A Way Back

I clapped my hands to the rhythm of the song
Clouds moving part to shower the moonlight
My eyes just looked upon the stars
I could see them all shining for me
Sparkles and glitters all around
Hugging the love of first snow
I stepped out to feel the new season
Dead leaves fallen all around
I picked a few to read a few fate lines
it crumbled on my shivering hands
I looked back to see those dark roads I travelled
it gleamed in the whiteness of the fresh snow
I see a small reason on every shining flake
blossoms on my way it said
freezing the moments of innocent hope
A home of warmth and love waiting
pulling me away from an idle moment
prayers helping my way there.
Here I am in the ocean of joy
coming back to a dream I forgot
A bliss;a heavenly one!!

Destiny Drive

When your fingers move,
To gather your vaccum goals
Incessant howls bothering your way
Obsolete memories trashing upon
Crippled dreams have set me still
Entangling my views to retrace,
When they flick out of your days past,
Hiding your missions to fathom it.
I can feel caress of the zenith
My self lost among the probes,
Condemning your doings as sins
Haunting you all the way back to sanity
Words of unknown seasons have melted
your efforts sweating away as water
nothing to submit to u my lord
making me weak in my passions
scabs have made my story incomplete
halos smoothing it out like opal
aching memories are bringing a smile
washing away my woes with your words

A Walk to rememeber

It was drizzling.Chilly weather.I pressed my fingers hard on the Hot Chocolate cup!!My other hand was buried in my jacket..The song in my Ipod changed from 'Evanescence' to 'Coming back to Life'.I waited for the signal.Didn't want to lift my head and look up,as it was really cold.The song brought back some memories into my mind.Felt kinda warm.Wish I could sing along with Roy Harper.loud enough to make sure I vent out my agonies with which I started this semester and with which I am still walking back home though I am officially done for Fall 2007.Like any any other grad I had a hell lot of dreams about assistant ships and funding.My favorite pass time of keeping a track of what I don't have in my hand.I just smiled, took a sip and a deep breath and just looked up to the signal lights..It was still RED..I smiled again at me,my weird worries,silly thoughts..It was all red around because it was Christmas time.Wonder why the Americans start the celebration so early.The whole place is lit to make you feel that there is happiness all around you,at every nook and corner.Those bright lights from the xmas trees and all the bouquets seems to tell me something.
Signal Changed.I resumed my walk trying hard to lift my head to see it..
Song Changed again..'iris'..
I need an inspiration.I thought.May be from nobody else but from myself..Start the celebration of life earlier.There is a long way to go.You know there is a xmas day.Every year there is.But I wont wait for the Christmas day..Let me celebrate it from this moment.My dreams and inspirations.The Philosophy of objectivism is to be embraced when nobody expects you to do it..You,yourself and me!!!Thats the tag..Like Hugh Grant sung in Music and Lyrics
I have been living with a cloud above my head
I need inspiration not another negotiation
Thanks to that signal point..
I reached my destination. Apt 311.Took the keys out.opened the doors to see the celebration which you deserve more than anybody on earth..I deserve the best??Yes I do...
Threw the plastic cup in the trash..Maybe a lot more.It just needs a second..:)

Sweet Smell of a Great Sorrow

A dew drop washed away my tears
I smiled and embraced the warmth of that moment
Holding those moments tight,I took a breath
The fall colors and the soft snow kissed my fate
My faith was keeping its fingers crossed
Felt Fall is gonna drop off all the sorrows
My eyes wished to wake up for a new spring;

I didn't want to wake up;
I knew its a dream but soon to be a nightmare;
snow is gonna freeze me;It did
I stood still..I see all the other flowers blooming
But none in my garden;
I pressed open a bud to see a blossom
Petals falling down,I picked one of them
I see the dew drop on it..
The sky was sunny,wondered where it came from
felt the reflections on it..
saw my eyes ready to kiss farewell to those sweet moments
I did breathe hard.Ready to harden my tender soul
to face yet an other ordeal with a great smile...:)

Attention Blog Visitors

These days I find that many are very enthusiastic to comment on my posts and they just twist and turn my words..Like an old friend of mine told me once' People want to believe what they want to'..So continue with your assumptions and conclusions..The freedom of expression shouldnt be questioned...So happy commenting...:)

