Just like someone said before,our whole life is like a KSRTC Bus Journey.(For those not familiar with what a KSRTC bus is,it is the official bus transportation system in Kerala,very often referred to rickety bus rides and slow movements,should admit the new generation ones are really admirable).Mostly we start the journey standing near the driver's seat clinging on to all that we get hold of and eventually you wait for someone to make an exit and rush to get hold of the seat and have a narrow miss and still stand looking at the missed opportunity and looking around who makes the next exit.Then finally you get a seat and you breathe and look outside to get a glimpse of the true life moving around.There comes a signal,where all those on travel are on a standstill at the crossroads.You see one lane moving towards the green,with a a sarcastic smile on their faces saying 'We won the race',little do they know there is another red signal waiting for them on the route.
I loved those private moments I get on my way to and back from work,watching the traffic,watching almost the same set of people and interesting incidents and much more of a busy city life,where everyone is rushing to make a living.Luxury at its best with the world's best cars,infrastructure and much more.Not to forget those tired sleepy laborers who are stacked like consumables in supermarket sandwiched in hardwork,misery and dreams of making a living for their family back home.
I miss all that what I had,though I used to complain about my solitude,my hatred to come back after work to a closed room and feel the company of someone through skype,But today sitting in a house all alone myself in my new role as 'Housewife' I hate to admit,I miss my job,the job I hated so much,the place I felt made me a stereotype.
Today I feel like someone watching out to see everyone else in the signal gets to go and my lane seems to be in a blockage,I admit I should enjoy this very moment about being with my husband and enjoy my hidden passion for cooking,But I at times cant stop thinking about when I will restart my career,thanks to US rules on work authorization for spouses,I have little hope on going back to work in another one year.
But I guess everyone has their share of stories to say,some left their jobs to join their husbands,some to take care of their parents,and some to look after their children.
Well guess I might start this lethargy pretty soon,getting up late,no deadlines to meet,cooking innovative dishes,checking facebook and mails anytime of the day,never missing an afternoon nap,cribbing to husband of all that you could do if you had a job,trying to find dust at some corer of the room,so you could add it to the list of 'things to do' today.May be this is my golden period,I should not miss enjoying everybit,but to this generation girls who have been brought up to become a smart career women and mebbe never ever mentioned to her about becoming a smart home maker ( exceptions were there) it takes sometime to take the plunge.
But as long as I deaf my ears to those questions from the caretakers and wellwishers about my future plans and how i spend time at home,I guess I am Good!
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
April 18, 2012
November 29, 2011
Pre Wedding Updates
Behind the creation of this blog,there was this small hidden agenda.It was sort of an escapism or rather a venting out my frustrations against my reluctance to enter a marriage or relationship.The reason that time was that I still was on look out for a ‘Prince Charming’ who would come in that white horse and be a saviour and shower me with lot of happiness.Almost four years after I started dreaming I am all set to take a ride on the horse with my handsome Prince.
I guess I feel a ‘Cold Feet’ now.We happen to be two individuals who were kinda bored of their regular routine and decided to find a friendship in a stranger who they considered as a backup life partner if they don't happen to find anybody worthy enough.Backups later turned to a necessity for future and decided to go ahead with a life long commitment.
This is the story of a geeky scientist and a story teller who happens to be in two deserts on extremities of earth.
Just hardly a month for our marriage,not knowing when we can start a life together on the same corner of earth,here we are on the verge of a so called turning point.
Both of us are quiet busy inviting our friends and doing our pre wedding shopping,little do we have planned our future but the two weeks we are going to be together.I wonder if changing ur marital status might affect my social circles or friendships.But it comes with a lot of responsibility to each other and our families.Its gonna be a rock climbing.Certain stations we take a break and breath and refresh and resume the climb.Hope the rocks are supportive,ropes are strong and we have a lot of fun together in reaching our destination.I hope to update my blog ‘From a Wife’s point of View’...
I guess I feel a ‘Cold Feet’ now.We happen to be two individuals who were kinda bored of their regular routine and decided to find a friendship in a stranger who they considered as a backup life partner if they don't happen to find anybody worthy enough.Backups later turned to a necessity for future and decided to go ahead with a life long commitment.
This is the story of a geeky scientist and a story teller who happens to be in two deserts on extremities of earth.
Just hardly a month for our marriage,not knowing when we can start a life together on the same corner of earth,here we are on the verge of a so called turning point.
Both of us are quiet busy inviting our friends and doing our pre wedding shopping,little do we have planned our future but the two weeks we are going to be together.I wonder if changing ur marital status might affect my social circles or friendships.But it comes with a lot of responsibility to each other and our families.Its gonna be a rock climbing.Certain stations we take a break and breath and refresh and resume the climb.Hope the rocks are supportive,ropes are strong and we have a lot of fun together in reaching our destination.I hope to update my blog ‘From a Wife’s point of View’...
