I smiled with a sparkle that made everybody blind
Closing my eyes I shuddered to feel the darkness
swallowed those heavy tears that was bitter
My Chin up,I tried to feel those zillion hands holding me
strangling fingers and sweating hands slipping away
Those promises I counted on fading away
I let them go, holding on to my fake strength
I cried aloud within to smile through my eyes
waving goodbye to all those words that helped me breathe
Choking inside to cover up another new rhythm
A song I wish I never lived to be a dirge!!
June 26, 2008
May 22, 2008
Lifting Shadows Off a Day
I have been longing to write a post about some small and interesting things I have been coming across ever since I started my Internship. But Unfortunately I don’t even get time to login to ORKUT!! Yes I am busy.:P
Warning: Please don’t read this post unless you are absolutely jobless. Its a mixture of all tenses. Please don’t sue me for not using the right tenses nor for the lack of structure and Grammar.I am writing this for my own record ..:P
The following is my typical schedule ever since 12 May 2008
# 5:26 am : Wake Up Alarm ,Oh no.. Please let me sleep for 2 more minutes, Reminds of me of school days when my Mom used to wake me up at 7:30 and I used to plead her to let me sleep for 2 more minutes hiding inside the blanket. Nobody to listen to your excuses and complaints, Just a thought ’Damn I hate waking up early’
# 5:55 am : Microwave beeps, Gulping the cup of milk grabs the jacket and Backpack and runs out of a silent house
# 6:05 am : Meets Ms ‘skirt lady’ who greets me everyday ‘Hello Hovayu’.I still have not asked her for name .We talk about the weather and why it is still freaking cold even though they call it summer here. She is very excited about the long weekend and her plans to meet her grand daughter who is going to be home
#6:10 am : Boards 214 AC Transit. Driver greets.’Goood Morning’.I am busy looking for quarters to put in the coin machine. I see a middle-aged woman sitting in a wheel chair who greets everybody with a smile. She is mentally challenged. I wonder where she is heading to early morning ,except for her everybody busy taking a small nap.
#6:26 am :BART train: Everybody rushing to get the first train, I cant even find a single person who is not running, except for me who is dazed!!
I get inside, pulls out my IPod trying to listen to some random song, so that I wont fall asleep and miss my station and get the next train.I see a girl waiting for someone right next to the door screaming in her phone' come fast…'I assumed it must be her boyfriend. But I was surprised I see a lady in her late forties running inside. Both of them sat inside,she plugs on her IPod and the lady kept looking at her as if she is seeing her after a long time.She touches the girl’s hair, her handbag and the girl started explaining to her about her shopping experience last week. She took out her sunglasses and showed it her. The lady smiled and said she looks good in that attire. It was a mom and a daughter meeting in the train may be after week.
#6:50 am :Lady gets off at a station hugging and kissing her daughter, A guy sitting next to me switched on his Radio and started rapping. Indians in the train busy making calls home and wishing their dear ones Goodnight.
# 7:05 am :Boards the 77 Eastridge Bus: Not many commuters, just a few Mexican laborers and I look outside and see big rush of people waiting for their buses
# 7:20 am :Gets off at Alum Rock which is a major Mexican Heritage area.Everything is written in Spanish. I walk almost a mile to my office watching a lot of small scale shops that reminds me the workshops and some stores in India.Mexicans and Indians are similar in lot of ways.
# 7:35am : I enter my office(Which is satellite office) and Jamie greets me with a big Good orning.She is my friend in office, somebody who helps me with everything right from Day 1.We talk about everything when we get time. about family,culture,career and what not!!.I read how much she worries about her teenage daughter and a desire in her to see her daughter get a good education. From her I learnt a lot about the American community and how difficult is bringing up kids in this part of the world.
# 7: 45 am. Greets my boss Jason and stand there smiling at him waiting for him to give me some work.Hurray!!I am working at Hitachi today. Hitachi is one of the major projects of the company and I go there once in a while to help the project managers there.
Quickly checks my mail and wore my boots and took out my field hat and vest.
#8:45 am : Jamie drives me to Hiatchi site giving me a wonderful trip in her car.I still have no idea how we made it up there without any tickets. She thought me’ What not to do in roads’
# 9:00 am. Meets Mike who is a project Engineer @Hitachi and took me inside a conference room. Yes it was the first official meeting of my life.This was a meeting with the General Contractor. I see all familiar faces in my company side and new Faces with other side.An Indian Boy!!!Wow.Thats a big surprise.The meeting started with my introduction as I was the new one to everyone. Mike said ‘This is Baaadra Naeir’ who is a new intern and she is from TexasA&M..Blah Blah’..The head of the table said..Oh No. another tough name.!!He asked me ‘Could you please go write your name on board’
I walked to the board and saw in bold letters ‘Karthik Jayachandran’ under that and came back and sat there.hen they started talking about the ‘Nair’ hair removing cream. It was so embarrassing. Luckily the meeting started and No more ‘Nair’ talks.
After the meeting one guy came and asked me are u also from India like Karthik?I said yes and then he showed me a map with lots of pins on it and asked me ,where u from.I pointed out Calicut and also noticed a pin in Madras. e gave me a pin and I pinned it on Calicut. Supposedly all those who work on the project from every company, government or the owner side has to put a pin on the map.I felt so Good. kudos to Calicut.I felt as if I won a Gold medal in olympics and I was standing on the podium listening to National Anthemn.:P
#1:00 pm : working on scheduling, was careful not to make any mistakes and not to ask any idiotic questions.
#2:00 pm :Took out my lunch box and had the three chapattis I made the day before