Notes of Sarcasm -2

Today was a tough day.I didnt have much to do,but My heart feels so heavy.I should be exited about my tomorrow's New York trip.But don't know why I am not!!I tried to sleep early,But some weird dreams kept crawling in.I thought I should write it somewhere.This might sound a bit out of place or for the lack of words 'awkward',But I guess I should take the freedom of expression..Expressions of a hurt heart.I wish I could pen down some lovely dreams,not nightmares,May be the choice of my songs are wrong.I should stop listening to my favorite numbers which always moisten my eyes..Let me just try to pen down my dream ,may be with a lame excuse that I might forget it soon..But then it wasn't a dream..this was a conversation between my best friend and myself..may be I was sleep talking..But then the story was amusing.I would like to cut it short..I don,t want to write it as a story ..Its not a story..but a reality??
There was a little girl next door..
I used to see her peeping out of the window
I wondered who she was waiting for??
there were no moon days and full moon days
her expressions varied day by day...
I see her blush when it is a full moon day..
Now I know a secret about her.
She is in love with the moon..
it was a fantasy,it was an infatuation;
I could read her mind somehow
Suddenly she disappeared;
She was running away from him
never did she know that she cant hide from him..
Moon is everywhere;wherever you go
I could hear her cries;
Never could locate her..
But one day I heard and saw her;
She looked up for him;
But there came a meteorite,She was hesitant to go
But I saw her flying away from her worries.
It was a no moon day.
The moon came next day..He looked around;
he was surprised not to find her
But he ever asked;I know he wanted to enquire
But he is so high up in the sky
I wish I could reach and tell him about her
But he never waited for her.Nor did I tried to reach him
I dreamt about her;
She said to me..
Never fall in love with the moon!!!!

Take away My Pain(Courtsey :DT)..My Fav Song

Don't say its the end of the road
I see a small girl standing there
I could see her calling me;
Her polka dotted dress looks familiar
Did I have one when I was a kid?

I was scared to approach her;
But I wanted to tell her something
doubt if she can understand;
My sorrows and pain are her toys
for my unforgiven consciousness
I stood still...

I could feel her touching me
Shivering in the cold of the touch
I listened;
She whispered a song..
I sang along...

Can you leave me behind?
seeing you in the mirror
spending days in darkness
come out to feel the warmth.
Hold my hands under the sun
Let us sing for the moon to come
I doubt its full moon today
Dream will come true someday

Go away you little Girl..
am Drowning...in guilt..in pain..
pull me to the past ;
take awaymy pain;
Let it go...I want to feel the rain..

I love India :)

10 things I miss about India
1.Food...The tasty,spicy and yummy cheap food u get there
2.Public transport especially autorickshaws
3.free incoming calls and sms
4.My size clothes [:P]
5.TV and all my favourite programs
6.Daily morning newspaper.
7.Hartals and bandhs
8.All festival Holidays
9.License to go anywhere without the i 20 and passport
10.The most important...Not being a desi....[:)]

10 Things I like about College station/bryan
1........
2........
3........
Sorry will post later..My brain just crashed I guess..will reboot and update later..
Cheers!!!!

The Guitar Lessons

I had a guitar!I used to attend guitar classes when I was a kid.But honestly I still cant play a piece properly.First string was my favourite.Very convenient.you can slide your fingers smoothly over it.but it is the one which hurts you the most,I still remember the dark red lines on my fingers.Well but very often the first strings break..I keep strumming it and somehow I manage to break it and then leave the guitar on a corner with an excuse that I cant play it without the first string!!
This day is special(1 Nov).Its an anniversary.I want to play the guitar,may be I will end up making a fool of myself like Phoeby(Remember her guitar practices).Because this day made me realise two important things in my life:
1.You may lose the first string and stop playing the guitar,But the other 4strings(wait a min,is it 5?) can work wonders,so don't bury your skills in memory of the dead string,make the second string the first string and play it,the note may be low,but I think its more reliable as its hard to break.
2.First string is hard to bend,but easy to break,but you always cherish the notes on the first string,never want to see any other string replace it,coz my favourite notes are always high!!!!
Regards
A harmless Guitar Player!!!

A lovely Morning(Notes of Sarcasm-1)

I dont care how this day is gonna end!!!The weather was awesome today..It was drizzling...I was a wearing a sweat shirt..It wasnt helping me much.But my mind was still warm...But wind just brought me a dry leaf.It didnt want to stay in my hand...It tried flying away...My hands let it free..Still wet hands did the magic..I smiled..Kept smiling...I walked in the opposite direction...Will walk away...But with a lovely Smile..I am still siling..I just cant stop it....[:)]

Thoughts.....