October 8, 2011
The 'Mallu' Accent
I spent 20 years in Mallu land and little did I know then that I would be ridiculed for my accent rest of my life.It was when I flew to US,I got the first slap on my face for my accent.Thankfully since all Americans think that most Indians have a common accent,I was saved from any kind of humiliation from them.It was the so called 'Indians' from other states who had a BIG issue with my accent.Initially It was very hard for me to understand what made my accent stand out from normal Indian accent,a lot of bullying and ridiculing by close friends and acquaintances made me realise I indeed had a "Mallu Accent".I consciously made an effort to distiguish 'Rose' & 'Ross',but alas I realised it was just in my blood.I comforted myself saying accent is not a big deal in life.
But the irony is that like there is an 'American' accent and 'British' accent,I too can make out where someone is from from his/her accent,But neither me or my fellow mallus I know make a fun of their accents.But whats the big deal with the Mallu accent alone?I belive an accent cant be a disturbance or a reason for irritation for anyone.Chineese,Koreans,name any region,they have their own way of talking English,But when a mallu like me utter a few words,its always a reason for humiliation.
After my tenure in US,when I shifted to 'Gelf' where its all about mallu,honestly I too wished at times there was a little less mallu people around here.90% of my colleagues are also mallus so luckily I never had an issue with my accent until this 'Bombay' raised south Indian came to my team.For the past few days I have been watching him deliberatly ridiculing certain words,When I tried to be polite and made him understand I do realise that I have a mallu accent,he just couldnt stop with it.Its a common trend seen these days.They just dont realise they too have a regional accent,but belives its just that Mallus who have an accent.
I am not someone who tries to adapt to forgein accent just coz I spent some years abroad.All I did was to bit slow down when I talked to those people there,When they could understand me well,whats with my fellow Indians.Its not about understanding a conversation,its just some other weird.I just wrote this as I was humiliated a lot for my accent.I just cant go back to my school to those lovely teachers for not correcting my accent..Is it really Important in Life??Speaking proper language matters,but I guess its all about a 'Non Mallu' accent that really matters to people.Indians are the most racists people I guess,we are divided based on the region and religion,even if we choose not to,such silly 'accents' make u feel that you are not an Indian but a 'Mallu'...C'mon people just grow up!
(I Hope there was nothing malluish in my writing...)
But the irony is that like there is an 'American' accent and 'British' accent,I too can make out where someone is from from his/her accent,But neither me or my fellow mallus I know make a fun of their accents.But whats the big deal with the Mallu accent alone?I belive an accent cant be a disturbance or a reason for irritation for anyone.Chineese,Koreans,name any region,they have their own way of talking English,But when a mallu like me utter a few words,its always a reason for humiliation.
After my tenure in US,when I shifted to 'Gelf' where its all about mallu,honestly I too wished at times there was a little less mallu people around here.90% of my colleagues are also mallus so luckily I never had an issue with my accent until this 'Bombay' raised south Indian came to my team.For the past few days I have been watching him deliberatly ridiculing certain words,When I tried to be polite and made him understand I do realise that I have a mallu accent,he just couldnt stop with it.Its a common trend seen these days.They just dont realise they too have a regional accent,but belives its just that Mallus who have an accent.
I am not someone who tries to adapt to forgein accent just coz I spent some years abroad.All I did was to bit slow down when I talked to those people there,When they could understand me well,whats with my fellow Indians.Its not about understanding a conversation,its just some other weird.I just wrote this as I was humiliated a lot for my accent.I just cant go back to my school to those lovely teachers for not correcting my accent..Is it really Important in Life??Speaking proper language matters,but I guess its all about a 'Non Mallu' accent that really matters to people.Indians are the most racists people I guess,we are divided based on the region and religion,even if we choose not to,such silly 'accents' make u feel that you are not an Indian but a 'Mallu'...C'mon people just grow up!
(I Hope there was nothing malluish in my writing...)
August 15, 2011
Generation Gap..
When I was a kid,My grandpa used to tell me that he believed in Simple Living and High thinking.Little did I appreciate then about the philosophical outlook of his.But at a age we were madly demanding stuff from our parents and busy competing with peers on the value of the those tiny gadgets and stuffs which we carried to school,the sayings of great men never had a real impact.
Fortunately my mother never pampered me with the luxuries of life as she too believed that a good education and good values was what we would always carry with us.I still remember that for every new thing I demand,she used to keep an academic constrain.So only if I did well in exams,I used to get what I wanted.Though I never appreciated such practices.
But lately I feel that my bringing up has helped me appreciate non materialistic values much more than materialistic love.Not that I am someone who completely detest materialistic gifts.I am infact someone who loves getting gifts from others.But I would say our generation was much better off in appreciating the deed of a gift not the value of the gift.
I see around kids pampered by all sort of gifts and gadgets and their demanding nature is evolving into a strange gene of selfishness and greediness.Infact It is very difficult to satisfy kids these days.They judge people based on the brand value of gifts and the value of gifts.
Infact there is no innocence in them which make us adore them.The matured talks,the complex thinking doesnt make them kids.I sometimes look for the kid in them,but I fail to see them.Maturity beyond age in disastrous to an extend,But many parents are proud about it.Mebbe this is part of evolution..
The true joy of happiness and satisfaction is missing somewhere.
Mebbe I should evolve my outlook to understand and appreciate the new generation demands..But I always end up searching for my childhood memories in this complex web....
Fortunately my mother never pampered me with the luxuries of life as she too believed that a good education and good values was what we would always carry with us.I still remember that for every new thing I demand,she used to keep an academic constrain.So only if I did well in exams,I used to get what I wanted.Though I never appreciated such practices.