# 4:45 pm:Mike said he will drop me off at SanJose where I take my Bus back home.
Got into his truck.Had a talk about how he started his career and about his experiences in Construction Industry
#5:00-Waiting for the bus with a bunch of school Children,too tired to observe to write what is going around.Boards another two three buses.Many IT people on bus,tired faces
# 7:30:Phew Finally home:My nieces busy watching their favourite program,the house unlike I left is lively,I ask Nitu about her School,But no reply.Little one looks at me,I asked her about her day,she had so much to tell me.Helps Chechi with Dinner Preparation
#8:30 :Dinner Time.I talk about my day and my office,I am happy to see some Good Food on table
#9:00 :Checks mails, Just going trough the different mails and different events happening in other parts of world.’Lifting Shadows off a Dream’ is idle..My phone rings.I smile and repeat the wholeday to a poor soul who made a IST call.Waited for some more calls..No
#10:00 Trying to sleep:Feels like I am in the bus.I hear TV downstairs,I so very wish go watch it
#10:30 Dreams Lifting shadows off a day
Warning: Please don’t read this post unless you are absolutely jobless. Its a mixture of all tenses. Please don’t sue me for not using the right tenses nor for the lack of structure and Grammar.I am writing this for my own record ..:P
The following is my typical schedule ever since 12 May 2008
# 5:26 am : Wake Up Alarm ,Oh no.. Please let me sleep for 2 more minutes, Reminds of me of school days when my Mom used to wake me up at 7:30 and I used to plead her to let me sleep for 2 more minutes hiding inside the blanket. Nobody to listen to your excuses and complaints, Just a thought ’Damn I hate waking up early’
# 5:55 am : Microwave beeps, Gulping the cup of milk grabs the jacket and Backpack and runs out of a silent house
# 6:05 am : Meets Ms ‘skirt lady’ who greets me everyday ‘Hello Hovayu’.I still have not asked her for name .We talk about the weather and why it is still freaking cold even though they call it summer here. She is very excited about the long weekend and her plans to meet her grand daughter who is going to be home
#6:10 am : Boards 214 AC Transit. Driver greets.’Goood Morning’.I am busy looking for quarters to put in the coin machine. I see a middle-aged woman sitting in a wheel chair who greets everybody with a smile. She is mentally challenged. I wonder where she is heading to early morning ,except for her everybody busy taking a small nap.
#6:26 am :BART train: Everybody rushing to get the first train, I cant even find a single person who is not running, except for me who is dazed!!
I get inside, pulls out my IPod trying to listen to some random song, so that I wont fall asleep and miss my station and get the next train.I see a girl waiting for someone right next to the door screaming in her phone' come fast…'I assumed it must be her boyfriend. But I was surprised I see a lady in her late forties running inside. Both of them sat inside,she plugs on her IPod and the lady kept looking at her as if she is seeing her after a long time.She touches the girl’s hair, her handbag and the girl started explaining to her about her shopping experience last week. She took out her sunglasses and showed it her. The lady smiled and said she looks good in that attire. It was a mom and a daughter meeting in the train may be after week.
#6:50 am :Lady gets off at a station hugging and kissing her daughter, A guy sitting next to me switched on his Radio and started rapping. Indians in the train busy making calls home and wishing their dear ones Goodnight.
# 7:05 am :Boards the 77 Eastridge Bus: Not many commuters, just a few Mexican laborers and I look outside and see big rush of people waiting for their buses
# 7:20 am :Gets off at Alum Rock which is a major Mexican Heritage area.Everything is written in Spanish. I walk almost a mile to my office watching a lot of small scale shops that reminds me the workshops and some stores in India.Mexicans and Indians are similar in lot of ways.
# 7:35am : I enter my office(Which is satellite office) and Jamie greets me with a big Good orning.She is my friend in office, somebody who helps me with everything right from Day 1.We talk about everything when we get time. about family,culture,career and what not!!.I read how much she worries about her teenage daughter and a desire in her to see her daughter get a good education. From her I learnt a lot about the American community and how difficult is bringing up kids in this part of the world.
# 7: 45 am. Greets my boss Jason and stand there smiling at him waiting for him to give me some work.Hurray!!I am working at Hitachi today. Hitachi is one of the major projects of the company and I go there once in a while to help the project managers there.
Quickly checks my mail and wore my boots and took out my field hat and vest.
#8:45 am : Jamie drives me to Hiatchi site giving me a wonderful trip in her car.I still have no idea how we made it up there without any tickets. She thought me’ What not to do in roads’
# 9:00 am. Meets Mike who is a project Engineer @Hitachi and took me inside a conference room. Yes it was the first official meeting of my life.This was a meeting with the General Contractor. I see all familiar faces in my company side and new Faces with other side.An Indian Boy!!!Wow.Thats a big surprise.The meeting started with my introduction as I was the new one to everyone. Mike said ‘This is Baaadra Naeir’ who is a new intern and she is from TexasA&M..Blah Blah’..The head of the table said..Oh No. another tough name.!!He asked me ‘Could you please go write your name on board’
I walked to the board and saw in bold letters ‘Karthik Jayachandran’ under that and came back and sat there.hen they started talking about the ‘Nair’ hair removing cream. It was so embarrassing. Luckily the meeting started and No more ‘Nair’ talks.
After the meeting one guy came and asked me are u also from India like Karthik?I said yes and then he showed me a map with lots of pins on it and asked me ,where u from.I pointed out Calicut and also noticed a pin in Madras. e gave me a pin and I pinned it on Calicut. Supposedly all those who work on the project from every company, government or the owner side has to put a pin on the map.I felt so Good. kudos to Calicut.I felt as if I won a Gold medal in olympics and I was standing on the podium listening to National Anthemn.:P
#1:00 pm : working on scheduling, was careful not to make any mistakes and not to ask any idiotic questions.
#2:00 pm :Took out my lunch box and had the three chapattis I made the day before
# 4:45 pm:Mike said he will drop me off at SanJose where I take my Bus back home.
Got into his truck.Had a talk about how he started his career and about his experiences in Construction Industry
#5:00-Waiting for the bus with a bunch of school Children,too tired to observe to write what is going around.Boards another two three buses.Many IT people on bus,tired faces
# 7:30:Phew Finally home:My nieces busy watching their favourite program,the house unlike I left is lively,I ask Nitu about her School,But no reply.Little one looks at me,I asked her about her day,she had so much to tell me.Helps Chechi with Dinner Preparation
#8:30 :Dinner Time.I talk about my day and my office,I am happy to see some Good Food on table
#9:00 :Checks mails, Just going trough the different mails and different events happening in other parts of world.’Lifting Shadows off a Dream’ is idle..My phone rings.I smile and repeat the wholeday to a poor soul who made a IST call.Waited for some more calls..No
#10:00 Trying to sleep:Feels like I am in the bus.I hear TV downstairs,I so very wish go watch it
#10:30 Dreams Lifting shadows off a day
May 10, 2008
Made in China
A few minutes back my 6 year old niece asked her parents a smart question."why is that all my toys are 'Made in China',Doesn't India make anything??.Well her IT parents replied by shooting another question to her "Molu,who works in Yahoo and Google??As her Father works with Yahoo,she was convinced India does make something!!
Well personally I used to feel that label just indicates cheap quality.All those China shops which used to pop in small towns, Rs 15 cute bunny shaped alarm clocks with the 'made in china' sticker.The fake ipods,mp3,watches.I can think a lot of China now :) Even in the suburbs of India or may be in almost every country,all the restaurants,the Menu would have Chinese!!They have a signature everywhere and on everything!!!
Largest population,one of the largest economies,culture,what not!Still they are also second class citizens like we Indians in the so called 'One World Concept'.
