The Ghost of You!

When we feel really helpless or rather embarrassed about something,we move into a stage of hostile procrastination.The element of dissatisfaction about someone or the way you responded to it, will instill some knee-jerk behaviours.
At times, when we are really pissed about something and also have a self realization that there is no sense in being silly/pissed about it,we try to act as if we wouldn't vent it out to make a fool of ourselves.But the irony is that,such foolish attempts might lead toa zillion destructive assumptions.
Most of the people(though majority of them don't admit) are sensitive and possessive.But their sensitivity and possessiveness are camouflaged well or rather many can carry themselves pretty well without letting the world know that they do have the so called 'Female traits'.The most foolish thing one can do about this would be going around telling everybody about your behavioural traits.We might think this would help others in understanding us in our state of 'Chaos',But for those who do that,they will be tagged with such traits even if they behaviour is normal and sensible.
The best way of dealing with the mood swings and behavioural inconsistencies would be the so called adaptive intelligence.Take small steps at a time and try to correct every single breath you take right form the beginning of emotional chaos.
Try to look at yourself as you would see any other person in trauma.Never let yourself run away or towards the reason of the conflict.'Diplomacy' is the right term here.Our own self can be very interesting at times.Learning ourselves and the frequency curves would lead us to a state of simplicity.A world without any preset philosophies.Just go for a free fall.Re frame your thinking mode.Don't make yourself the hero of a cult movie but,Like in romantic comedies,try to be that stupid hero who fails to be himself in front of the heroine.

Happy Birthday!!

'Lifting shadows off a Dream turned 1 today'..Ooops a long Name..I should rather call him(Yes Yes its a him) by his pet name.I still haven't come up with a cute name yet.But suggestions are welcome.;)
Well last year when I decided to start a public blog,my intentions were just to kill time and frustrations.
My friends always complain that I never edit my emails and letters!When I started blogging I never wanted people to comment on my sentence structure,spellings and grammar.But then like somebody says 'Who Cares'.;)
But today my little cute diary is dormant.I am into the tasking of 'Saving Tress'.
Well it was a pretty good networking with blogging.On this day my intention is to write about some funny incidents and characters I met in this space.
Thanks to the blogpane for the popularity and the hits.Special thanks to Ajith for linking one of my posts in his blog and his comments for almost all my posts.I used to stalk on all the visitors using my sitemeter and have a good laugh when I realise that some people read my blog everyday!
There used to be this anonymous person who used to comment about my writing style and sentence structure.I guess he thinks there is no use giving me advices rather warnings :P.
The Anonymous Economist:Mr Anand,the economist from world bank!No idea who this guy is.I tried hard finding him in orkut with the help of all the information on his IP.No luck.He no more reads my blog!Well it was fun reading your comments Mr Economist.

Vintace aka Thomas: Someone who pretends that he is commenting but writes longer stuff than what I post.Finally he ended up starting a blog for his 'Creative writing'.

Anonymous Austin:Every single day I used to have a visitor from UT Austin who had linux OS,I have just two friends in UT.One is someone who wouldn't even read his assignments properly.The other friend,well to be honest I thought she would be the last person to stalk on me.I belived there is some anonymous admirer in UT until last week,When all the suspense ended,it was her..Ms NP!!;)

Trivandrum-Kolkata-LA Somebody who never wants me to blog just because he knows I write only when I am extremely depressed.Thanks to him for all those international and now free AT&T calls starting 'What happened da?'

Delhi Team:The Alstom Females :Daily Cup of coffee!!

My Family:
My Chettan and Chechi who keeps an eye on my Blog!
My Chechis in Bay Area who reads my blog from their office.(Nortel,Cisco)

Work(Internship):
Thanks Jamie for reading my blog regularly1Missing You all!!

College Station:For all those stalkers in College Station:More to Come :P

Finland: Thanks Laila Chechi

Chennai:Ms I never knew you would read read my Blog Aaaana :P

Anonymous Anonymous!Still quite a lot of critics are anonymous.I just know their locations!
Singapore
New Delhi
Bangalore(I know a few)
Bombay(Special thanks to Jolly for adding my blog)
Trivandrum
Cochin
Trichur
Clemson,South Carolina(I think I know who this can be)
UIUC,Illinois
Well I should stop this here!
Thanks a lot for all those visits and comments,I missed a lot of regular visitors here,But then I am not sure If they will be happy to have their name in my post :P
More to Come :)
PS:Duh!Not edited!!