Once a friend of mine complained that my happiness is dependent on others.At that point of time I was actually annoyed as I felt that dependent happiness is a good thing..But took me sometime to realize the depth of that very statement..
I believe that its very easy to fake happiness,even if you are going through the toughest phase of your life,you can make others think that you are having a great time.I don't know if its a good thing or not,But on the process of fooling others with this fake happiness,at a point it becomes real.That is when the fun begins.You never know if you are being happy for yourself or for others.Just a big smile n your face is just enough to convince a few I guess.
Whats being happy for yourself??
My roomy wants me to live a day for myself..Do things what my mind wants to..Attain the happiness which nobody else but I should give myself...I am trying to breath the very thought.But I am scared if I'll fall in love with those moments and never come back to my old self...
Can we be happy for ourself alone.Everything we do has something to do with others,and I just cant isolate happiness form people around,or am I missing something..I actually discussed about this to my few friends..here are their comments..

1. donno.. but i feel there r no moments that we can have for ourselves.. because we are what we are because of everyone around us
2. we live as if we were never gonna die, and die as if we had never lived everyone around us
quite contradicting answers rite?

The Philosophy of 'objectivism'.I wish I could embrace it..But then I feel I am too late for it or the little goodness that is instilled in me might just sublime if I do..
I am just following the time...For me the little pressures are always bringing a smile..I just love the 'bubbly' tag associated with me..But let me contradict that statement..I wish I could act Grouchy....
Well all this nonsense did make some sense to my mind!!!So I think I am ready for it!!!!

Stop Inspiring me!!!

I wrote this long back..I am publishing this as I wanted to compare the themes of my poems.I realise that everything revolves around a single inspiration.I hate to call it my inspiration as it left me bruises..I wish u could stop inspiring me from writing this.I want to write about things that would bring a beautiful smile of warmth not sarcasm....

My eyes opened to find u in darkness,

The halos of my faith lead me to your soul

You moved away leaving your tears to follow

Trying to trace those momentary icons,

Walking through all the thorns u laid to hurt me

Enjoying the sweetness of that pain I followed….

Standing alone in the path to zenith I looked around;

Looks of sarcasm all around, made me blind

Drowning in the guilt of the passion I chose,

Your eyes speaking about the unknown seasons,

Reading the words from your limpid heart

I searched for those dreams holding our hands.

Felt them perishing in the heat of my agony

With my reflections dying with them

I woke to the music of the new season to come

Holding me with its words of hopes and spirits

I moved along in this new wind of desire,

To find myself smiling in the mirror of tomorrow…

The Downpour

Rains always fascinate us....It rained in Bryan today..I wish I could walk in the rain..anyways just a small thought from my heart...

I could hear your footsteps

Tamping to the rhythm of my heartbeat

My entangled hands moved to reach you

Bleeding path of destiny haunting my way

Words of sarcasm hitting me hard

I closed my eyes to see you

Bruises of past brushing me, I shivered;

holding you tight, I could feel the warmth

closing my eyes tight to hold the dream

Living the moments I never would embrace

Smiling at the zenith of the fake happiness;

The halos of fate and faith lightening my canvas

I spilled the colors of my life on your wet hand.

I opened my eyes with an empty hope

To see the colors of for coming seasons subliming

Mind???

Today was one of those days of my Life I was in a mood to look within..A long sleepless night made me think about the ups and downs of my Life.I was trying to figure out the answers for a zillion questions which always puzzled me.I could see my mind boiling with some complexes,ego,agony,frustration and a lot more.But what is this 'MIND'?
I dont know if the medical science has a proper definition for it or not.I believe they do have..Many intellectuals must have spent sleepless nights to figure out what exactly this 'mind' means..I havent read anything in particular regarding their findings or any kind of scientific analysis.But I firmly believe that the most complex part of our body is our mind..
For me my mind is sometimes my logic,sometimes my heart or sometimes the necessity of a situation.My mind has always puzzled me.It acts weird when I expect it to act in a different way.Though I feel that I can control it,Sometimes my judgment fails .But my mind never let me fail though I wish I could fail.Thats when I realise that I was under estimating the most wonderful part of me.The so called 'mind' is very cunning.I believed that I am a typical cancerian with a lot of emotions and sentiments..I still am..But what puzzles me is that my mind lets me act emotional when I face a very silly issue and controls my 'unwanted' emotions when I go through a very tough and difficult phase in which I deserve to be emotional and weak..
May be its the ego thats doing the trick!!The more you realise your weakness the more your mind fools you..I wish I could convince it to play along..
But I am amused that God has given each one of us a very interesting Riddle to play throughout your life..When you listen to it,it works wonders to you..But when you try to tamper its path,it plays in a weird way..Tuning it takes time...But the best deal to have with your mind is to challenge it..Play along...see where it takes you...