Even when the Olympic torch going as high as Mount Everest,the country's effort of popularizing the event was plummeting, the US and UK Newspapers are talking about Human rights issues and portraying the whole campaign as a show off!!Ironic!
I am not a China supporter, a promoter of Confucianism or an economist!!But all I know is I hate Chinese cuisine lately :P
May 5, 2008
Fear of the Dark
There are moments or rather instances which puts you in a mood to look within!!I was trying to figure out what is 'ME'.This might sound a little stupid,but then like somebody asked me 'What is the purpose of Blogging' the answer is just again a thought!!
The insecure feeling in me comes out as over posessiveness or rather a very quick decison of 'keeping a distance'.Its difficult to keep up to the expectations of everyone and swinging between the two extreme thoughts is the worst torture.At a point you feel that you donthave anybody to count on and the very next moment you realise the strangling love and care that would make you feel guilty!Am I worth all this?Can I keep up all their hopes and expectations?I really dont know!!But why is that when i just turn back I dont see anybody.Why is that inspite of all assurances I feel that I am standing alone.Am I scared to hold the hands for the fear of losing it on my way!!All I know is I dont want to lose anything more!!I fear to posess anything!
Like a small child hiding her barbie doll under the bed before she sleeps,I wish I could hide all the care and love others give me!!
The insecure feeling in me comes out as over posessiveness or rather a very quick decison of 'keeping a distance'.Its difficult to keep up to the expectations of everyone and swinging between the two extreme thoughts is the worst torture.At a point you feel that you donthave anybody to count on and the very next moment you realise the strangling love and care that would make you feel guilty!Am I worth all this?Can I keep up all their hopes and expectations?I really dont know!!But why is that when i just turn back I dont see anybody.Why is that inspite of all assurances I feel that I am standing alone.Am I scared to hold the hands for the fear of losing it on my way!!All I know is I dont want to lose anything more!!I fear to posess anything!
Like a small child hiding her barbie doll under the bed before she sleeps,I wish I could hide all the care and love others give me!!
April 28, 2008
Home Sweet Home
Never can I say goodbye to those crimson walls
Every brick calling me back for a touch
living behind my heart in those corners
Hiding all those happy moments I had with them
Can they just echo my childhood ??
Those marks I made with my dirty hands
clinging on to them to share my woes
I did heard them promise to keep me with them
Smell of monsoon haunting me every moment
Why did you give me the strength to walk away?
All I could hear was them singing dirges
I don't want to strangle in those memories
My tears can never wash you away
let me live in that heaven for another lifetime
April 13, 2008
Vishu :)
I feel very nostalgic today..I have been trying to read 'Real Options:Managerial Flexibility and strategy in Resource allocation' for the past 3 hours,But the only thing that is coming to my mind is 'Vishu'.The evenings before Vishu when I used to go hunt for 'Kanikonna' in the campus..(I hope the 'Kanikonna' near Guest house and AB has bloomed)
Its a bit surprising because the only thing I enjoyed about vishu when I was at home was 'Vishukineetams' especially if I happen to be at my Native place on Vishu eve which happens only once in a blue moon.
I used to hate the fact that after'Vishukani' I am not allowed to go back to bed..:(
Then comes the Vishukineetam part and the temple visit for which I had to get ready early morning...I always wondered whats wrong in seeing the kani a bit late..:P
But today I realise that, things which i took very lightly in my life is actually a part of me..I just wish I could see a Vishkani tomorrow,..Have found a google Image of 'Vishukani'..Will put it as my Desktop..Hope I have a nice 'Cyber Vishu Kani' tomorrow
Happy Vishu!!
April 7, 2008
Just Another Dream
Did I miss you in the crowd?
the bright colors of happiness
making me blind,I stood there
but my hands moved to find you
I felt a cold touch on my heart
I shuddered in the darkness
Let me just feel the shadow
I know you are here right with me
listening to my words with a smile
Can I tell you rest of the incomplete story?
Can you hold my hands to help me walk up there?
I need a lifetime to tell all about I missed telling you
Dont let the sun wake me up today
to tell me this is just another dream!!
the bright colors of happiness
making me blind,I stood there
but my hands moved to find you
I felt a cold touch on my heart
I shuddered in the darkness
Let me just feel the shadow
I know you are here right with me
listening to my words with a smile
Can I tell you rest of the incomplete story?
Can you hold my hands to help me walk up there?
I need a lifetime to tell all about I missed telling you
Dont let the sun wake me up today
to tell me this is just another dream!!
March 26, 2008
An Incomplete piece
I am very inquisitive by nature,especially when it comes to my future.I was born in a community which gives a lot of importance to the horoscope and related stuff.From the very first day somebody is born,a record on his/her name is made,much before the birth registration.'The Horoscope'.Irrespective of class or education it is a common scenario.A handbook of 'How your life is going to be'.A 'Help' file to guide you all your life.where fate is more important not our faith.
I always wanted to read the pink little book my Amma used to take out of our Cupboard whenever we had serious issues in our life.As a child I thought it might be some kind of a magic book when some magician opens would solve our problems.
When I grew up I became more interested in this book.I started reading more about astrology and felt that there was something true about it.Like some statical confidence intervals it can indeed can give you prediction intervals with 0-100% confidence intervals.I started subscribing to daily horoscopes and became a regular visitor to astrology.com
And there came the phase in my life when my friends started telling me that the 'palm and face reading' I used to do for fun had good amount of truth in it.Intuition thats all I said,or may be I am too good at bluffing.Honestly I don't know the significance of even a single line in the Palm,but somehow I became a famous face reader and palm reader amongst my friends in college and family.:)But my very first visit to an astrologer just to ask him the answer to one single question.Though he wasn't successful in giving me the right answer to that,he asked me if I do something like palm reading.I was dazed,it was something only a few people knew..I was so happy that day because I thought his other prediction would also come true,which never did...
Is there a truth in astrology??I do believe that there is.But may be we run after astrologers only when we have troubles in life and completely ignore this when we are in the problem free state.
There were couple instances when I decided I am going to throw away my horoscope and bitched all the astrologers!!But still I couldn't throw it away!But I still am very much into the whole thing which make me more pessimistic in life.I know this would hurt some of my very close friends who tried to convince me that the whole thing is bogus,just to make me more optimistic.
When certain things the astrologers predict don't come true our frustrations cross the limits.Is it because we think they are the life saviours or is it because we wanted this little book to tell us that we are not going to be affected by anything on earth??
I started this post with some other intentions in my mind.But I guess the stars above me are not in the right position or may be I started this post in the 'Rahu kalam'..I am not able to continue this anymore ..:)
I always wanted to read the pink little book my Amma used to take out of our Cupboard whenever we had serious issues in our life.As a child I thought it might be some kind of a magic book when some magician opens would solve our problems.