My Chicken Soup

1.Career Fair :Not at all Fair.
Headline:'We don't sponsor International Students'
Process:Wash all the plates before you go to bed!Start the next day with a clean kitchen.
PS:Conserve Trees.Do not give your resumes just because u spent 2 weeks preparing it.

2.Friendship:A Complex Possessiveness
Headline:'Seasons in the Sun'
Process:Vent out all that insecurities,possessiveness,fear and anxiety you have for your friend.Act like a total fool.Toast the bread with extra Cheese for him/her.
PS:Do not try this before you plan to sleep.You'll lose your sleep,next day's classes and assignment deadlines.

3.Mono act:A Satire
Headline: Weapon of Choice
Process:Laugh aloud,smile as if you got the best surprise ever,weep inside with a thought that I fooled them again.Switch off the Pressure Cooker before 6 whistles,else it will be the 'last Smile'
PS:The Audience area set of prejudiced souls who are busy with their personal affairs.Never ever expect that the theatre will be house full everyday like the inaugral day.

Stairway to Heaven :D

Doomsday talks all around the world,people are slowly accepting the fact that the rumours might actually come true.Every single person I meet has some interesting piece of information about the doomsday.I started noticing posters here and there about various 'world ending' party announcements.Well,such doomsday announcements have come and gone.I still remember atleast a dozen of such announcements in past 15 years.But this time media is giving an unusual coverage to the whole 'Big Bang' experiment.
I really don't why should everybody worry,because even if it happens we wont even know.Its gonna be like a dream.Its just a fraction of a second.A blink!I just read about a girl in India who suicided just because she though world is gonna end.Even if its true she will be the only loser!For me the whole 'doomsday' is not making any sense.I don't think any agency would let an experiment happen without studying the consequences.May be its the experiment team itself bringing up such possibilities to give popularity to this experiment!I am just glad I did a bit of learningg about Big Bang! :P
With the 'Ike' Hurricane hitting our place tomorrow,everybody is excitedly talking about their last wishes.But I am glad I got a holiday for Onam to welcome the'Ike' maveli.Its gonna be a thrilling experience tomorrow,with a zillion emails poring in my mailbox from the university authorities regarding the weather conditions and preparations,I am getting more and more curious how severe it is gonna be.May be this is a hype,But may be not.
Happy Onam and Happy 'Ike' to all in College Station :)
I am missing Onam terribly!May be Onakodis more ;)
PS:I would love to know what everybody thinks of doomsday!

Monday Tidbits ...

Till yesterday we did not know it,
Even tomorrow, we may not know it,
The death to this trunk which is the body that we see today,
Know we not when it is.
We do not know what we were in the last birth,
We do not know what we will be in the next birth,
Even in this birth in this human body,
Know we not when all this is going to end.

This is the English translation of the famous 'Jyanapana' by Poonthanam.
My knowledge or exposure to vedanta is limited or honestly nil.But then jyanapana was a simple poem which I used to chant every evening assuming it is a prayer song.But for some reason I feel that this wonderful work is a nutshell of the so called 'Life'.We run around grabbing all that we can get hold of,every step pre planned and scheduled.But we hardly get time to realise the truth that we might have to stop the race even without a warning.There can come a crazy fraction of a second which is gonna pull you back to where we all started.But what drives us to our destination is the ignorance of this truth.Once we are enlightened,we might never run again and give up this race which we might finish with a Gold!Well few weeks ago I had a wonderful enlightenment !A'coming back to life'.I have called myself unlucky a zillion times,But a luck wrapped me up and lifted off that dark shadow which had been following ever since I lost faith in Lord.Never knew my own prejudices might betray me.But now I see the path ahead and behind, in the same bright sunlight.But without my own shadow.
The excitement comes in that uncertainty we have in our minds.Life is more complicated than Ekta Kapoor serials!Even after years the clock continues ticking,but all the actors look fresh and flamboyant!Its because we never know when and where is the climax.So do keep watching the recaps and precaps.To be Continued....

PS: Lately I have been criticized for the lack of structure,spellings,grammar etc.I am really sorry to disappoint all those who sincerely wanted me to improve..Its too late I guess.. :P
I just hate editing!!