Love

The word 'love' excites everyone.I shouldn't make this statement universal as there are people who are allergic to that very expression and claim that they are NOT interested.My four years of under graduate education gave me a dual degree.A B Tech in Civil Engineering and a PhD in' Analysis of relationships'.I would like to pen down my findings as it might or might not help those who are not engaged yet.These days having a boyfriend/girlfriend is a common scenario...But its very seasonal.Back in college it was semester wise.The first Phase is the necessity..escapism from boredom.or when you see your friends with a girlfriend/boyfriend.Another reason might be cause you feel that you have been waiting for so long for the right person and you realise with a heavy heart that you are still 'SINGLE'.
Love at first sight!!!Well its something really tough..because love at first sight mostly happens when either the girl or the guy is really hot!!or may be I am wrong..so mostly such people are committed and those who fell into this trap of 'first love' will join the desperado club!!
My PhD was concentrated on the types of Love..According to my findings there are 4 reasons or types of Love.
1.Sympathy Based:these are relationships which build up out of symapathy.when one of is going through a bad phase in his/her life, a support is always welcome.The support grows into relationships and then..I actually wonder..will it last after you are outof the situation.may be..
2.Looks matter..yeaz it does..the most good looking girl in the neighborhood..she is the dream girl..Every human earns for a good looking partner...Even if the dreamgirl is a bitch(okie the dream guy is a bastard) u ca hang out with the person for sometime..jsu because looks '.......'
3.Intellectual/Philosophy:There are few pairs which get attracted to eachother because they feel that ONLY they can understand each other..their frequency matches,their intellect matches..what not!!they end up discussing philosophy,and the so called WEIRD and scientific stuff and later realise that..here we go
'made for each other'.Mostly this happens when two people do research together,or they work in the same field.But they are considered the 'most unromantic' people around,But they surprise others quiet often
4.The last category is the 'instincts' or the 'admiration' category.we all cherish certain dreams in our minds.we admire certain characteristics.We are amazed my certain qualities or attitude in others.This can be considered to a strong and reasonable characteristic to fall in love with someone.You admire certain behavioral characteristics which you would like to share or to experience..So you are simply attracted..:)
There are a few people who doesnt fit in any of these categories.The people who fall in love and never realize it or hate to accept it.They are the people who suffer and mostly believe 'one time' or 'never' !!!They are the people who believe themselves that are the ones using 'head' and not 'heart'..Lacking guts or flooding ego..they keeping it within themselves.
Well I personally feel that you need not 'go out' with a person or 'hang around' to love someone..Its just all in you..You might never let the other person know that you love him/her..U dream..keeping loving the person..get saturated and at somepoint you feel frustrated because you are confused.!!!But then you try convincing yourself that you were never in love..But at some point u simply 'Wish' the other person loves you and keep waiting...forever...with a hope in your 'heart' and a faith in your 'head' that its impossible!!!
Well as I mentioned in my first post its matter of your heart...But what I dont understand is 'trying out the chemistry"..From the very beginning you know that its never gonna work out..But you just go ahead for those momentary happiness..and then comes the breakups and patch ups..well guys..I am a bit conservative..So I believe that 'love' happens only once'...if you are lucky..you'll find your true luve soon..If you have already found one...Cheers!!!

My First Post

I always scribble down something when I feel low.I am bad with spellings and grammar.Never care to spell check or read through whatever i write.But it feels so nice when u actually pen your emotions.I have a diary..A secret diary...I scribble down stuff in it once in a while..mostly when I am depressed.But when i turn the previous pages,I feel awkward..
Poems were my all time favorite.I used to write poems..oops I still write poems.But for most of the people it doesnt make sense.They say its just a play of tough and ambiguous words.But they are true...words coming out of my heart can never make sense.
My literature teachers used to teach us the poems of great poets like Frost.We were asked to write compositions on the poets intended message.But I wonder how can we be sure that he meant the same thing..My poems are a part of me..unless you know me well,I doubt you can understand my words...So making this blog public will invite me trouble I guess ..:)