and roam around,see some people breaking the rules,getting away with a wink.Enjoy the pleasure of being in MY Country..be a proud Indian.
I am not an ideologist,at this very moment I sincerely believe 'Rules are meant to Broken'..
ps:I no longer have google adsense and I havent spell checked..:P

Love- Part 2

In my previous post about love I mentioned that my undergrad degree helped me make a thesis on different categories or ways of falling in love.After coming here for my Masters I decided to research on ways of breaking up with your dear ones as that is what is very common amongst the Indian community here.'Love' and 'Relationship Analysis' has always been one of my favourite topics to research on,wish Texas A&M University hires me as a Research Assistant in their Public Affairs department after my posts on Love and related matters.There are again 4 ways of breaking up with your sweetheart!! In fact four different ways of telling the other person BUZZ off.Lets avoid after marriage talks and stick on the normal romantic affairs and the after effects.Here are my 4 theories.
1.Long Distance Relationships:Love has no distances some say.May be true,b ut after getting used to the free Airtel-Airtel calls in India,there is high probability of breaking up if one goes abroad and switches to Reliance India Calling card.With the initial hype and care about your loved ones in India ,there is a general trend of breaking up after getting AT&T connection.Initial days of frustration,loneliness,assistantship hunts,for people who have been in a relationship find it hard to get out of the whole thing by making regular calls to India and there you look at your credit card balance and realise 'wish my sweetheart had an AT&T connection' and then u turn back and see somebody patting on your shoulder and yea you have somebody close to you,who can understand u better and who is gonna have an H1 soon and wow he/she has AT&T..Lots of freedom,no worries that anybody is gonna find out,so yes I broke up with her/him..Coz long distances never work out..:P
2.Girls..sheesh,guys complain that they are emotional and they want early commitment,they talk about marriage and engagement.Commitment Phobia.Cmon, guys need time..Marriage and family are secondary..This is the problem if you fall love for a guy of your age...Trust my thesis,its very hard for a guy to think about marrying before he is 26 (oops I think even thats early)!!For the their career,their dreams,everything has to be set and yea may be when their bored of all this,they might consider a marriage
3.Religion:When you fall in love you are atheist,you respect all religions,You feel you know more about your lover's religion than your religion,try to convince each other that we are modern couples,we dont give a damn about religion,But the verb 'convert' is the villain,many agree to conquer their love and many not.There you have a simple reason.I cant go against my family!!Yes You cant and you shouldn't..
4.Yes..This is the most interesting Chemistry..Its not long distance,Its the weird chemistry,the straight line becomes triangle,you no longer love your partner,you no longer think she/he is attractive,you have a zillion reasons to avoid each other.What not!!Beauty of this theory is that it Has a clause.Many a times this happens when there is a third person involved in the relationship.You have a comparison specimen.Yes there you go...;)
Well like the 5 th theory in my Love Part-1 There are a couple of people who break up before they fall in love,may be because they haven't attended CVEN 644 Risk Anlaysis-Techniques and Modeling.You are as usual confused whether you are in or out of something,so the best way is to break up .From what??That's what I am trying to find out..:)

Well this was my humble effort to give away my dark side writing and write something different..This is dedicated to those Anonymous readers of my Blog..Yes I can write something different..;)Though I failed in it..
Cheers and happy Break ups!!!

A Regret

Is it true there is sun out there
My foot stuck in this dirty clay
Can you tell me if I should walk back
Where I can wash away my dreams.
Words of unseen seasons are fake
Dont let me walk to you to give a word
A word that will give a new strength.
Make me less strong so that I drown here
at this very moment to close my eyes
and gulp all the air that is keeping me alive
In this darkness I want to end the journey
let me be my self for a day..
call me back to where I started walking
I am letting myself fly away for sometime
taking off my foot to move with the zephyr
to open my eyes when the sun rays force me to.