An incomplete Note

A phase of dejection and then there comes a phase of geniality!Like the general public say after every down phase in life,there is indeed a up side.Though I completely disagree with the second statement I decided to embrace the so called 'geniality' in the subconscious mind.My enthusiasm to fool around and hide my actual age by narrating interesting gossip masalas in my kiddish way helped me a lot in giving me a immature image!(For those who haven't met me,I look like a8 grader :P)
I wanted to come back to Texas with a mature image this time.Though I cant have a make over,But I thought this semester I wanted to be what I used to be 3 years ago.
May be like a dear friend told me the other day,I indeed need a fine tuning in the way I carry myself.An elegance or rather a maturity!
This summer I realised my priorities in life have changed a lot.My B school dreams,my career interests everything has changed.I have started compromising on a lot of things,my expectation about myself,people around me.
My pessimistic views or rather experiences that made me realise there are only very few things u can take control of.You are NOT the boss of yourself.
I came back with a hope,I can be a new self,a fake idol.
Like a new year resolution its just vanished on the second day!I forgot about the resolution..I felt it was a silly dream I had.Though I changed my track from matrimonial track to my career path,there is still some fine tuning missing somewhere.Can we indeed change ourselves in a month?Is this fine tuning going to help me grab all my dreams??Or is it the time I start doing what I hate the most!Loving my self!
With 4 courses,full time job hunt and no part time job,may be I wont get anther chance to waste my time for a silly thought like this.But may be some years down the line,when I read these lines,I might laugh at this post with the same immaturity with which I completed this post.

Matrimonial Blues!!

I guess this post may turn out to be a bit controversial. :p
But this is something I really wanted to write ,but never had the 'Guts' to.But today after being asked by my relatives to create a profile in Bharat Matrimony,I guess a few words of sarcasm/helplessness should be vent out from a soul that is burning out a remote sense of humility!
Few years back when I joined college and used to watch my friends get into relationships,I used to believe myself that it is a taboo!My previous posts about my perspective of theories of 'Love' has labeled me as a conservative idiot who is not ready to move on life because of her silly principles and ideologies.
Well, as grad student who took courses in Risk management still do believe that its not a worthy 'Risk'.Four years of a wonderful college life taught me a few more theories about 'Falling in Love'.
1.Its all meant for people who can just change plates and simply moves kissing goodbye to all those emotional entanglement whatsoever they had.
2.Never ever assume that couples you see around you are gonna get married.
3.If you are just looking for momentary fun,Romance is a bliss!!

Well I am deviating from what I intend to write,so let me just come back to the point.There comes a point early/late in most of our lives we have to think seriously about finding a partner for ourselves(This is a very generic statement,I agree there might be exceptions).So for all those unfortunate souls who tried to stick with the Risk management theories will have to go through a humiliating torture which might ultimately lead them to a turning point in life.
But the method has undergone a major evolution in past few years.Newspaper adds and brokers are not attractive anymore.Its all about how well you can describe in a few words about yourself and your family.
I found it funny and a bit frustrated when I logged into one of the matrimonial sites to register myself.May be its not a big deal.But for a few seconds I felt as if I was gonna be put on sale in E Bay!To describe yourself in 50 words,your expectations about your partner in another 50 words!Should I just cut copy paste my Resume or put a link to my orkut profile?? (Which I think is a better idea)
Is this how everything works out in our society??My friends had some terrible experiences with the so called' checking out' a guy as a part of the arranged marriage business.You go meet a guy who your parents found you from a newspaper/site talk to him for an hour and give them a 'Yes' or 'No' in 24 hours!
Well,like the dating sites ,it a gamble which few people have to go through I guess.A punishment for keeping up your priciples and theories and mitigating a risk!
On a lighter note,like in Bollywood movies 'Mr Khan' would be there next to you in the flight.I should make sure I talk to the guy next to me when I fly next time!
The time is not so far when we see matrimony classifieds in personal Blogs!!

Whining Guitar String!