But lately I feel that my bringing up has helped me appreciate non materialistic values much more than materialistic love.Not that I am someone who completely detest materialistic gifts.I am infact someone who loves getting gifts from others.But I would say our generation was much better off in appreciating the deed of a gift not the value of the gift.
I see around kids pampered by all sort of gifts and gadgets and their demanding nature is evolving into a strange gene of selfishness and greediness.Infact It is very difficult to satisfy kids these days.They judge people based on the brand value of gifts and the value of gifts.
Infact there is no innocence in them which make us adore them.The matured talks,the complex thinking doesnt make them kids.I sometimes look for the kid in them,but I fail to see them.Maturity beyond age in disastrous to an extend,But many parents are proud about it.Mebbe this is part of evolution..
The true joy of happiness and satisfaction is missing somewhere.
Mebbe I should evolve my outlook to understand and appreciate the new generation demands..But I always end up searching for my childhood memories in this complex web....
February 6, 2011
Bricks on my wall!
Just realised its been a while I scribbled in my space.Feels like I have so much to write,but some unknown element of deceit is crippling my words.May be what I am gonna scribble down is disoriented,but perfectly makes sense if you can read with a skewed outlook :)
Random Thought#1
Recently somebody told me that the reason for all my worries are because of my desires.Quiet possible!It is impossible for me to detach the 'Desires' from me as it has become an essential stimulus for moving ahead in life.Desires can be compromised to an extend to match our conveniences. Ironically I have noticed that most of my desires were either compromised or scraped off for the conveniences of others than for my own convenience.
Some say you have to turn into spirituality to get rid of your desires.But is it Human to have simple desires?
Random thought #2
Money is factor which we assume can over ride emotions, obstacles and even our fate.But do we get time to step back and think about those minds we are hurting on our way.The best excuse we can say is ‘It was unintentional’. Coming to think about it every one is selfish in our own way. Sometimes I wonder if there is someone who can love us unconditionally?
Random Thought # 3
Most of us realize at some point or the other that life is indeed unpredictable. Though we have ambitions, aspirations and well defined plans about future, we fail to realize at times that everything we have planned is indeed out of our control. In the resonance there might be a frequency that is gonna tear apart everything you have planned.
Random Thought # 4
I thought time is a good healer.Now that I am in a comfort zone with a bunch of new relationships,more people to love me,I realised I miss my Amma more and more.Now I realise I never made her special and told her how much I really loved her.For those who are blessed with their parents,Please take a moment to realise how blessed you are and make them feel special at times.. :)
Random Thought#1
Recently somebody told me that the reason for all my worries are because of my desires.Quiet possible!It is impossible for me to detach the 'Desires' from me as it has become an essential stimulus for moving ahead in life.Desires can be compromised to an extend to match our conveniences. Ironically I have noticed that most of my desires were either compromised or scraped off for the conveniences of others than for my own convenience.
Some say you have to turn into spirituality to get rid of your desires.But is it Human to have simple desires?
Random thought #2
Money is factor which we assume can over ride emotions, obstacles and even our fate.But do we get time to step back and think about those minds we are hurting on our way.The best excuse we can say is ‘It was unintentional’. Coming to think about it every one is selfish in our own way. Sometimes I wonder if there is someone who can love us unconditionally?
Random Thought # 3
Most of us realize at some point or the other that life is indeed unpredictable. Though we have ambitions, aspirations and well defined plans about future, we fail to realize at times that everything we have planned is indeed out of our control. In the resonance there might be a frequency that is gonna tear apart everything you have planned.
Random Thought # 4
I thought time is a good healer.Now that I am in a comfort zone with a bunch of new relationships,more people to love me,I realised I miss my Amma more and more.Now I realise I never made her special and told her how much I really loved her.For those who are blessed with their parents,Please take a moment to realise how blessed you are and make them feel special at times.. :)
April 6, 2010
Change of Seasons
The love in the lyrics haunting my smile
I skipped a heart beat when I hugged you
all the pain and grief that stuffed my past
washed away in that tear of joy;
I smelt the blossoming seasons in your breath
moving in the ocean of endless hopes and dreams
closing my eyes to grab the beauty of your presence
my soul bonding its alter presence across the miles
Here we stand together to be more closer than ever
fathoming our love for a more beautiful tomorrow..
I skipped a heart beat when I hugged you
all the pain and grief that stuffed my past
washed away in that tear of joy;
I smelt the blossoming seasons in your breath
moving in the ocean of endless hopes and dreams
closing my eyes to grab the beauty of your presence
my soul bonding its alter presence across the miles
Here we stand together to be more closer than ever
fathoming our love for a more beautiful tomorrow..
February 18, 2010
Dew Drop!