When I grew up I became more interested in this book.I started reading more about astrology and felt that there was something true about it.Like some statical confidence intervals it can indeed can give you prediction intervals with 0-100% confidence intervals.I started subscribing to daily horoscopes and became a regular visitor to astrology.com
And there came the phase in my life when my friends started telling me that the 'palm and face reading' I used to do for fun had good amount of truth in it.Intuition thats all I said,or may be I am too good at bluffing.Honestly I don't know the significance of even a single line in the Palm,but somehow I became a famous face reader and palm reader amongst my friends in college and family.:)But my very first visit to an astrologer just to ask him the answer to one single question.Though he wasn't successful in giving me the right answer to that,he asked me if I do something like palm reading.I was dazed,it was something only a few people knew..I was so happy that day because I thought his other prediction would also come true,which never did...
Is there a truth in astrology??I do believe that there is.But may be we run after astrologers only when we have troubles in life and completely ignore this when we are in the problem free state.
There were couple instances when I decided I am going to throw away my horoscope and bitched all the astrologers!!But still I couldn't throw it away!But I still am very much into the whole thing which make me more pessimistic in life.I know this would hurt some of my very close friends who tried to convince me that the whole thing is bogus,just to make me more optimistic.
When certain things the astrologers predict don't come true our frustrations cross the limits.Is it because we think they are the life saviours or is it because we wanted this little book to tell us that we are not going to be affected by anything on earth??
I started this post with some other intentions in my mind.But I guess the stars above me are not in the right position or may be I started this post in the 'Rahu kalam'..I am not able to continue this anymore ..:)
March 23, 2008
A Doubt
I came all the way holding your hand
Every single step I moved in the pain
the warmth of your hands made me strong
I looked on your eyes to see myself today
All I see is me smiling in the seasons to come
I searched for my true self in the present
Did you wash it away with your own tears?
The gleam faded with the pain that I hold
Faking a future that is never to be mine
I know this journey will never end
Every blossom I dreamt dried when the sun came
I wish you never gave your hand to hold on
Flaking memories would keep my smile
Tell me there is another world behind the zenith!!
Every single step I moved in the pain
the warmth of your hands made me strong
I looked on your eyes to see myself today
All I see is me smiling in the seasons to come
I searched for my true self in the present
Did you wash it away with your own tears?
The gleam faded with the pain that I hold
Faking a future that is never to be mine
I know this journey will never end
Every blossom I dreamt dried when the sun came
I wish you never gave your hand to hold on
Flaking memories would keep my smile
Tell me there is another world behind the zenith!!
March 20, 2008
Notes on/of Sarcasm-3
Last week I was talking to one of my friends about 'Love Part-1&2' issues and she mentioned to me that she was 'living a dream'for three months.From that moment I have been thinking when was the last time I was living a dream?I thought it was impossible for any common man to live a dream,as those things just happen in the climaxes of Bollywood and Hollywood Romantic comedies.I do agree that everybody has different dreams,but then,Do we actually get the chance to live a dream in our Life!Everyday we have a small task ahead of us,by them time we are done,there comes the next day..But when does the'Living the Dream' part come in??
Again something very different from the what I was talking about.
There is this Prof in my Department who everybody hates,because he makes everybody work like hell and end up giving really bad grades.Most of us take his courses just because they are core courses and we cant escape from it.Nobody makes him their Advisor as he might never let us graduate with his strict policies.This semester my Department came up with a new policy that doesnt let the student choose the Advisor as most of us go for the lenient and sweet profs in the department ;).
As Expected this year I was the lucky soul to get 'the prof' as my advisor!!!I wasn't surprised but was happy,nobody would blame me for being always pessimistic..:p
Yesterday I went to meet him in his room..He asked me to wait in his room which actually made me realise a few things.
I happen to see lots of color papers in his room with cute drawings by his daughter.In every picture she has written 'You are the best Dad'.In every corner of his room he had picture os his daughter.I remember him telling us in class that his daughter is adopted..Though he is not the best prof for us,he is the best dad for a somebody.People we completely detest or might ignore because of our silly/stupid reasons might be very dear to somebody else or even mean the whole world to him/her.Isn't it something to be thought about..Everybody has different roles,In some we might fail and in some we might succeed,But failing in one wont make us a loser in life!!!
Again something very different from the what I was talking about.
There is this Prof in my Department who everybody hates,because he makes everybody work like hell and end up giving really bad grades.Most of us take his courses just because they are core courses and we cant escape from it.Nobody makes him their Advisor as he might never let us graduate with his strict policies.This semester my Department came up with a new policy that doesnt let the student choose the Advisor as most of us go for the lenient and sweet profs in the department ;).
As Expected this year I was the lucky soul to get 'the prof' as my advisor!!!I wasn't surprised but was happy,nobody would blame me for being always pessimistic..:p
Yesterday I went to meet him in his room..He asked me to wait in his room which actually made me realise a few things.
I happen to see lots of color papers in his room with cute drawings by his daughter.In every picture she has written 'You are the best Dad'.In every corner of his room he had picture os his daughter.I remember him telling us in class that his daughter is adopted..Though he is not the best prof for us,he is the best dad for a somebody.People we completely detest or might ignore because of our silly/stupid reasons might be very dear to somebody else or even mean the whole world to him/her.Isn't it something to be thought about..Everybody has different roles,In some we might fail and in some we might succeed,But failing in one wont make us a loser in life!!!
March 8, 2008
For My Amma
I have been thinking of giving an obituary in the newspaper as my Amma's anniversary is coming up,It would be a shame on my part if I ask somebody else to do this task because from a very small age she used to encourage me to write.But I couldn't write even two sentences myself in memory of her.I found it weird.I tried to google and went through the usual press obituaries,still I couldn't come up with something of my own.I just wanted two sentences,just 20 words to tell the world that yes its my Amma's anniversary and I so very miss her!!
May be I need more words,more space to talk about her.I dont want to believe that she is somewhere very close to me watching me everyday.I really hope she is not within us today,because if she is indeed watching me she would be the unhappiest soul to see me suffer.
I sincerely dont want to make this post an emotional/sentimental piece by talking about my loneliness or thrill in being the single surviving member of my family.
Just wanted everybody to remember her this month,as I am sure most of my blog visitors personally knew my Amma..
This is all I can do for her in my blog..
February 18, 2008
US Heading 4 a Recession?
For the past couple of weeks the word 'recession' is the most widely used word amongst the desis out here which includes poor souls like me!!I have been reading a lot on recession and related matters as I thought it would be better I face the consequences in the true spirit.Personaly I got the feel of it after our career fairs where the recruiters themselves told the international students about their difficulty in sponsoring our Visa with the recession coming up.Its a huge blow to people like me as I'll be graduating in the peak of recession.