'Strength is a Virtue always admired,Never Desired'.
This is the ultimate truth that I have been living for a couple of years.I was quiet ignorant about the great philosophies the authors of 'self motivating' books narrate which makes the readers feel that they are with a bunch of equally affected species.Their trauma is something they need to work out and one fine day they see themselves standing on a pedestal.
But the truth is that when people call somebody strong,the person never realises the depth of their strength.Strength of mind is generally misunderstood has some sort of a capacity to take any kind of tragedies and move ahead faking all the sorrows with your chin up!!As time goes those strong minds are stamped on and taken for granted by others that they are numb to any kind of trauma!!All that the world can tell them is'You are strong,we know u can handle this'!
What that matters is the reselience,how much an indiviual can handle a change in life,some people cant even digest a small change in their daily schedule,but for some others every day can be a new experience.Its how ur soul is made.Rubber or Rock!!
But cant the strong mnd wish for a weak moment?A moment to be framed as a weak soul and cuddle for warmth!A stronger ladder to climb on with a weak mind, But a trust to those foots that it will never make you fall!!

A Random Thought!!

All of us have zillion goals in life ranging from doing the laundry during the weekend to becoming the CEO of the company you work for.A group of people find pleasure and are content with a mediocre set of dreams or tasks that they think they can fit in ,but some others chase the kite without any idea how to get back to where they started.
Every kid we see today are toppers,multi talented,waiting for a stage to show the world that they are ready for the race.Parents training them with talent buiding and a few hours of fun periods in their timetable.Of all the people we see in the front of the race have an anxiety,a fear if they will succeed!But do we notice those people at the far end of the lane??
Are they ready for it?Do they know what a 'Race' is.But we see a smile of content,happiness that they made a day happen and a confidence that they will make tomorrow a better day.Just a hug from their dear ones giving them a warmth in this winter of pain.
NB: Thats my cute nephew who just turned 1 this week :)
PS: This post is a movie hangover!!A movie of 'special' kids

To live a Song

I smiled with a sparkle that made everybody blind
Closing my eyes I shuddered to feel the darkness
swallowed those heavy tears that was bitter
My Chin up,I tried to feel those zillion hands holding me
strangling fingers and sweating hands slipping away
Those promises I counted on fading away
I let them go, holding on to my fake strength
I cried aloud within to smile through my eyes
waving goodbye to all those words that helped me breathe
Choking inside to cover up another new rhythm
A song I wish I never lived to be a dirge!!

Lifting Shadows Off a Day

I have been longing to write a post about some small and interesting things I have been coming across ever since I started my Internship. But Unfortunately I don’t even get time to login to ORKUT!! Yes I am busy.:P
Warning: Please don’t read this post unless you are absolutely jobless. Its a mixture of all tenses. Please don’t sue me for not using the right tenses nor for the lack of structure and Grammar.I am writing this for my own record ..:P
The following is my typical schedule ever since 12 May 2008
# 5:26 am : Wake Up Alarm ,Oh no.. Please let me sleep for 2 more minutes, Reminds of me of school days when my Mom used to wake me up at 7:30 and I used to plead her to let me sleep for 2 more minutes hiding inside the blanket. Nobody to listen to your excuses and complaints, Just a thought ’Damn I hate waking up early’
# 5:55 am : Microwave beeps, Gulping the cup of milk grabs the jacket and Backpack and runs out of a silent house
# 6:05 am : Meets Ms ‘skirt lady’ who greets me everyday ‘Hello Hovayu’.I still have not asked her for name  .We talk about the weather and why it is still freaking cold even though they call it summer here. She is very excited about the long weekend and her plans to meet her grand daughter who is going to be home
#6:10 am : Boards 214 AC Transit. Driver greets.’Goood Morning’.I am busy looking for quarters to put in the coin machine. I see a middle-aged woman sitting in a wheel chair who greets everybody with a smile. She is mentally challenged. I wonder where she is heading to early morning ,except for her everybody busy taking a small nap.
#6:26 am :BART train: Everybody rushing to get the first train, I cant even find a single person who is not running, except for me who is dazed!!
I get inside, pulls out my IPod trying to listen to some random song, so that I wont fall asleep and miss my station and get the next train.I see a girl waiting for someone right next to the door screaming in her phone' come fast…'I assumed it must be her boyfriend. But I was surprised I see a lady in her late forties running inside. Both of them sat inside,she plugs on her IPod and the lady kept looking at her as if she is seeing her after a long time.She touches the girl’s hair, her handbag and the girl started explaining to her about her shopping experience last week. She took out her sunglasses and showed it her. The lady smiled and said she looks good in that attire. It was a mom and a daughter meeting in the train may be after week.
#6:50 am :Lady gets off at a station hugging and kissing her daughter, A guy sitting next to me switched on his Radio and started rapping. Indians in the train busy making calls home and wishing their dear ones Goodnight.
# 7:05 am :Boards the 77 Eastridge Bus: Not many commuters, just a few Mexican laborers and I look outside and see big rush of people waiting for their buses
# 7:20 am :Gets off at Alum Rock which is a major Mexican Heritage area.Everything is written in Spanish. I walk almost a mile to my office watching a lot of small scale shops that reminds me the workshops and some stores in India.Mexicans and Indians are similar in lot of ways.
# 7:35am : I enter my office(Which is satellite office) and Jamie greets me with a big Good orning.She is my friend in office, somebody who helps me with everything right from Day 1.We talk about everything when we get time. about family,culture,career and what not!!.I read how much she worries about her teenage daughter and a desire in her to see her daughter get a good education. From her I learnt a lot about the American community and how difficult is bringing up kids in this part of the world.
# 7: 45 am. Greets my boss Jason and stand there smiling at him waiting for him to give me some work.Hurray!!I am working at Hitachi today. Hitachi is one of the major projects of the company and I go there once in a while to help the project managers there.
Quickly checks my mail and wore my boots and took out my field hat and vest.