Dewdrops failed to whisper to me
Holding you in the warmth of my palm
arid past stay untouched in my eyes
My fingers shivered in holding you tight
swallowing the pain,I smiled at you;
Failing to see the gleam in your eyes
I recalled those dark shadows to guide me back
retracing my path in my teardrops
subliming the heartbeats in the rhytmn
I droped you to a blossoming bud
away from the deadly teary fog
just to see you smile and shine
Holding you in the warmth of my palm
arid past stay untouched in my eyes
My fingers shivered in holding you tight
swallowing the pain,I smiled at you;
Failing to see the gleam in your eyes
I recalled those dark shadows to guide me back
retracing my path in my teardrops
subliming the heartbeats in the rhytmn
I droped you to a blossoming bud
away from the deadly teary fog
just to see you smile and shine
January 18, 2010
Mindless Mosaics
Best time to give a little thought to ‘About me; is when we travel, I just love the time when I get to myself on my way to work. I tune into my favorite FM Channel and listen to their classic breakfast show. Then comes the fun part, People generally have a notion such a ‘self’ space is very dangerous. But I believe it’s nice to have a thought about your past and you’re present. I don’t want to call it’s a retrospection as that term has a lot of guilt associated with it. Apart from regrets, there are many small things which you yourself ignored which can make you proud and put a smile upon your face.
Last day I happened to see the latest building wonder.’ The Burj Kahalifa’.Buildings these days symbolizes the attitude of people. Everybody wants to rise so high, but their mind set is so narrow, The narrow pencil like structure might be architecture marvel, But to me it just symbolized a structure trying to prove ‘You can’t beat me’.
I got to learn some interesting facts about the mallus out here. They starve; they save every single ‘dirham’ and wire it back home. It’s interesting to note that most people here have a ‘sharing accommodation’. Its if a flat/house has three bedrooms and a drawing room, there will be 4 families staying in that house with a common kitchen and a bathroom. I was shocked to see even an average income guy would prefer living this way with his family coz that is the best way to save money. At the end of the day, everybody wants to have a huge bank balance back home. I sometimes wonder how long they can keep doing this. Is our ultimate motto in life is have a huge savings when we retire or to have a satisfactory life till we retire? My house owner once told me(who is earning a huge amount every month making 3 other families stay at his house), I live like a laborer here and I live like a king in my house back home. His ‘King’ role comes once in a year, But is it worth all the pain and compromises to have a royal stay once in a year. Well each one of us has a different outlook towards life. We have a different mission and vision, but I guess I would like to live life to the fullest today like I will die tomorrow.
Last day I happened to see the latest building wonder.’ The Burj Kahalifa’.Buildings these days symbolizes the attitude of people. Everybody wants to rise so high, but their mind set is so narrow, The narrow pencil like structure might be architecture marvel, But to me it just symbolized a structure trying to prove ‘You can’t beat me’.
I got to learn some interesting facts about the mallus out here. They starve; they save every single ‘dirham’ and wire it back home. It’s interesting to note that most people here have a ‘sharing accommodation’. Its if a flat/house has three bedrooms and a drawing room, there will be 4 families staying in that house with a common kitchen and a bathroom. I was shocked to see even an average income guy would prefer living this way with his family coz that is the best way to save money. At the end of the day, everybody wants to have a huge bank balance back home. I sometimes wonder how long they can keep doing this. Is our ultimate motto in life is have a huge savings when we retire or to have a satisfactory life till we retire? My house owner once told me(who is earning a huge amount every month making 3 other families stay at his house), I live like a laborer here and I live like a king in my house back home. His ‘King’ role comes once in a year, But is it worth all the pain and compromises to have a royal stay once in a year. Well each one of us has a different outlook towards life. We have a different mission and vision, but I guess I would like to live life to the fullest today like I will die tomorrow.
December 21, 2009
A word!
Holding your hands and closing my eyes
I could see all those buds waiting to blossom
the smell of the new season and air of warmth
Hurting my hands I felt your fingers moving away
I tried to wake up from the dream to stop you
You walked away faster than my heart beats
Hurting my eyes,I woke up to stop you
I see the remains of the fall.
My steps retracing those sand writings
I smiled to myself trying to wash it away with my tears
I could see all those buds waiting to blossom
the smell of the new season and air of warmth
Hurting my hands I felt your fingers moving away
I tried to wake up from the dream to stop you
You walked away faster than my heart beats
Hurting my eyes,I woke up to stop you
I see the remains of the fall.
My steps retracing those sand writings
I smiled to myself trying to wash it away with my tears
November 4, 2009
Once upon a time...
There were a lot of things which were a part of us and our routine,but cease to even flash in our minds.Last day I saw couple of school kids waiting for their school van.Certain things which were so much part of my childhood just flashed through my mind.I am not sure if everybody can relate to this,But I would like to scribble a few fond memories I had in my school life
1.Exam time :We used to have half day exams thrice a year.I loved exam time as I could be back home for lunch and watch all the TV Programs which I used to miss otherwise.During exams we never carry our backpacks,it was always those big 'textile plastic covers' to carry the pencil box and the writing pad.I used to keep the good ones under the bed exclusively for exam time.We used to compare the covers in class and always wanted our cover to look the best :).I still remember the time I got the 'paper bag' for the first time.I saved it for the annual exam and made sure it was safe and away from the hands of my mother.
2.Name slip.I was crazy about nameslips.Before the school starts it was a custom that me and my amma sit together and cover all the notebooks and textbooks with the plastic coated brown covers.I used to adore the special white colored ones my classmates used to bring which was available only abroad.Nameslip was a status symbol too.I never used to stick those nameslips you get for free from shops,But always wanted the glitter cartoon ones.I still remember me telling someone that my biggest wish in my life is to get 1000 nameslips from God.