The chances of the US avoiding a recession appear to be growing dimmer by the day, and any contraction in the economy will likely last longer and be more severe than other downturns in the past 20 years.
As I am specializing in construction management I tried to narrow down my readings to the construction and related field.It is the biggest housing slump in the last four or five decades: every housing indicator is in free fall, including now housing prices.Recent reports have shown the housing market slump and rising defaults in the mortgage market are now taking their toll on job growth and on the manufacturing and services sector.
This december when I was in Las Vegas my sister who works with a real estate company was telling me that one of the worst effected areas was Las Vegas.Gaming revenues suffered their steepest-ever drop — a scare that led casinos to lower room rates to drum up business. New casinos such as the Hard Rock struggled with financing, and three other casinos filed for bankruptcy.Begged for donations to stay afloat, the unemployment rate rose, the governor laid off state workers and housing construction stalled.
May be all this is a hoax.May be not!But there are some indicators which are flashing red.Unemployment is up, consumer spending is down, the housing market has slipped into recession, and the stock market is lurching back and forth like an overloaded washing machine. All of this could have been foreseen by anyone with minimal critical thinking skills and a healthy dose of skepticism of government.
Indian IT Industry seems to be all set to receive the tornado by laying off and cutting down salaries.May be Indian companies are smarter by taking the prevention pill so early.
Lets watch where this fall of the great economy is gonna take us all.May be its too early to pack my bags back home,Its quite ironic ,but still I would end this post with a malayalam cliche 'Papi chennadam pathalam'
The chances of the US avoiding a recession appear to be growing dimmer by the day, and any contraction in the economy will likely last longer and be more severe than other downturns in the past 20 years.
As I am specializing in construction management I tried to narrow down my readings to the construction and related field.It is the biggest housing slump in the last four or five decades: every housing indicator is in free fall, including now housing prices.Recent reports have shown the housing market slump and rising defaults in the mortgage market are now taking their toll on job growth and on the manufacturing and services sector.
This december when I was in Las Vegas my sister who works with a real estate company was telling me that one of the worst effected areas was Las Vegas.Gaming revenues suffered their steepest-ever drop — a scare that led casinos to lower room rates to drum up business. New casinos such as the Hard Rock struggled with financing, and three other casinos filed for bankruptcy.Begged for donations to stay afloat, the unemployment rate rose, the governor laid off state workers and housing construction stalled.
May be all this is a hoax.May be not!But there are some indicators which are flashing red.Unemployment is up, consumer spending is down, the housing market has slipped into recession, and the stock market is lurching back and forth like an overloaded washing machine. All of this could have been foreseen by anyone with minimal critical thinking skills and a healthy dose of skepticism of government.
Indian IT Industry seems to be all set to receive the tornado by laying off and cutting down salaries.May be Indian companies are smarter by taking the prevention pill so early.
Lets watch where this fall of the great economy is gonna take us all.May be its too early to pack my bags back home,Its quite ironic ,but still I would end this post with a malayalam cliche 'Papi chennadam pathalam'
February 13, 2008
V Day!!
Another Feb 14!!Thank god I dont have a boy friend..Else will have to use my creditcard for another expensive stuff.The only good thing about being in love is getting some gifts on such special days .Yea rite, I am too materialistic.To be frank I just LOVE getting gifts.like my 'committed, friends say 'Grapes are sour'.. Anyways just coz I write a lot on love and related stuff,it would be a dishonour to my blog,if I dont post something on Valentines day..So Happy Valentines day to all of you..And here is a small gift to all the single ppl..:P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBFnJX0p_Tc
Have a great day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBFnJX0p_Tc
Have a great day
February 8, 2008
A Suitable Boy
I would like to start this post with a a disclaimer.Whatever I write are some issues faced by a few people in my species and I am NOT a Feminist!!All the characters in this post are purely fictitious,any resemblence to any person dead or alive is an unavoidable fact!!
Thanks to Vikram Seth for this title and inspiring me to write this post..
I have noticed a strange kind of mania amongst the parents of 22 year old girls and certain frustrating phobia with the 22 turned unfortunate souls.Here is a case study that describes the sequence of events in the life two 22 year old females (Species:Homo Sapiens)
lets call them Miss Hasbeen and Miss Wannabe.For my convenience I would like to call them Ms H and Ms W.
Part 1
March 2007
A month before the final exams,Ms H was busy on phone with her latest boyfriend...Somebody on a call waiting,it was from her home.she wondered why would her Mom call her so late in the night.Yes that was about the mania which has kick started at her home this semester.Her Parents want her to give them a final decision on the the list of guys they emailed to her the other night and her boyfriend wants HER to finish off HIS assignment which is due the next day.She stood there confused.Her cell was showing low battery and her charger was not working,giving few excuses she cut the line and rushed to Ms W's room to get the charger.
Staring at the fully charged cell and refreshing her Yahoo mailbox every 10 seconds desperately waiting for her MS admits there was our Ms W hoping a new place would bring her new oppurtunities[Romantic.Sheesh..A full stop to her singlehood]
Part -2
March 2008
Gtalk Conversation
Ms W:Hey howz it going?Are you over him?
Ms H:Yes dear.Very Much.Biggest mistake of my life
Ms W:Oh cmon,u guys were perfect
Ms H:No way.He was too immature for me
Ms W:Heard you were in Bombay last week to meet someone ;)
Ms H:Oh yea forgot to tell you.Parents are hell-bent on marrying me off before next june
Ms W:So howz the guy?You liked him??
Ms H:No he looks yucky.Kinda bald..But then I met another guy in Chennai last week.I liked him.He is tall,fair,handsome and his Dad owns a software company.He just finished his MBA
Ms W:Wow,But u always used to say u never liked tall and fair poeple
Ms H:Cmon,thats because my ex boyfriend was short and dark.Anyways whassup with you.Howz it there.You found someone??
Ms W:No Yaar,Not yet.Trying hard on Bharat Matrimony.com.I am getting scared.All of you will marry soon ..:(
Ms H:Idiot.You are in land of oppurtunities,try Americans na
Ms W:I cant understand their accent and My English is not good
Ms H:oh yea thats true..But what about your family??
Ms W:Seems My horoscope has some major issues.I'll have to wait for Mars to come near venus.Only then I'll find my guy it seems.Thats what my aunty scraped me in orkut yesterday.
Ms H:Oh thats sad..Did u see Ms P's marriage snaps??She is in US doing her MS..
Ms W:Really?I thought she wanted to do MBA,What happened to her CAT plans?