#8:45 am : Jamie drives me to Hiatchi site giving me a wonderful trip in her car.I still have no idea how we made it up there without any tickets. She thought me’ What not to do in roads’
# 9:00 am. Meets Mike who is a project Engineer @Hitachi and took me inside a conference room. Yes it was the first official meeting of my life.This was a meeting with the General Contractor. I see all familiar faces in my company side and new Faces with other side.An Indian Boy!!!Wow.Thats a big surprise.The meeting started with my introduction as I was the new one to everyone. Mike said ‘This is Baaadra Naeir’ who is a new intern and she is from TexasA&M..Blah Blah’..The head of the table said..Oh No. another tough name.!!He asked me ‘Could you please go write your name on board’
I walked to the board and saw in bold letters ‘Karthik Jayachandran’ under that and came back and sat there.hen they started talking about the ‘Nair’ hair removing cream. It was so embarrassing. Luckily the meeting started and No more ‘Nair’ talks.
After the meeting one guy came and asked me are u also from India like Karthik?I said yes and then he showed me a map with lots of pins on it and asked me ,where u from.I pointed out Calicut and also noticed a pin in Madras. e gave me a pin and I pinned it on Calicut. Supposedly all those who work on the project from every company, government or the owner side has to put a pin on the map.I felt so Good. kudos to Calicut.I felt as if I won a Gold medal in olympics and I was standing on the podium listening to National Anthemn.:P
#1:00 pm : working on scheduling, was careful not to make any mistakes and not to ask any idiotic questions.
#2:00 pm :Took out my lunch box and had the three chapattis I made the day before
# 4:45 pm:Mike said he will drop me off at SanJose where I take my Bus back home.
Got into his truck.Had a talk about how he started his career and about his experiences in Construction Industry
#5:00-Waiting for the bus with a bunch of school Children,too tired to observe to write what is going around.Boards another two three buses.Many IT people on bus,tired faces
# 7:30:Phew Finally home:My nieces busy watching their favourite program,the house unlike I left is lively,I ask Nitu about her School,But no reply.Little one looks at me,I asked her about her day,she had so much to tell me.Helps Chechi with Dinner Preparation
#8:30 :Dinner Time.I talk about my day and my office,I am happy to see some Good Food on table 
#9:00 :Checks mails, Just going trough the different mails and different events happening in other parts of world.’Lifting Shadows off a Dream’ is idle..My phone rings.I smile and repeat the wholeday to a poor soul who made a IST call.Waited for some more calls..No 
#10:00 Trying to sleep:Feels like I am in the bus.I hear TV downstairs,I so very wish go watch it
#10:30 Dreams  Lifting shadows off a day

Made in China

A few minutes back my 6 year old niece asked her parents a smart question."why is that all my toys are 'Made in China',Doesn't India make anything??.Well her IT parents replied by shooting another question to her "Molu,who works in Yahoo and Google??As her Father works with Yahoo,she was convinced India does make something!!