3.Lunch time.I was/still a slow eater.There were only a few dayscholars in our class.But we all used to sit together and discuss everything for lunch.We always waited to see what was inside our friend's lunch box.Then comes the sharing part.I miss those lunch sessions when we could take anything from anybody's lunchbox which tastes 1000 times better than what was in our lunch box.
Lot more to write,But I guess space is not enough.In a nutshell I miss my school days.Innocent days,innocent dreams and innocent minds.Wish I never grew up :)
1.Exam time :We used to have half day exams thrice a year.I loved exam time as I could be back home for lunch and watch all the TV Programs which I used to miss otherwise.During exams we never carry our backpacks,it was always those big 'textile plastic covers' to carry the pencil box and the writing pad.I used to keep the good ones under the bed exclusively for exam time.We used to compare the covers in class and always wanted our cover to look the best :).I still remember the time I got the 'paper bag' for the first time.I saved it for the annual exam and made sure it was safe and away from the hands of my mother.
2.Name slip.I was crazy about nameslips.Before the school starts it was a custom that me and my amma sit together and cover all the notebooks and textbooks with the plastic coated brown covers.I used to adore the special white colored ones my classmates used to bring which was available only abroad.Nameslip was a status symbol too.I never used to stick those nameslips you get for free from shops,But always wanted the glitter cartoon ones.I still remember me telling someone that my biggest wish in my life is to get 1000 nameslips from God.
3.Lunch time.I was/still a slow eater.There were only a few dayscholars in our class.But we all used to sit together and discuss everything for lunch.We always waited to see what was inside our friend's lunch box.Then comes the sharing part.I miss those lunch sessions when we could take anything from anybody's lunchbox which tastes 1000 times better than what was in our lunch box.
Lot more to write,But I guess space is not enough.In a nutshell I miss my school days.Innocent days,innocent dreams and innocent minds.Wish I never grew up :)
October 1, 2009
Just for me!
PS:Not edited!
A true victim of recession.Sigh!I hate to admit that.But I still wonder why ME?I am sick of all the motivating and optimistic and spiritual lectures I get to hear everyday.But I frankly regret to have done so well in my studies since school.Inspite of reading biographies of people who did a lot of hardwork to make it big,I really dont know why I still have a lot of expectations about my career.I find it hard to compromise.I know this is a bad time to be choosy,But today I feel even if I give away my dreams and ambitions,its hard for me to find a job.
I had a terrible experience when I decided to try my hand in teaching.I thought it would be a good idea to go teach in an Engineering college rather than sitting at home and wait for the 'VISA' which seems to be a illusion! On my first day to college,I was shocked to see the number of private engineering college buses in the stand.Students dressed in uniforms,It was hard for me to comprehend the fact that they were engineering students.Engineering has just become an extension of 12 std.The college was no different from a school.I felt bad about myself coming back to such an environment.But I used to love teaching and I felt it was a good service.But unfortunately the class turned out to be another shock.It was hard to believe they cleared the entrance examination because most of them didnt know even the basic geometry.But the worst part was the attitude of the students.Students behaved to me as if I am some random girl they met in some park .Forget about showing a little respect,they were throwing offensive words on me.My pride just couldn't let me continue there.I found it funny when they asked me'Teacher,Why did you come to teach in a college like this even after doing your MS from US,Didnt you get any other job'.I was heartbroken.I realized how much ever we try for certain things,most of the things are out of our control.
I wish I had lesser pride,lesser expectations out of life.But sometime I think ;Have I not sacrificed enough to have to have little happiness or rather not to be in an 'unhappy' state?
A true victim of recession.Sigh!I hate to admit that.But I still wonder why ME?I am sick of all the motivating and optimistic and spiritual lectures I get to hear everyday.But I frankly regret to have done so well in my studies since school.Inspite of reading biographies of people who did a lot of hardwork to make it big,I really dont know why I still have a lot of expectations about my career.I find it hard to compromise.I know this is a bad time to be choosy,But today I feel even if I give away my dreams and ambitions,its hard for me to find a job.
I had a terrible experience when I decided to try my hand in teaching.I thought it would be a good idea to go teach in an Engineering college rather than sitting at home and wait for the 'VISA' which seems to be a illusion! On my first day to college,I was shocked to see the number of private engineering college buses in the stand.Students dressed in uniforms,It was hard for me to comprehend the fact that they were engineering students.Engineering has just become an extension of 12 std.The college was no different from a school.I felt bad about myself coming back to such an environment.But I used to love teaching and I felt it was a good service.But unfortunately the class turned out to be another shock.It was hard to believe they cleared the entrance examination because most of them didnt know even the basic geometry.But the worst part was the attitude of the students.Students behaved to me as if I am some random girl they met in some park .Forget about showing a little respect,they were throwing offensive words on me.My pride just couldn't let me continue there.I found it funny when they asked me'Teacher,Why did you come to teach in a college like this even after doing your MS from US,Didnt you get any other job'.I was heartbroken.I realized how much ever we try for certain things,most of the things are out of our control.
