April 27, 2009

Country Roads..Take me Home!

There are times when you have a lot to talk about,discuss and analyze,But you prefer to be taciturn.I hardly have two weeks in this country.There is something that still makes me feel that I couldn't complete my mission here.Two years here made me realise some wonderful truths about myself.Except for a little change in my outlook,nothing really changed me.My principles,my ideologies are still the same and I am still holding on to them.Surprisingly one thing that changed was my faith; I realised that the compromises I made in my life, is not a necessity to live in this world :).It was just a moral of age old bed time story.
I was totally ignorant about H1 Bs and job prospects in US.Honestly I never had an 'American dream'.All that I wanted then was some exposure,a good education and an escape from a few haunting memories.I was in a cocoon 20 years of my life.Lived in the same place,went to the same school,did my undergrad at the same place.My whole life was confined in that small university town.When I got an admit at NIT Calicut,I just felt that I was promoted to next class after 12!Nothing changed except uncle and aunties became sirs and madams.I still got to stay at home and walk to the door steps of a  reputed college.
But when I packed my bags to fly here,I wanted to see a world,see myself grow into a butterfly that can adapt to any environment anywhere in the world.Today I feel ,I am what I wanted to be.A butterfly!But  there is this one wing of mine that fails to help me fly back to my home, the greed for more independence and more space.
A job,a visa and a few other strings  have crippled my wings.But the truth is that it is just a virtual handicap.
I always used to have an option open in my life.Never had to sit idle and wait or struggle to explore options.Today I realise my priorities are jumbled.I could have happily settled for a job after graduation if not for the recession.Five months of rigorous job hunt here made me realise that I failed to see my default option.To go back to my home country!
But there is something which forbids me from going back to the cocoon again.It might be the safest place on earth.But my wings wont fit me back there and it is always difficult to seal back the broken cocoon.
Today I stand with two good degrees in my hand.Dont know what is in store for me back in India.I am breaking those strings holding me back here.My broken wing will get stronger once I start flying.When we feel the whole world is conspiring to take away all your options,there might be one default option we fail to see.It might be the best and beautiful option,But never compromise your heart to settle for something you really dont want to do even if every single bird chirps the song glorifying it on your ears.
I am excited about getting back to those auto rickshaws.I want to breathe the air without showing my visa status and passport.The dirt free life in here might instill more dirt in my head.All that I want now is to be in the dirt that belongs to me..:)

5 comments:

sandeep said...

welcome back home!

can understand the feeling. i too was born and braught up in kozhikode (and studied at a school where my father was a teacher) heading to blore was a big change for me. didnt feel as much when i travelled abroad.

rakuboy said...

well, maybe you can redefine your life stages.. consider all your days at REC as the pupal stage- a time of voracious learning.. your US stint would be your chrysalis- a time when you transformed yourself... and now you have sprouted beautiful wings.. to go out and experience the world.. to fly back to where your heart belongs..

Welcome Back Home....

Ajith said...

Recession will come and go..The value of education will stay ... Welcome back to the land of not just autos --but Biryani's , chicken & much more :-)

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