April 27, 2009

Country Roads..Take me Home!

There are times when you have a lot to talk about,discuss and analyze,But you prefer to be taciturn.I hardly have two weeks in this country.There is something that still makes me feel that I couldn't complete my mission here.Two years here made me realise some wonderful truths about myself.Except for a little change in my outlook,nothing really changed me.My principles,my ideologies are still the same and I am still holding on to them.Surprisingly one thing that changed was my faith; I realised that the compromises I made in my life, is not a necessity to live in this world :).It was just a moral of age old bed time story.
I was totally ignorant about H1 Bs and job prospects in US.Honestly I never had an 'American dream'.All that I wanted then was some exposure,a good education and an escape from a few haunting memories.I was in a cocoon 20 years of my life.Lived in the same place,went to the same school,did my undergrad at the same place.My whole life was confined in that small university town.When I got an admit at NIT Calicut,I just felt that I was promoted to next class after 12!Nothing changed except uncle and aunties became sirs and madams.I still got to stay at home and walk to the door steps of a  reputed college.
But when I packed my bags to fly here,I wanted to see a world,see myself grow into a butterfly that can adapt to any environment anywhere in the world.Today I feel ,I am what I wanted to be.A butterfly!But  there is this one wing of mine that fails to help me fly back to my home, the greed for more independence and more space.
A job,a visa and a few other strings  have crippled my wings.But the truth is that it is just a virtual handicap.
I always used to have an option open in my life.Never had to sit idle and wait or struggle to explore options.Today I realise my priorities are jumbled.I could have happily settled for a job after graduation if not for the recession.Five months of rigorous job hunt here made me realise that I failed to see my default option.To go back to my home country!
But there is something which forbids me from going back to the cocoon again.It might be the safest place on earth.But my wings wont fit me back there and it is always difficult to seal back the broken cocoon.
Today I stand with two good degrees in my hand.Dont know what is in store for me back in India.I am breaking those strings holding me back here.My broken wing will get stronger once I start flying.When we feel the whole world is conspiring to take away all your options,there might be one default option we fail to see.It might be the best and beautiful option,But never compromise your heart to settle for something you really dont want to do even if every single bird chirps the song glorifying it on your ears.
I am excited about getting back to those auto rickshaws.I want to breathe the air without showing my visa status and passport.The dirt free life in here might instill more dirt in my head.All that I want now is to be in the dirt that belongs to me..:)

April 17, 2009

Luck Hunt

Sometimes we see a pattern in our life.The unpredictable life becomes predictable at times.Like those researchers trying to predict the patterns of stock market,disappointed hearts tend to research on the patterns of events in their life.The words 'Faith' and 'Fate' always confuse me.I was brought up saying fate can be controlled by having a little Faith in almighty.Though I pray everyday,visit temples whenever I get a chance,I sometimes fail to have a little faith.I try hard to convince my heart to embrace the faith.But my head being more rational tends to give me a very pessimistic leap into the life ahead.
I am lucky to have a lot of people who love me so dearly.People who pray for me more than they pray for members in their family.I try to have a faith in their wishes,I can smile anytime of the day or rather proud about having so many people who love me so dearly,But still I always have a fear.I fear about this word which haunts me regularly.'Luck'.I see the resonance in the pattern,rather in 
every body's pattern,some are lucky all the time,some are lucky sometimes and some are never lucky.
Being at the right place at the right time is not something we can work on.Astrologer consultations,wearing your lucky stones,the expensive poojas,tarot cards help them to have a faith,but again does it really help them always?
Hardworking people,brilliant people might not be able to make it to places some ordinary people get it by chance.Its not about me,but about some minority in this world,who deserves much more than what they are now.Prayers,wishes,
hard work,passion, might not help them.All that they need is a little 'Luck'.
If there is a predestined path for all of us,why is this path so partial?.Why 
isn't it balanced with ups and downs.Do anyone of us care to be one among those unfortunate souls who slips down in every step they take, in spite of having a zillion hands to help them stand on their foot again.Do we ever think about their fear in taking a new step knowing they would fall down the next minute?We can just give them a hand,But not a pinch of 'Luck' destined in our share.