I wish I had lesser pride,lesser expectations out of life.But sometime I think ;Have I not sacrificed enough to have to have little happiness or rather not to be in an 'unhappy' state?
August 26, 2009
Discovery of India-Part 1
Not that I am a travel freak. Traveling and sightseeing were never in my list of hobbies.But I always knew I wanted to see and feel ‘Life patterns’.See as many people I can and feel how is to be a different soul groomed and bred in a different corner of the world.When I travel it’s not the scenic beauty that captures my attention,its always the people.I remember my Amma telling others that how her daughter can never enjoy the nature or rather love the nature. :)
One day I was showing an American friend of mine a few pictures of my visits in US.I had a little pride in my words as I was lucky enough to visit a lot of famous tourist destinations in US.My snaps also had this pic of me in front of the statue of liberty.I was telling her how happy I was to be near one of the wonders of the world.But her next question shut my mouth completely.She asked me for the picture at Taj Mahal.That question made me think.Rather than exploring foreign land,Should I not see my Mother India and her wonderful diversity?
For me North Indians and North India was all to do with rich sarees, ornaments and rich food. Thanks to Ekta Kapoor serials.I was so excited when two of my friends agreed to accompany me toexplore those places I marked on the Map for my History and Geography classes.
Thanks to Bollywood,for some reason I was feeling so filmy sitting in the Taxi on our way to my friend’s place from Delhi Airport.I wanted to sing aloud ‘Masarkali Masarkali’.But thought it would be a little too much drama and excitement.But I felt kinda patriotic for some reason.Must be the fact that I was finally at the Capital of the country.The fun part was that right from the airport everybody expects you to be fluent in your National tongue.To brush our hindi skills me and Anna (My friend) started counting ‘ek do teen..’ after 29there was a gradual decline in the pace of our recitation. I knew the driver was amused.Our Delhi friend (DKP) tried her level best to shut our mouths to save herself from the embarrassment. Two years has changed her Hindi.I still remember teasing her in College about her handicapped Hindi.Sigh!We quickly brushed p our gender issues and article and other grammatical issues and finally settled for a ‘hum hein haim’ end for all the sentences.
The first thing I learnt after stepping outside Kerala was to bargain for everything.It was disheartening to see the autorickshaw drivers looting the public.Thanks to those few days in Chennai before our delhi trip.:)Our first mission was to to explore the shopping streets of Delhi.Yes I know what you must be thinking.Girls and shopping are inseperable. But behind my shopping mission I also had to do justice to my appetite craving for those typical northie specialities.The scary jaundice experiences of both of my friends couldn’t stop me from those bhaji and puri walas.It was a bliss!I felt excited. At the same time I couldn’t ignore a lot of things in those streets.Small kids hardly 10 year old as hawkers in streets selling stuff and begging the tourists.A small change in our fate,We might have been one of them.Even if they have dreams,only miracles might help them conquer what we are all blessed with.It was a thrilling experience to bargain.We struggled in our crippled hindi for even 2 digit bargaining, but then we learnt a lot of tricks which made us save a few hundreds J.Thanks to our frequent’Kam karona bhayya’ and those dramatic ‘walk outs’.It was quiet adventurous!!! ;).
Continued…
June 16, 2009
Dew..
Those whispers failed to enlighten me
my fear echoed in your way
I moved my hands to reach your soul
the frozen memories entangled my hands
My eyes searched for those moments in your eyes.
Those teardrops might kill your smile
I smiled to see those drops roll back
A lie to the world,a truth to my life.
May 12, 2009
Coming Back to 'LIFE'..
I was excited about coming back,But now I am missing many things I failed to appreciate there.Never knew that I would terribly miss some people I met two years ago.Mebbe its a little hard to stay away from people who you met late in your life.Its been just a day here.But already I am being piled with questions like 'when will you go back?' "what are your future plans?'..Reminds me of the old malayalam movie 'Varavelpu' :P
As I approached the asian subcontinent I could feel the difference.The courtesy,the manners,cleanliness everything declined.But for a person who grew up here,it might not be a big deal.But I realised there are a lot of things we should adopt from the western culture not blindly their fashion.It was hilarious when I saw how our people were pushing and pulling to get into the gate at the airport, like they do in the buses here.Forget abt apologizing for hurting you,I even heard people swearing at each other as if the seats might be filled if they dont get inside the flight at the earliest :)
During my transit at Kuwait airport ,we had a proper Swine flu screening with medical attendants testing temperatures of every passenger.But the irony was at the TVM airport when I saw this huge crowd before the immigration counter.There was this one doc and around 100 passengers crowded around him.He was distributing a paper which was a questionnaire which apparently would help them to understand if we have swine flu.In my opinionIt was the lamest way of screening .All that we need to do was just sign a declaration that we dont have fever,cough or cold.When he saw that I was coming from US,he asked me Bhadra,Do you have cough or cold?Duh!!I would do anything anything to get away from that crowd coz if I had to stay there in the mess for a few more minutes I would definitely have some weird flu soon.
Had a lot to write,But I think I should wrap up..Jet lagged!!Yaaawn!
