There are moments or rather instances which puts you in a mood to look within!!I was trying to figure out what is 'ME'.This might sound a little stupid,but then like somebody asked me 'What is the purpose of Blogging' the answer is just again a thought!!
The insecure feeling in me comes out as over posessiveness or rather a very quick decison of 'keeping a distance'.Its difficult to keep up to the expectations of everyone and swinging between the two extreme thoughts is the worst torture.At a point you feel that you donthave anybody to count on and the very next moment you realise the strangling love and care that would make you feel guilty!Am I worth all this?Can I keep up all their hopes and expectations?I really dont know!!But why is that when i just turn back I dont see anybody.Why is that inspite of all assurances I feel that I am standing alone.Am I scared to hold the hands for the fear of losing it on my way!!All I know is I dont want to lose anything more!!I fear to posess anything!
Like a small child hiding her barbie doll under the bed before she sleeps,I wish I could hide all the care and love others give me!!
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
May 5, 2008
January 7, 2008
The Reason
Its been exactly five months I have been in this so called United States of America.A dream destination for many third world residents and a compromise for a few who are trying to lift the shadows off a dream which was built out of a complex circumstance.It wasn't my childhood dream nor my teenage fascination to come to this country.A land of opportunities some say.But for a F1 Visa holder,this stage should be best described as a pre military training camp.Being in a class of people who is questioned about her right to breathe the self identity and the freedom to walk on the streets is the worst torture that can be given to someone who by default had a pride in her traditions and community.
Aday,a person,a word,a movie,a smile can make a difference in your life.On this track we keep running,more or less like a self tuned machine which is unsure of its path because the code of the program which makes us run is still been worked on by some unknown force which we call as 'fate'.A Sunday afternoon just turned my life upside down,but the very next day I got up and started racing again not sure about the finishing point nor who my competitors were.Here I am far away from where I started,oceans dividing my identity and my true pride.
Holding on to my certain conservative beliefs which my friends sarcastically refer as my 'ideologies and principles' I tried to make an assessment how successful i was sticking on it.But the only way I can continue this race is carrying the baton close to my heart and believing that that time has not yet come to make an assessment,nor a judgement on my race.
Coming back from a heaven where I could breathe only love for three weeks and leaving behind some people who made you realise you deserve to win this race as their prayers and strong love is pushing me hard to the destination,I decided to take a break from the world of fictional existence.
Like Amir Khan tried to say in 'Tarein Zammen Par',Everybody has the right to be special.We are all born stars,some shine throughout their life and some brighten day by day and some needs an inspiration to shine again and enlighten themselves.In between the stars we live,but you shine more when you accept that all the other stars are shining for you!!!:)
Aday,a person,a word,a movie,a smile can make a difference in your life.On this track we keep running,more or less like a self tuned machine which is unsure of its path because the code of the program which makes us run is still been worked on by some unknown force which we call as 'fate'.A Sunday afternoon just turned my life upside down,but the very next day I got up and started racing again not sure about the finishing point nor who my competitors were.Here I am far away from where I started,oceans dividing my identity and my true pride.
Holding on to my certain conservative beliefs which my friends sarcastically refer as my 'ideologies and principles' I tried to make an assessment how successful i was sticking on it.But the only way I can continue this race is carrying the baton close to my heart and believing that that time has not yet come to make an assessment,nor a judgement on my race.
Coming back from a heaven where I could breathe only love for three weeks and leaving behind some people who made you realise you deserve to win this race as their prayers and strong love is pushing me hard to the destination,I decided to take a break from the world of fictional existence.
Like Amir Khan tried to say in 'Tarein Zammen Par',Everybody has the right to be special.We are all born stars,some shine throughout their life and some brighten day by day and some needs an inspiration to shine again and enlighten themselves.In between the stars we live,but you shine more when you accept that all the other stars are shining for you!!!:)
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