November 30, 2008

Just for me!

November 23!Well Astrologer was absolutely right!It was a turning point.A day which gave a good foundation to my pessimistic outlook towards the so called journey'life'.
Being philosophical about life doesn't help you to escape away from the truths of life.I am a typical cancer who is over emotional and touchy but at the same time intuitive and imaginative.I have a dream world deep inside me where I am a that little girl who wants all the stories to end in 'Happily Ever after'.But unfortunately I could never tag it to any part of to my life.
All most all of us have a worry.We frame our worries and anxieties so big that we ourselves make it impossible for us to concede the depth of it.Somehow planning never works for me.I have this strong faith or may be the lack of it, that things will definitely go wrong with me.Inspite of all those people who loves me giving me the strength to look forward for that hidden happiness which has been deliberately evading me for so long,somehow my mind never lets me optimistic.I put my chin up and walk forward expecting an obstacle not the hidden treasure.But belive me it does help me out to face everything that comes by.
Couple of weeks back,I had a verbal offer from one of the top companies in my field.Though I had every reason to be excited,I knew I couldn't be so lucky.I tried to keep it within me without letting my smile curl up.Finally I did get a call from them informing me about their' Hire Freeze' decision.
I felt like running away from this truth.I couldn't bring that 'strong' self of mine.Like the little girl who had to go to bed without hearing fer favorite line,I felt so incomplete and confused.
Recession is not my mistake!Hire Freeze is not my mistake!I would be criticized if I say my decision to take MS was a mistake!
All that I know now is ,there are things out of your control.Its easy to tell others or give them an assurance that things are gonna be alright.But do we all mean it when we say it?
The 195 innocent souls who were brutally murdered this week,what was their mistake?We don't know.We can never even put ourselves in the shoes of their dear ones.Sometimes its better to just smile at this so called 'fate'.'Uncertainty' is the keyword.When we live we should try to live our life to fullest.But for people like me its a difficult task because I always look for a fall not a rise!But I sincerely hope if ever there is something called an 'ultimate' power,Please prove me wrong!I want to be wrong about my faith this time.


Matt said...

Yea, you're right. Life does suck and seldom we are left to rot in the dumps. But is there any point of questioning that? Can we do anything about it? We expect and expect .. and eventually, it just hurts a lot.
This is someone's mantra in life, let me just try and put it in a different way -
If you don't expect anything, life is just one great bonus ..

Anonymous said...

The learned say that 'you get what you expect'. Scriptures say that too, 'you receive what you believe'.. Congrats. You are in sync with them. You expect adversity and it is there at your footstep. Now, just retrospect, and see that every adversity you faced had an equal or greater benefit along with that... and every single time, without no failure, you have pulled through adeptly!..