Ms H:She dropped it coz her husband is an IIM Graduate
Ms W:Thats kool..Did I tell you that I met Ms R's fiancee's parents in NY??
Ms H: Wtf?No way ..she cant have a fiancee,she said she will not marry
Ms W:Seems her grandmom was sick and she wanted to see her grandchildren.So it was a quick decision
Ms H:Nice,Anyways make sure u hook up with some greencard holder,so u wont have problems with your visa later
Ms W:Yea I know.I have highlighted that in Shaadi.com and Bharat Matrimony.ONLY Green card Holders.
Ms H:Hey gtg..Chennai Guy on phone..Have to discuss about finacial matters u know..
Ms W:Oh sure carry on..Let me know what happens..takecare
Ms H:You too..
Well 'THE END' is yet to come...
Special Thanks to Riddhi Doshi
Thanks to Vikram Seth for this title and inspiring me to write this post..
I have noticed a strange kind of mania amongst the parents of 22 year old girls and certain frustrating phobia with the 22 turned unfortunate souls.Here is a case study that describes the sequence of events in the life two 22 year old females (Species:Homo Sapiens)
lets call them Miss Hasbeen and Miss Wannabe.For my convenience I would like to call them Ms H and Ms W.
Part 1
March 2007
A month before the final exams,Ms H was busy on phone with her latest boyfriend...Somebody on a call waiting,it was from her home.she wondered why would her Mom call her so late in the night.Yes that was about the mania which has kick started at her home this semester.Her Parents want her to give them a final decision on the the list of guys they emailed to her the other night and her boyfriend wants HER to finish off HIS assignment which is due the next day.She stood there confused.Her cell was showing low battery and her charger was not working,giving few excuses she cut the line and rushed to Ms W's room to get the charger.
Staring at the fully charged cell and refreshing her Yahoo mailbox every 10 seconds desperately waiting for her MS admits there was our Ms W hoping a new place would bring her new oppurtunities[Romantic.Sheesh..A full stop to her singlehood]
Part -2
March 2008
Gtalk Conversation
Ms W:Hey howz it going?Are you over him?
Ms H:Yes dear.Very Much.Biggest mistake of my life
Ms W:Oh cmon,u guys were perfect
Ms H:No way.He was too immature for me
Ms W:Heard you were in Bombay last week to meet someone ;)
Ms H:Oh yea forgot to tell you.Parents are hell-bent on marrying me off before next june
Ms W:So howz the guy?You liked him??
Ms H:No he looks yucky.Kinda bald..But then I met another guy in Chennai last week.I liked him.He is tall,fair,handsome and his Dad owns a software company.He just finished his MBA
Ms W:Wow,But u always used to say u never liked tall and fair poeple
Ms H:Cmon,thats because my ex boyfriend was short and dark.Anyways whassup with you.Howz it there.You found someone??
Ms W:No Yaar,Not yet.Trying hard on Bharat Matrimony.com.I am getting scared.All of you will marry soon ..:(
Ms H:Idiot.You are in land of oppurtunities,try Americans na
Ms W:I cant understand their accent and My English is not good
Ms H:oh yea thats true..But what about your family??
Ms W:Seems My horoscope has some major issues.I'll have to wait for Mars to come near venus.Only then I'll find my guy it seems.Thats what my aunty scraped me in orkut yesterday.
Ms H:Oh thats sad..Did u see Ms P's marriage snaps??She is in US doing her MS..
Ms W:Really?I thought she wanted to do MBA,What happened to her CAT plans?
Ms H:She dropped it coz her husband is an IIM Graduate
Ms W:Thats kool..Did I tell you that I met Ms R's fiancee's parents in NY??
Ms H: Wtf?No way ..she cant have a fiancee,she said she will not marry
Ms W:Seems her grandmom was sick and she wanted to see her grandchildren.So it was a quick decision
Ms H:Nice,Anyways make sure u hook up with some greencard holder,so u wont have problems with your visa later
Ms W:Yea I know.I have highlighted that in Shaadi.com and Bharat Matrimony.ONLY Green card Holders.
Ms H:Hey gtg..Chennai Guy on phone..Have to discuss about finacial matters u know..
Ms W:Oh sure carry on..Let me know what happens..takecare
Ms H:You too..
Well 'THE END' is yet to come...
Special Thanks to Riddhi Doshi
February 5, 2008
An Ode to Google AdSense
I am a big fan of Pschycedelic Rock.Sounds weird???Well there are days when my existence floats on certain repeated tracks from my Ipod[My roomies find my choice of songs a bit odd and crappy,So I am denied the pleasure of listening to my favourite numbers from my laptop].Flying high,I always end up writing a post in this public forum to mark those 'Dark Days'..
My incessant complains about not getting an assistantship and the twists and turns in my life,I always end up with the so called dark side writing.But one day my roomie came up with an idea of cashing my emotions to few dollars in my bank account.She was the one to introduce me to google adsense..It appeared harmless and I thought why not??Let a few ads come in my post..:P. So we decided to join Google adsense.Never knew it was a devil in disguise...
One of my friends.who happens to be a blogger too,gave me some shocking information.Seems, putting up adsense is a big crime for an International student.For a moment I missed a heartbeat.!!!This Country is weird,they have a long list of clauses to deport F1 people like me.Can you believe that letting some ads in my personal site and earning a quarter dollar could be reason to deport me back.Yes!!!:(.Like I mentioned in some my previous posts,you have to filter even the air you breathe here,what if some American sue me for taking his part of air??..I want to go back..Sit in an autorickshaw and roam around,see some people breaking the rules,getting away with a wink.Enjoy the pleasure of being in MY Country..be a proud Indian.
I am not an ideologist,at this very moment I sincerely believe 'Rules are meant to Broken'..
ps:I no longer have google adsense and I havent spell checked..:P
My incessant complains about not getting an assistantship and the twists and turns in my life,I always end up with the so called dark side writing.But one day my roomie came up with an idea of cashing my emotions to few dollars in my bank account.She was the one to introduce me to google adsense..It appeared harmless and I thought why not??Let a few ads come in my post..:P. So we decided to join Google adsense.Never knew it was a devil in disguise...
One of my friends.who happens to be a blogger too,gave me some shocking information.Seems, putting up adsense is a big crime for an International student.For a moment I missed a heartbeat.!!!This Country is weird,they have a long list of clauses to deport F1 people like me.Can you believe that letting some ads in my personal site and earning a quarter dollar could be reason to deport me back.Yes!!!:(.Like I mentioned in some my previous posts,you have to filter even the air you breathe here,what if some American sue me for taking his part of air??..I want to go back..Sit in an autorickshaw and roam around,see some people breaking the rules,getting away with a wink.Enjoy the pleasure of being in MY Country..be a proud Indian.