Well personally I used to feel that label just indicates cheap quality.All those China shops which used to pop in small towns, Rs 15 cute bunny shaped alarm clocks with the 'made in china' sticker.The fake ipods,mp3,watches.I can think a lot of China now :) Even in the suburbs of India or may be in almost every country,all the restaurants,the Menu would have Chinese!!They have a signature everywhere and on everything!!!
Largest population,one of the largest economies,culture,what not!Still they are also second class citizens like we Indians in the so called 'One World Concept'.
Even when the Olympic torch going as high as Mount Everest,the country's effort of popularizing the event was plummeting, the US and UK Newspapers are talking about Human rights issues and portraying the whole campaign as a show off!!Ironic!
I am not a China supporter, a promoter of Confucianism or an economist!!But all I know is I hate Chinese cuisine lately :P

Fear of the Dark

There are moments or rather instances which puts you in a mood to look within!!I was trying to figure out what is 'ME'.This might sound a little stupid,but then like somebody asked me 'What is the purpose of Blogging' the answer is just again a thought!!
The insecure feeling in me comes out as over posessiveness or rather a very quick decison of 'keeping a distance'.Its difficult to keep up to the expectations of everyone and swinging between the two extreme thoughts is the worst torture.At a point you feel that you donthave anybody to count on and the very next moment you realise the strangling love and care that would make you feel guilty!Am I worth all this?Can I keep up all their hopes and expectations?I really dont know!!But why is that when i just turn back I dont see anybody.Why is that inspite of all assurances I feel that I am standing alone.Am I scared to hold the hands for the fear of losing it on my way!!All I know is I dont want to lose anything more!!I fear to posess anything!
Like a small child hiding her barbie doll under the bed before she sleeps,I wish I could hide all the care and love others give me!!

Home Sweet Home

Never can I say goodbye to those crimson walls
Every brick calling me back for a touch
living behind my heart in those corners
Hiding all those happy moments I had with them
Can they just echo my childhood ??
Those marks I made with my dirty hands
clinging on to them to share my woes
I did heard them promise to keep me with them
Smell of monsoon haunting me every moment
Why did you give me the strength to walk away?
All I could hear was them singing dirges
I don't want to strangle in those memories
My tears can never wash you away
let me live in that heaven for another lifetime

Vishu :)

I feel very nostalgic today..I have been trying to read 'Real Options:Managerial Flexibility and strategy in Resource allocation' for the past 3 hours,But the only thing that is coming to my mind is 'Vishu'.The evenings before Vishu when I used to go hunt for 'Kanikonna' in the campus..(I hope the 'Kanikonna' near Guest house and AB has bloomed)
Its a bit surprising because the only thing I enjoyed about vishu when I was at home was 'Vishukineetams' especially if I happen to be at my Native place on Vishu eve which happens only once in a blue moon.
I used to hate the fact that after'Vishukani' I am not allowed to go back to bed..:(
Then comes the Vishukineetam part and the temple visit for which I had to get ready early morning...I always wondered whats wrong in seeing the kani a bit late..:P
But today I realise that, things which i took very lightly in my life is actually a part of me..I just wish I could see a Vishkani tomorrow,..Have found a google Image of 'Vishukani'..Will put it as my Desktop..Hope I have a nice 'Cyber Vishu Kani' tomorrow
Happy Vishu!!

Just Another Dream

Did I miss you in the crowd?
the bright colors of happiness
making me blind,I stood there
but my hands moved to find you
I felt a cold touch on my heart
I shuddered in the darkness
Let me just feel the shadow
I know you are here right with me
listening to my words with a smile
Can I tell you rest of the incomplete story?
Can you hold my hands to help me walk up there?
I need a lifetime to tell all about I missed telling you
Dont let the sun wake me up today
to tell me this is just another dream!!