As I approached the asian subcontinent I could feel the difference.The courtesy,the manners,cleanliness everything declined.But for a person who grew up here,it might not be a big deal.But I realised there are a lot of things we should adopt from the western culture not blindly their fashion.It was hilarious when I saw how our people were pushing and pulling to get into the gate at the airport, like they do in the buses here.Forget abt apologizing for hurting you,I even heard people swearing at each other as if the seats might be filled if they dont get inside the flight at the earliest :)
During my transit at Kuwait airport ,we had a proper Swine flu screening with medical attendants testing temperatures of every passenger.But the irony was at the TVM airport when I saw this huge crowd before the immigration counter.There was this one doc and around 100 passengers crowded around him.He was distributing a paper which was a questionnaire which apparently would help them to understand if we have swine flu.In my opinionIt was the lamest way of screening .All that we need to do was just sign a declaration that we dont have fever,cough or cold.When he saw that I was coming from US,he asked me Bhadra,Do you have cough or cold?Duh!!I would do anything anything to get away from that crowd coz if I had to stay there in the mess for a few more minutes I would definitely have some weird flu soon.
Had a lot to write,But I think I should wrap up..Jet lagged!!Yaaawn!
February 14, 2009
Love Actually!
Oh no!Another mourning day for some unfortunate souls.Facebook status messages are quite rhythmic.Everybody has a 'Valentine' wish decorating the top tab of their profile.But this 'Happy' day is the longest for some people who claim to be the happiest in the world for 'No strings attached'.Interestingly they are the ones who are nosy about the developments around them.Their 'dont care' attitude and sarcastic comments on such celebrations emphasises the fact that they are 'missing' some unknown fun.For those who have the 'Fun' at their own expense silently cribs about the freedom they are missing.Grass is always greener on the other side.Its just an other day for most of us.But the best part of this day is the ironic conflict within us which forces the so called 'Single' people think more and more about this day and try their best to make it an ordinary day!
For a moment I thought it was my Birthday!I have been receiving calls/emails from all my 'single' friends.Its not to wish me but just to tell me.'Valentines Day..Big deal!Who cares..'But then the conversations always ends with a Happy Valentines day and a Sigh!!
I am not a 'don't care' type,I miss those days in college when I used to send prank love letters/chillies to my friends.Those evenings with my 'single' friends cribbing rather bitching about those fortunate souls who are busy taking care of those bouquets and getting ready for the evening fun..
Today I am still the same,the only difference is that I use a public forum to discuss such 'isms and ologies'
Oops Almost forgot to wish you guys!
Happy Valentines Day !!!
Regards
Dr Love
PS:For those who havent read this article,Please have a look.A very disturbing 'Love' byproduct
February 3, 2009
Systematic Chaos
Remember those echoes?
Did you try to sing it aloud
I hear it rhyme with the beats
Air,its stuffed with your words
Ride the dreams to the zenith
I can close my eyes to see you leave
Blindness show me the beauty of my present
my cold hands brush those warm visions
I fail again to remain blind
the colors clutch open my eyes
to see another new shadow to trace
with a bleeding feet,I glide
January 24, 2009
Curious Case of BN
I am feeling very homesick today.Tried to flip through the old pictures,old memories and even listened to the songs I used to hear at home.Tried to talk about my home,my routines,my school and what not.But then at some point I just couldnt talk more,felt like I forgot the dream I had yesterday.I know I can never get those days back.
"What would you like to do now"-This was an innocuous question my friend asked me over a chat today.Though he was expecting me to say'Lets playscrabble in facebook' I had a different answer and it was ...
I wanna go to SM Street in Calicut with my friends.Get down near Manchira sqaure and walk in the crowd and get inside the triveni store.On my way, I want to pray in front of the Hanuman Kovil for a minute and rush to the store and see the latest school items.Checking the list in my pocket I want to head to TBS and get a few books and stationaries.Head back to Koyenco Bazar and have a Sharjah from the corner shop.Window shop the latest salwars and 'gulp' at those price tags.Get an to Mezban with an anxiety.Sit in our favourite table and start the usual gossip sessions ordering fish fingers and kababs followed by the Kadai Biriyani.Spil the coke bottle like I always do.Burp-Time to walk to the Baskin Robbins.Walking in the dust and rush near BMH I wanna look around and comment on those couples from our college who have come to the city to hang out.Get an auto back from BMH to the Palayam stand I wanna hear the drivers and Kilis shouting 'Mukkam -REC..Mukkam REC'
Step into those flamboyant private buses and get hold of the 3 seater next to the driver.Open my purse and give Rs 12..Fasten those invisible belts for the roller coaster ride
Close my eyes and 'Lift shadows off a Day' till I see the hoard 'NIT Calicut'
I miss Calicut!I miss my Home!
January 3, 2009
Fairy Tale
2009!I feel very old,tired and exhausted.Feel like sitting in rocking chair and narrating a long story to my grandkids.But then I realise I am still a grand'kid' not a grand'ma'.A listener to some great anonymous story teller.I still have a very long way to go,cannot afford to take a break at this stage.But what excites me is the fact that if I keep walking,there is a 'tinny tiny'(Courtesy to my 3 year old cousin) hope that my story might end in 'Happily ever after'.