I am not an ideologist,at this very moment I sincerely believe 'Rules are meant to Broken'..
ps:I no longer have google adsense and I havent spell checked..:P
January 26, 2008
Love- Part 2
In my previous post about love I mentioned that my undergrad degree helped me make a thesis on different categories or ways of falling in love.After coming here for my Masters I decided to research on ways of breaking up with your dear ones as that is what is very common amongst the Indian community here.'Love' and 'Relationship Analysis' has always been one of my favourite topics to research on,wish Texas A&M University hires me as a Research Assistant in their Public Affairs department after my posts on Love and related matters.There are again 4 ways of breaking up with your sweetheart!! In fact four different ways of telling the other person BUZZ off.Lets avoid after marriage talks and stick on the normal romantic affairs and the after effects.Here are my 4 theories.
1.Long Distance Relationships:Love has no distances some say.May be true,b ut after getting used to the free Airtel-Airtel calls in India,there is high probability of breaking up if one goes abroad and switches to Reliance India Calling card.With the initial hype and care about your loved ones in India ,there is a general trend of breaking up after getting AT&T connection.Initial days of frustration,loneliness,assistantship hunts,for people who have been in a relationship find it hard to get out of the whole thing by making regular calls to India and there you look at your credit card balance and realise 'wish my sweetheart had an AT&T connection' and then u turn back and see somebody patting on your shoulder and yea you have somebody close to you,who can understand u better and who is gonna have an H1 soon and wow he/she has AT&T..Lots of freedom,no worries that anybody is gonna find out,so yes I broke up with her/him..Coz long distances never work out..:P
2.Girls..sheesh,guys complain that they are emotional and they want early commitment,they talk about marriage and engagement.Commitment Phobia.Cmon, guys need time..Marriage and family are secondary..This is the problem if you fall love for a guy of your age...Trust my thesis,its very hard for a guy to think about marrying before he is 26 (oops I think even thats early)!!For the their career,their dreams,everything has to be set and yea may be when their bored of all this,they might consider a marriage
3.Religion:When you fall in love you are atheist,you respect all religions,You feel you know more about your lover's religion than your religion,try to convince each other that we are modern couples,we dont give a damn about religion,But the verb 'convert' is the villain,many agree to conquer their love and many not.There you have a simple reason.I cant go against my family!!Yes You cant and you shouldn't..
4.Yes..This is the most interesting Chemistry..Its not long distance,Its the weird chemistry,the straight line becomes triangle,you no longer love your partner,you no longer think she/he is attractive,you have a zillion reasons to avoid each other.What not!!Beauty of this theory is that it Has a clause.Many a times this happens when there is a third person involved in the relationship.You have a comparison specimen.Yes there you go...;)
Well like the 5 th theory in my Love Part-1 There are a couple of people who break up before they fall in love,may be because they haven't attended CVEN 644 Risk Anlaysis-Techniques and Modeling.You are as usual confused whether you are in or out of something,so the best way is to break up .From what??That's what I am trying to find out..:)
Well this was my humble effort to give away my dark side writing and write something different..This is dedicated to those Anonymous readers of my Blog..Yes I can write something different..;)Though I failed in it..
Cheers and happy Break ups!!!
1.Long Distance Relationships:Love has no distances some say.May be true,b ut after getting used to the free Airtel-Airtel calls in India,there is high probability of breaking up if one goes abroad and switches to Reliance India Calling card.With the initial hype and care about your loved ones in India ,there is a general trend of breaking up after getting AT&T connection.Initial days of frustration,loneliness,assistantship hunts,for people who have been in a relationship find it hard to get out of the whole thing by making regular calls to India and there you look at your credit card balance and realise 'wish my sweetheart had an AT&T connection' and then u turn back and see somebody patting on your shoulder and yea you have somebody close to you,who can understand u better and who is gonna have an H1 soon and wow he/she has AT&T..Lots of freedom,no worries that anybody is gonna find out,so yes I broke up with her/him..Coz long distances never work out..:P
2.Girls..sheesh,guys complain that they are emotional and they want early commitment,they talk about marriage and engagement.Commitment Phobia.Cmon, guys need time..Marriage and family are secondary..This is the problem if you fall love for a guy of your age...Trust my thesis,its very hard for a guy to think about marrying before he is 26 (oops I think even thats early)!!For the their career,their dreams,everything has to be set and yea may be when their bored of all this,they might consider a marriage
3.Religion:When you fall in love you are atheist,you respect all religions,You feel you know more about your lover's religion than your religion,try to convince each other that we are modern couples,we dont give a damn about religion,But the verb 'convert' is the villain,many agree to conquer their love and many not.There you have a simple reason.I cant go against my family!!Yes You cant and you shouldn't..
4.Yes..This is the most interesting Chemistry..Its not long distance,Its the weird chemistry,the straight line becomes triangle,you no longer love your partner,you no longer think she/he is attractive,you have a zillion reasons to avoid each other.What not!!Beauty of this theory is that it Has a clause.Many a times this happens when there is a third person involved in the relationship.You have a comparison specimen.Yes there you go...;)
Well like the 5 th theory in my Love Part-1 There are a couple of people who break up before they fall in love,may be because they haven't attended CVEN 644 Risk Anlaysis-Techniques and Modeling.You are as usual confused whether you are in or out of something,so the best way is to break up .From what??That's what I am trying to find out..:)
Well this was my humble effort to give away my dark side writing and write something different..This is dedicated to those Anonymous readers of my Blog..Yes I can write something different..;)Though I failed in it..
Cheers and happy Break ups!!!
January 18, 2008
A Regret
Is it true there is sun out there
My foot stuck in this dirty clay
Can you tell me if I should walk back
Where I can wash away my dreams.
Words of unseen seasons are fake
Dont let me walk to you to give a word
A word that will give a new strength.
Make me less strong so that I drown here
at this very moment to close my eyes
and gulp all the air that is keeping me alive
In this darkness I want to end the journey
let me be my self for a day..
call me back to where I started walking
I am letting myself fly away for sometime
taking off my foot to move with the zephyr
to open my eyes when the sun rays force me to.
My foot stuck in this dirty clay
Can you tell me if I should walk back
Where I can wash away my dreams.
Words of unseen seasons are fake
Dont let me walk to you to give a word
A word that will give a new strength.
Make me less strong so that I drown here
at this very moment to close my eyes
and gulp all the air that is keeping me alive
In this darkness I want to end the journey
let me be my self for a day..
call me back to where I started walking
I am letting myself fly away for sometime
taking off my foot to move with the zephyr
to open my eyes when the sun rays force me to.