A Bubble

Looking deep into that tiny bubble
I smiled to see those colors turning red
holding my breath to keep it alive
I tried moving the dark shadows on it
Pulling apart the plaette of dark colors
I stood confused on the lonely road
My next step would be on you
in which I could see my today and tomorrow
Fly away my soul from my evil aura
Closer you are to me,darker are your days ahead
I want to see you flying away to the zenith of joy
Wish I could hold you on to my heart
but I fear my tear drop might take your life

A tribute to CEM Fall 2007 Batch

Last year this time of the year I was eagerly waiting for an admit letter from my well planned list of 8 universities.Like the MS applicants call it, 2 dream ones 4 moderate and 2 safe ones.Getting into my dream university was my ultimate goal.Like we read in various orkut communities and Edulix I too believed that once you get here,u 'll find some kind of funding.With thee full scholarships in hand I still waited for my dream university which is a nightmare now.
I came here thinking it was a big achievement getting into the university I ranked first in my list and some kind of funding is sure to help me graduate.But still its an irony that when all the people you know have something in their hand,and you are still waiting.
I was chatting with one of my classmates about the pathetic situation of our specialization which doesn't even give an instate whereas some departments just give all their graduate students an instate as if its some kind of a incentive for joining that specialization.He made a valid point which everyone who is planning to come to a US university should be aware of.There are a couple of graduate students with a gpa of 4,coming from top Colleges of India with other good admits, washing plates and cleaning tables just to survive in this land and to pay their fees.
Its kind of hard to digest at times,But at least for a few people like us life in US is not a bed of roses.Its the question of survival.We bitch about our department and vent out our anger,assume that other specializations and departments doesnt exist,keep working overnight in concrete lab just to manage three courses,whereas some others with 4-5 courses a semester,party every night and earn 1000$ a month.Are we denied all this just because we have an extra 'and' in our specialization..May be yes..Just because we are Construction Engineering and Management not Construction Management..
I dont know what made me write this..May be next year this time,I'll read this post with a smile..
Well this is a small tribute to all my classmates who are frustrated with everybody in CE TTI Building..Lets all hope,at some point in life all this appear silly and funny..Cheers to CEM

The Reason

Its been exactly five months I have been in this so called United States of America.A dream destination for many third world residents and a compromise for a few who are trying to lift the shadows off a dream which was built out of a complex circumstance.It wasn't my childhood dream nor my teenage fascination to come to this country.A land of opportunities some say.But for a F1 Visa holder,this stage should be best described as a pre military training camp.Being in a class of people who is questioned about her right to breathe the self identity and the freedom to walk on the streets is the worst torture that can be given to someone who by default had a pride in her traditions and community.
Aday,a person,a word,a movie,a smile can make a difference in your life.On this track we keep running,more or less like a self tuned machine which is unsure of its path because the code of the program which makes us run is still been worked on by some unknown force which we call as 'fate'.A Sunday afternoon just turned my life upside down,but the very next day I got up and started racing again not sure about the finishing point nor who my competitors were.Here I am far away from where I started,oceans dividing my identity and my true pride.
Holding on to my certain conservative beliefs which my friends sarcastically refer as my 'ideologies and principles' I tried to make an assessment how successful i was sticking on it.But the only way I can continue this race is carrying the baton close to my heart and believing that that time has not yet come to make an assessment,nor a judgement on my race.
Coming back from a heaven where I could breathe only love for three weeks and leaving behind some people who made you realise you deserve to win this race as their prayers and strong love is pushing me hard to the destination,I decided to take a break from the world of fictional existence.
Like Amir Khan tried to say in 'Tarein Zammen Par',Everybody has the right to be special.We are all born stars,some shine throughout their life and some brighten day by day and some needs an inspiration to shine again and enlighten themselves.In between the stars we live,but you shine more when you accept that all the other stars are shining for you!!!:)

A Birthday song forever

I looked upon the stars to find you
Never could I see you smiling at me
This day I wish you fall back in my hands
I would never let you run away
A zillion kisses and hugs to you
Wish I could touch you once more
I want to sleep in your lap for a day
and I sleep forever like that
My helpless mind yearn for a sign
dont know why I stand alone
I dont want to turn back and look at you
You are here with me today and tomorrow
Singing as loud as I can.
A very Happy birthday to you!!