An Incomplete piece

I am very inquisitive by nature,especially when it comes to my future.I was born in a community which gives a lot of importance to the horoscope and related stuff.From the very first day somebody is born,a record on his/her name is made,much before the birth registration.'The Horoscope'.Irrespective of class or education it is a common scenario.A handbook of 'How your life is going to be'.A 'Help' file to guide you all your life.where fate is more important not our faith.
I always wanted to read the pink little book my Amma used to take out of our Cupboard whenever we had serious issues in our life.As a child I thought it might be some kind of a magic book when some magician opens would solve our problems.
When I grew up I became more interested in this book.I started reading more about astrology and felt that there was something true about it.Like some statical confidence intervals it can indeed can give you prediction intervals with 0-100% confidence intervals.I started subscribing to daily horoscopes and became a regular visitor to astrology.com
And there came the phase in my life when my friends started telling me that the 'palm and face reading' I used to do for fun had good amount of truth in it.Intuition thats all I said,or may be I am too good at bluffing.Honestly I don't know the significance of even a single line in the Palm,but somehow I became a famous face reader and palm reader amongst my friends in college and family.:)But my very first visit to an astrologer just to ask him the answer to one single question.Though he wasn't successful in giving me the right answer to that,he asked me if I do something like palm reading.I was dazed,it was something only a few people knew..I was so happy that day because I thought his other prediction would also come true,which never did...
Is there a truth in astrology??I do believe that there is.But may be we run after astrologers only when we have troubles in life and completely ignore this when we are in the problem free state.
There were couple instances when I decided I am going to throw away my horoscope and bitched all the astrologers!!But still I couldn't throw it away!But I still am very much into the whole thing which make me more pessimistic in life.I know this would hurt some of my very close friends who tried to convince me that the whole thing is bogus,just to make me more optimistic.
When certain things the astrologers predict don't come true our frustrations cross the limits.Is it because we think they are the life saviours or is it because we wanted this little book to tell us that we are not going to be affected by anything on earth??
I started this post with some other intentions in my mind.But I guess the stars above me are not in the right position or may be I started this post in the 'Rahu kalam'..I am not able to continue this anymore ..:)

A Doubt

I came all the way holding your hand
Every single step I moved in the pain
the warmth of your hands made me strong
I looked on your eyes to see myself today
All I see is me smiling in the seasons to come
I searched for my true self in the present
Did you wash it away with your own tears?
The gleam faded with the pain that I hold
Faking a future that is never to be mine
I know this journey will never end
Every blossom I dreamt dried when the sun came
I wish you never gave your hand to hold on
Flaking memories would keep my smile
Tell me there is another world behind the zenith!!

Notes on/of Sarcasm-3

Last week I was talking to one of my friends about 'Love Part-1&2' issues and she mentioned to me that she was 'living a dream'for three months.From that moment I have been thinking when was the last time I was living a dream?I thought it was impossible for any common man to live a dream,as those things just happen in the climaxes of Bollywood and Hollywood Romantic comedies.I do agree that everybody has different dreams,but then,Do we actually get the chance to live a dream in our Life!Everyday we have a small task ahead of us,by them time we are done,there comes the next day..But when does the'Living the Dream' part come in??

Again something very different from the what I was talking about.
There is this Prof in my Department who everybody hates,because he makes everybody work like hell and end up giving really bad grades.Most of us take his courses just because they are core courses and we cant escape from it.Nobody makes him their Advisor as he might never let us graduate with his strict policies.This semester my Department came up with a new policy that doesnt let the student choose the Advisor as most of us go for the lenient and sweet profs in the department ;).
As Expected this year I was the lucky soul to get 'the prof' as my advisor!!!I wasn't surprised but was happy,nobody would blame me for being always pessimistic..:p
Yesterday I went to meet him in his room..He asked me to wait in his room which actually made me realise a few things.
I happen to see lots of color papers in his room with cute drawings by his daughter.In every picture she has written 'You are the best Dad'.In every corner of his room he had picture os his daughter.I remember him telling us in class that his daughter is adopted..Though he is not the best prof for us,he is the best dad for a somebody.People we completely detest or might ignore because of our silly/stupid reasons might be very dear to somebody else or even mean the whole world to him/her.Isn't it something to be thought about..Everybody has different roles,In some we might fail and in some we might succeed,But failing in one wont make us a loser in life!!!

For My Amma

I have been thinking of giving an obituary in the newspaper as my Amma's anniversary is coming up,It would be a shame on my part if I ask somebody else to do this task because from a very small age she used to encourage me to write.But I couldn't write even two sentences myself in memory of her.I found it weird.I tried to google and went through the usual press obituaries,still I couldn't come up with something of my own.I just wanted two sentences,just 20 words to tell the world that yes its my Amma's anniversary and I so very miss her!!
May be I need more words,more space to talk about her.I dont want to believe that she is somewhere very close to me watching me everyday.I really hope she is not within us today,because if she is indeed watching me she would be the unhappiest soul to see me suffer.
I sincerely dont want to make this post an emotional/sentimental piece by talking about my loneliness or thrill in being the single surviving member of my family.
Just wanted everybody to remember her this month,as I am sure most of my blog visitors personally knew my Amma..
This is all I can do for her in my blog..