January 17, 2008
A Bubble
Looking deep into that tiny bubble
I smiled to see those colors turning red
holding my breath to keep it alive
I tried moving the dark shadows on it
Pulling apart the plaette of dark colors
I stood confused on the lonely road
My next step would be on you
in which I could see my today and tomorrow
Fly away my soul from my evil aura
Closer you are to me,darker are your days ahead
I want to see you flying away to the zenith of joy
Wish I could hold you on to my heart
but I fear my tear drop might take your life
I smiled to see those colors turning red
holding my breath to keep it alive
I tried moving the dark shadows on it
Pulling apart the plaette of dark colors
I stood confused on the lonely road
My next step would be on you
in which I could see my today and tomorrow
Fly away my soul from my evil aura
Closer you are to me,darker are your days ahead
I want to see you flying away to the zenith of joy
Wish I could hold you on to my heart
but I fear my tear drop might take your life
January 10, 2008
A tribute to CEM Fall 2007 Batch
Last year this time of the year I was eagerly waiting for an admit letter from my well planned list of 8 universities.Like the MS applicants call it, 2 dream ones 4 moderate and 2 safe ones.Getting into my dream university was my ultimate goal.Like we read in various orkut communities and Edulix I too believed that once you get here,u 'll find some kind of funding.With thee full scholarships in hand I still waited for my dream university which is a nightmare now.
I came here thinking it was a big achievement getting into the university I ranked first in my list and some kind of funding is sure to help me graduate.But still its an irony that when all the people you know have something in their hand,and you are still waiting.
I was chatting with one of my classmates about the pathetic situation of our specialization which doesn't even give an instate whereas some departments just give all their graduate students an instate as if its some kind of a incentive for joining that specialization.He made a valid point which everyone who is planning to come to a US university should be aware of.There are a couple of graduate students with a gpa of 4,coming from top Colleges of India with other good admits, washing plates and cleaning tables just to survive in this land and to pay their fees.
Its kind of hard to digest at times,But at least for a few people like us life in US is not a bed of roses.Its the question of survival.We bitch about our department and vent out our anger,assume that other specializations and departments doesnt exist,keep working overnight in concrete lab just to manage three courses,whereas some others with 4-5 courses a semester,party every night and earn 1000$ a month.Are we denied all this just because we have an extra 'and' in our specialization..May be yes..Just because we are Construction Engineering and Management not Construction Management..
I dont know what made me write this..May be next year this time,I'll read this post with a smile..
Well this is a small tribute to all my classmates who are frustrated with everybody in CE TTI Building..Lets all hope,at some point in life all this appear silly and funny..Cheers to CEM
I came here thinking it was a big achievement getting into the university I ranked first in my list and some kind of funding is sure to help me graduate.But still its an irony that when all the people you know have something in their hand,and you are still waiting.
I was chatting with one of my classmates about the pathetic situation of our specialization which doesn't even give an instate whereas some departments just give all their graduate students an instate as if its some kind of a incentive for joining that specialization.He made a valid point which everyone who is planning to come to a US university should be aware of.There are a couple of graduate students with a gpa of 4,coming from top Colleges of India with other good admits, washing plates and cleaning tables just to survive in this land and to pay their fees.
Its kind of hard to digest at times,But at least for a few people like us life in US is not a bed of roses.Its the question of survival.We bitch about our department and vent out our anger,assume that other specializations and departments doesnt exist,keep working overnight in concrete lab just to manage three courses,whereas some others with 4-5 courses a semester,party every night and earn 1000$ a month.Are we denied all this just because we have an extra 'and' in our specialization..May be yes..Just because we are Construction Engineering and Management not Construction Management..
I dont know what made me write this..May be next year this time,I'll read this post with a smile..
Well this is a small tribute to all my classmates who are frustrated with everybody in CE TTI Building..Lets all hope,at some point in life all this appear silly and funny..Cheers to CEM
January 7, 2008
The Reason
Its been exactly five months I have been in this so called United States of America.A dream destination for many third world residents and a compromise for a few who are trying to lift the shadows off a dream which was built out of a complex circumstance.It wasn't my childhood dream nor my teenage fascination to come to this country.A land of opportunities some say.But for a F1 Visa holder,this stage should be best described as a pre military training camp.Being in a class of people who is questioned about her right to breathe the self identity and the freedom to walk on the streets is the worst torture that can be given to someone who by default had a pride in her traditions and community.
Aday,a person,a word,a movie,a smile can make a difference in your life.On this track we keep running,more or less like a self tuned machine which is unsure of its path because the code of the program which makes us run is still been worked on by some unknown force which we call as 'fate'.A Sunday afternoon just turned my life upside down,but the very next day I got up and started racing again not sure about the finishing point nor who my competitors were.Here I am far away from where I started,oceans dividing my identity and my true pride.
Holding on to my certain conservative beliefs which my friends sarcastically refer as my 'ideologies and principles' I tried to make an assessment how successful i was sticking on it.But the only way I can continue this race is carrying the baton close to my heart and believing that that time has not yet come to make an assessment,nor a judgement on my race.
Coming back from a heaven where I could breathe only love for three weeks and leaving behind some people who made you realise you deserve to win this race as their prayers and strong love is pushing me hard to the destination,I decided to take a break from the world of fictional existence.
Like Amir Khan tried to say in 'Tarein Zammen Par',Everybody has the right to be special.We are all born stars,some shine throughout their life and some brighten day by day and some needs an inspiration to shine again and enlighten themselves.In between the stars we live,but you shine more when you accept that all the other stars are shining for you!!!:)
Aday,a person,a word,a movie,a smile can make a difference in your life.On this track we keep running,more or less like a self tuned machine which is unsure of its path because the code of the program which makes us run is still been worked on by some unknown force which we call as 'fate'.A Sunday afternoon just turned my life upside down,but the very next day I got up and started racing again not sure about the finishing point nor who my competitors were.Here I am far away from where I started,oceans dividing my identity and my true pride.
Holding on to my certain conservative beliefs which my friends sarcastically refer as my 'ideologies and principles' I tried to make an assessment how successful i was sticking on it.But the only way I can continue this race is carrying the baton close to my heart and believing that that time has not yet come to make an assessment,nor a judgement on my race.
Coming back from a heaven where I could breathe only love for three weeks and leaving behind some people who made you realise you deserve to win this race as their prayers and strong love is pushing me hard to the destination,I decided to take a break from the world of fictional existence.
Like Amir Khan tried to say in 'Tarein Zammen Par',Everybody has the right to be special.We are all born stars,some shine throughout their life and some brighten day by day and some needs an inspiration to shine again and enlighten themselves.In between the stars we live,but you shine more when you accept that all the other stars are shining for you!!!:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
|
|