I couldn't come up with a new year resolution.I forget my new year resolutions within a week or so,But it was always fun to have one on new year.The most popular new year resolution was to get up before 6:30 every morning.My amma used to promise me with tempting gifts if I hold on to this resolution for atleast a month.But somehow I couldnt get up before 7:30 even if I had a board exam at 8:30.
Does a wish really make a difference?I checked my 2009 forecasts on the new year day itself.Very interesting predictions.I am thinking of starting a 'astrology' column in my blog.On a lighter note it will be good idea to have a astrology,matrimonial and relationship consulting!I am sure to Rock ;).After all my degree is in Construction management,would definitely have some 'Constructive' management skills :P
Happy New Year!
Happy Birthday.I miss u a lot :)
........................................................................
This is some addition to my previous post :D
Consulting Business.
Step 1
Watch
If you still have time watch this
December 27, 2008
Matrimonial Blues-Part 2
The Matrimonial hunt is also hit hard by the recession.I hear less of engagements,but more of marriages as I believe people dont want to lose their fiancees too, along with losing their jobs.
Its been almost a year my relatives have been after me to look for guys in the matrimonial sites.Though I am a beginner compared to my friends who are far ahead in this process, I have had some wonderful experiences and have made some notes which might help all those who would be in this process sooner or later.For the ease of it let me call the Prospective candidate as PC and the Applicant as AC :D
1.Unlike the primitive times where we had to make phone calls to our friends/relatives to know about someone,today the first thing the AC does his 'google' his/her name in orkut search.Well if you find a really impressive profile picture,Whew!Next comes intense postmoretm of the the profile which includes the interests,profession even 5 things you find in his/her bedroom :P.If you have really wacky'dull 'headlines' or 'about me' its gonna be a big turn off.Then comes the testimonials.Make sure you have really impressive testimonials and please do not lock your testimonials if you are a PC!On a lighter note,if you have the testimonials from ur ex-gfs/bfs,its high time you delete those mushy testimonials.
Most of the albums and scrapbook are locked these days.But trust me, people like me even go to the extent of reading the scrap books of PCs from the first page and have been turned off by the insight of their past relationships.I know quite a lot of people who have been disappointed to see the album locked and end up asking the 'mutual friends' to download and send them the pictures :)
Communities are another major criteria in the selection process.Getting to know the guy is through the communities he is a member of.First things first.You check on the 'mutual communities'.Yipee!! We have 5 communities in common. Make sure you screen your communities well if you are in this process.Recently my friend rejected a guy just because he was part of a liquor community as it was not quite acceptable in their religion.
Well if you are a blogger,Bingo!It helps ur AC to get a good idea about you.Many of those doing ng MS/PhD have their own academic web pages which also helps the AC.
These days 'googling' in orkut has become so common that many of the elders in my family do that to learn more about the fiancees of their dear ones.If you are already engaged or announced your commitment to the family,You can expect to see a lot of of profile visitors.
Unfortunately Facebook doesnt allow unsolicited loitering in their profile,So many are disappointed to find PCs having no accounts in orkut,but only in Facebook.
2.Never start a conversation with a AC with a notion that he or she knows nothing about you.In this era of cyber matrimonial and dating,its very easy for anybody to find details of the past relationships.To be on the safer side,its always best to be truthful about your social life,else you'll be sued for cheating with ur scrapbook or testimonials as evidence.
Recently my cousin came up with this proposal for me from a IITM guy.She expected me to get excited as once upon a time I had put 'IIT,NIT'in my specifications and kept rejecting her selections as they are not from IIT,NIT.Though I did it to escape from this process,Now I realise most girls from my college days prefer the same.Well coming back to the story,I googled the guy's name in orkut and was surprised to find no common friends as I always end up finding at least a common friend with a NIT or IIT guy.I wasn't very much impressed by his pic nor his profile which looked dead without even one testimonial.My cousin was kinda proud of giving me a guy of my choice and was talking about the future plans and how his face reminded her of me.But I knew I could find an excuse,I kept fiddling with his profile,and here is the catch.Well its not IITM BUT IIITM :) Bingo!I jumped and told her about my intelligent finding!
But all that she told me was.'Edi ,Cmon Big deal..He has an extra 'I' not one less;so its a plus right?' :D
Good Luck guys n gals with your 'HUNT'.Time to polish ur profiles :)
December 18, 2008
Trial of words
Holding hands of those shadows beside me
I stood there frozen to feel the dream
Did you tell me I could feel the warmth?
Or did the shadows just echoed my past?
The space and time crumbling in myself
I could see you in that crackled mirror
Walking to you with those dark eyes in pain
I smiled to those stars that showed me my way
Deep steps might leave a mark for you
to make you regret on the blood that it shed
crippled faith wont let me surrender to you
my silent scream would reach you soon
to wake you up from the dream you showed me.
I believe behind every sorrow there is an expectation.To feel true happiness or content we have to get rid of all expectations we have in others,society and future.But I dont think anyone of us could have the leisure of not having any expectations.If you claim you dont,I bet you are the biggest hypocrit.I personaly have seen a lot of people who claim to be really strong struggling to establish their strength or emphasize that in their deeds.But the truth is its all about how well you hide your weakness.Strength is that virtue which people develop to hold on to satisy their ego ....Cliche?
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